I'm teaching my son to drive. Any tips?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I read this somewhere a long time ago. Not sure if I’ll get it straight. Take a cup of water with a lid and sometime when it’s safe drop it where he could pick it up. The normal reaction is to treat it like an emergency and try and retrieve it when in actuality something like that BECOMES the emergency. Never stop driving the car even if it means a spilled drink makes a mess. Then teach him not to bring drinks in the car :slight_smile:

The hardest thing to teach a new driver is that keeping the car centered on the road is a very very very small part of the skill involved. Learning how to anticipate problems ahead of time is the real goal.

And once a certain level of skill is reached I would teach someone what to expect when something runs in front of the car. Learning how far a car can be steered before loss of control is reached is something that most drivers have never attempted let alone mastered. Sometimes it’s better to run over a small animal than lose control of a car in front of opposing traffic. If you can show the difference in how cars handle with and without anti-lock brakes that would be a real bonus.

22

I agree. Don’t do try to teach him yourself.

If you can’t afford to pay someone, get a family friend to do it. Or trade with a neighbor or relative – they teach your kid while you teach theirs.

Kids just don’t learn well, and parents don’t teach well. There is just too much tension from the rest of their lives together for it to work. The parent is either yelling, nagging, micro-managing, etc., and the kid is nervous, confused, angry, rebellious, or all o the above. Having somebody else – anybody else – removes most of the emotions & tension involved, which makes it better for both the teacher and the learner.

Really – it works much better for someone else to do this.

23

Take the kid out when there is the least amount of traffic on the road. Sunday mornings are usually good for this. Industrial parks are great at that time of day. No traffic but plenty of road at slow speeds, multiple stop signs and large empty parking lots to practice in with lined parking spaces. Teach him to pull in and out of lined parking spaces. They need to learn when to cut the wheel so they are straight and how to back out.

Have a route in mind. Don’t drive around aimlessly. Have a desitination. It helps you to breath knowing you are almost there. If things get to haggered you can always drive back once you get there. At least this way you have an excuse. Making them just pull over in any old place because you are stressed makes them lose confidence in themselves.

If you have errands to do save them for when you take the kid out. It not only gives you and them a breather but also shows them the best ways to get through town. I was surprised my daughter did not know how to get to some places as she never paid attention as a passenger.

Even if your state does not require it have them take drivers education. The time on the road with the instructor is valuable. I don’t think I could have taught her the manuverablity part of the test as I suck at it myself. I also did not have five large orange cones in my junk drawer. He also took her on the freeway which I was deathly afraid of doing.

Make sure to stress to look were they are going as in where they want to go. Look ahead and not at the road directly in front of the hood. Relax but be ready for anything.

Different weather conditions and night driving are a must. I lucked out as three out of the four times my daughter went with the instructor it was snowing and one time was pretty nasty. If you have a 4 wheel drive make sure to explain how and when to use it.

You already know the rules of the road but sometimes we do them so much we do not even realize it. Like before pulling or backing out to look both ways and then look again and then look again. We do it so natuarally just telling them to look both ways does not cut it. Also to glance in your side and rear view mirrors every so often. We do it without thinking but they need to be reminded until they do it with out thinking. Explain about blind spots and the need to sometimes glance over their shoulder before changing lanes. Look before you leap and to anticipate.

You are going to be stressed and down right afraid. I know I was but we made it through it.

24

BUT if you teach someone that, I think they also need to understand that things that fall on the driver side floor have a strong tendency to wind up under one of the pedals, and they really should be dealt with right away.

25

My driver’s Ed instructor disagreed–he would turn on the radio before a drive. I suppose the idea was to learn to drive with a little distraction.

Important lesson to impart on the kid–Assume all other drivers are idiots. Knowing the rules of the road is good, not assuming that everyone else will follow them is better.

26

…Makes notes for when Hallboy starts to drive in two years…

27

As someone who started driving recently (HOLY JESUS 7 YEARS AGO?), my pet peeve with my mother was her chainsmoking, slamming her feet into the floor like she had brakes over there, or alternatively, bracing herself on the dashboard every time I hit the brakes or looked like I was going to hit the brakes.

You see, I apparently terrified my mother when I drove. My dad got irritated because I didn’t drive aggressively enough.

Not kidding about the chainsmoking though, I swear that lady could put away a cigarette per block. And we’re not talking heavy traffic here either - grew up in Fayetteville, AR, which may have had some 4-lane highways, but certainly not Traffic, USA

28

Don’t freak out, and don’t yell unless it’s absolutely necessary, i.e. the kid’s about to hit a tree/child/school bus.

I agree with all the comments to start in a low traffic area, like a very large parking lot during off-peak hours or an industrial complex. It’ll give him time to get used to how the car’s movement feels and he’ll be less likely to get freaked out by other traffic while he’s still in the beginning stages of learning how to maneuver the car. After that, I’d do the “quiet neighborhood” street driving, then move on to letting him drive when you guys go on errands until he seems to get the hang of it. Once you’re confident enough, you need to have him do highway driving practice, but make sure that you cover inclement weather driving before then; driving in a severe storm is not nearly as scary to a new driver as driving on the highway with people around you that drive like they’re insane. (I learned how to drive highway on I-95 in South Florida during Saturday afternoon traffic. I adapted pretty quickly, but it was scary for the first few miles.)

29

I’m helping my babysitter learn to drive. Her dad was helping her but in a huge old SUV and I have a more compact car that she can get the basics on. I can say this: I came home and apologized to my mother for her having to teach me how to drive. And I fixed a drink. But, we’re going out again this afternoon.

I just took her to the projects with two bouncing kids full of sugar in the backseat and the radio going and told her to get us home and not to hit anything because she didn’t want to stop in the neighborhood I had put her in. And she got us home.

This afternoon we are working on turning without overcorrecting and slowing to a stop to turn.

30

Keep the lessons short, especially in the beginning. It’s bestter to end with both of you thinking “that was great, let’s do it again” than “get me out of this car now”.

When your son is more comfortable driving, you can go on longer trips.

31

I third getting a professional instructor to teach him. Learning something as deadly as driving shouldn’t be left to amateurs to teach him all your bad habits (and miss out on teaching him things he needs to know that you don’t know yourself).

32

I teach drivers ed.

first things first, several people have posted that if you can afford it to pay a school to teach them. I agree, but…do some research and find a good school. the cheapest and the most expensive schools arent automatically the worst and best.

second paying for drivers ed is financially the best investment you will ever make in that kids life. upon turning 18 the money saved in car insurance alone will pay for the drivers ed classes. and when you factor in how much tickets and accidents cost its a huge savings over a lifetime when compared to some knucklehead who went out and passed the test with no formal training.

now some other things to keep in mind. patience, its one thing parents are generally terrible at but if you are tense and yelling and in general freaking out you are creating a negative feedback loop. you freak, now your kid is freaking and their driving is degrading causing you to freak out even more…you see where this is going. if you go the other way and stay calm its a positive feed back loop, you are calm so they are calm, their driving doesnt go to hell making you stay calm.

zero hour drivers suck and they suck bad, you have to understand that going in, the first drive especially is going to be terrible. BUT keep at it for a single hour and watch their skills shoot up to almost tolerable, after 2 hours its total transformation,

you can Always replace the car so stop worrying about the damn thing already, if your kid doesnt learn to drive and do it well they could very well end up dead as a result, not teaching them because you are freaked out is (imo) bad parenting all the way around.

practice, practice, PRACTICE, then practice some more, even more, more than that. the more time your kid spends practicing with you and an instructor the better their skills are when they are on their own, ALSO and this is really important, the more time they spend with you the more time they are spending driving on their best behavior and the more time they spend driving on their best behavior the more likely that behavior is to continue when you are not in the car with them.
when I say practice I mean a minimum of 120+hours preferably more and by more I mean a lot more. most states have some minimum amount that is laughably low, here in WA its 50 hours most kids dont even get that much before their parents just lie to the DOL and claim they have, Grats parents on putting your own children and everyone else on the road at a hugely increased risk of injury or death because you are to lazy and stupid to actually teach your own child something that will be with them for the rest of their lives.
sorry crappy parents are the bane of my job. good parents on the other hand rock. there is nothing like getting a kid in class who already has 50 hours of practice and can actually STOP at a stop sign.

music in the car is fine for most kids, the problem isnt the music its fucking around with the radio while driving, for that matter its fucking around with anything while driving. you arent supposed to be fucking around you are supposed to be…driving

stick shift? whatever, this is America the only place on planet earth where the automatic is the norm. but if you really want them to learn stick the easy way, get them an atv or dirt bike (or rent one) and have them learn to shift one of those, its completely safe (compared to a public road) and easy to do. once you can shift while riding you can shift while driving its just a matter of different set up at that point.

33

There is no substitute for time behind the wheel.

The more (supervised) practice the kid gets, the better he’s going to be. While some of this can be delegated to a paid instructor or a neighbor/friend, IMO getting enough hours in this way will either be heinously expensive or one hell of an imposition.

The nuts & bolts of how to make the car go, stop, and turn are the easy part; it’s interacting with the very complex environment that takes the most practice to master.

34

The way I see it, you don’t delegate practice to a paid instructor; the instructor teaches your child how to drive properly and safely, then the child practices with parents or neighbours (ideally with the parents not undercutting the instructor by teaching the kid all their bad habits). Like piano lessons - you don’t expect your kid to only play piano with the teacher if he is to get good at it (and that should be the goal, not just passing the road test).

35

Try to schedule driving practice at a time when nobody’s stressed about something else, upset, or tired. The night before you are giving a big presentation at work or he is having an algebra midterm are not good choices, especially not at first.

In keeping with that, keep any conversation to positive or neutral topics. Driving practice isn’t the time to discuss his lousy grades or the fact that you think his girlfriend is a loser. No yelling or screaming, unless he is within seconds of hitting something. If he’s yelling or screaming, he’s probably had enough driving for now.

No touching the wheel or grabbing at him, unless he is literally about to hit something.

Try to find a time to practice when neither of you is too tired, and especially when he’s not too tired. That time is going to be different for everybody. If he’s not a morning person, for example, don’t schedule your practices for weekend mornings. If he’s yawning or looking tired while driving, it’s time for that practice session to end. Driving when you’re tired is dangerous even for an experienced driver.

If he’s clearly getting frustrated, or you’re losing your patience, it’s time for that practice session to end. Being upset or angry doesn’t improve anybody’s driving.

I would recommend lots of short practice sessions rather than a few marathon ones if at all possible, just because of the possible fatigue and frustration issues. Another advantage of lots of short sessions is that it can give him more practice with different weather and traffic conditions.

Tell him what he’s doing right and wrong, and be as specific as possible. One of the worst parts of learning to drive for me would be when my dad would say “Gently, gently”, and I had absolutely no idea how to modify my driving to go along with that. It would have been much more productive and less frustrating if he’d said specific stuff like “don’t brake so hard” or “slow down”.

I would start with a “no music” rule, but eventually allow music once he gets a little more experience. I’d probably allow CDs/Ipods with a no-messing-with-the-console rule first, then unrestricted CDs/Ipods and radio.

Some other rules that I’d start off with but might relax or get rid of eventually:

No one except you (or a driving instructor) and him in the car, if at all possible. No friends, younger siblings, etc.

Cell phones, both yours and his, must be turned off while driving.

No touching the driver, especially if he’s nervous like me.

No food or drinks while driving.

36

Just a couple of technical items.

If you see brake lights in front of you then the foot comes off the accelorator. No matter how far ahead they are.

With all due respect to Chacoguy, brakes are also for slowing down.

Left turn at a light - enter the intersection, if you have to stop and wait for oncoming traffic to clear, do not turn the wheels until you are executing the turn to completion. This is in case someone rear-ends you, you don’t end up accidently turning into oncoming traffic, instead you travel forward in a straight line.

Also, don’t do what my wife did. She refuses to let the daughter onto the freeway for practice driving, because to my wife it’s all too scary. Thank you dear wife for teaching the daughter that the freeway is too scary to drive on. :rolleyes:

37

My driving instructor lost his teenage son to suicide. When he instructed his classes, he gave us his home telephone number and told us if we were ever too drunk to drive, he didn’t care if it was 4 in the morning – we were to call him for a ride. He said, with tears in his eyes, that he would do whatever necessary to prevent other parents the hell that he had lived. Some kids did call, and he made good on his promise, never giving them shit about it.

My advice to the OP is very simple: do not yell at your kid. Even if you really want to, just stop the car and do something else until you’re feeling in control again. Learning to drive was a miserable and anxious experience for me because of all the yelling.

38

You probably learned to drive when your driver’s ed class required you to watch this —>

Part 1 - http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ9zdHsZ4jI

Part 2 - http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=j03HXzXXXn0

39

The first time my dad took me out for a driving lesson he was pumping his left foot on the floor while we were still in the driveway. He yelled at me while going over geometry problems (I was particularly dense) so my mom figured the same thing would happen with driving lessons so she asked an uncle to do the teaching. Unc took me to church parking lots (vacant during the week), cemeteries with narrow lanes, etc., all in his old car with a manual transmission.

Lesson: Someone other than the parent should do the instructing.

When I was old enough to get my license my dad kept postponing the trip to the DMV. One morning I got up very early, sneaked the car out of the garage and drove to DMV about two hours before it opened. I passed the test and drove home to a furious dad who was late for work but knew somehow that neither the car nor I had been kidnapped. No one called 911.

Lesson: Keep the car keys out of sight.

Fast forward - my daughter at 15-1/2. She took driver’s ed, successfully passed whatever tests they had, and I was sent a list of conditions that we had to follow before she would be eligible to take her driver’s test. One of the conditions was that she was to drive with me, no other kids in the car, for x number of hours - I can’t remember how many! I think it was a lot - like one hundred.

Lesson: Keep the proof! They will always argue that it wasn’t a requirement.

We did a Saturday morning bonding thing - divorced mom, petulant teen, busy schedules for both. On different Saturdays we started out with a popular mall during a holiday sale, went on to Highway 49 to Jackson (Gold Rush rural area), to Donner Pass (sea level to 7,000 + feet elevation), Golden Gate and Bay Bridges with The City in between. We had great lunches with sightseeing venues at the halfway point of each trip. We did stops in between to look at the scenery, refresh ourselves, etc. Frequent stops are crucial.

Lesson: The halfway reward becomes an incentive.

When she tells people of how she got her license, she always laughs and says that I was the only parent that made the kid go through the ‘rules.’ She’s proud of that. She’s a great driver, has a 2007 Solara stick shift (go figure), has never had a ticket or accident but has enough sense to drive safely over the speed limit when warranted (what can I say - we’re from California).

40

I don’t care where you’re from, speeding as a young, inexperienced driver is dangerous. The faster you’re going, the more likely you are to lose control, and inexperience is not your friend in that situation. Your attitude about this seems much too cavalier, IMO.