This is a contradiction in terms. Safety decreases with speed.
I suppose you’re referring to me ("…has enough sense to drive safely over the speed limit when warranted [what can I say - we’re from California].)"
She’s thirty now; I should have mentioned that, sorry. I thought it was clear that I was speaking about my kid in the past.
Like it or not, there are highways where speeding is the norm when there is not an accident/weather situation/whatever, ahead. It keeps a fragile crowded nightmare system working. I have never been ticketed for speeding on an open highway or freeway when the opportunity was available. Sixty-five to seventy-five - going 80 down highway 80 when all is clear. It works even when the CHP car is right along side of you. Don’t try anything faster though.
No sarcasm or put-downs, either.
Give specific comments, and don’t generalize. Make comments about what he’s just done, not general comments about his driving or his character.
Wrong: You’re so careless!
Right: You missed a stop sign.
No comments like “you’re not good at parallel parking” either- the point is for him to get better at driving skills, including parallel parking. You want him to think he can learn the skills he needs to learn, not to think “I can’t do that”.
What happens in driving practice stays in driving practice. No discussing it with his siblings or friends who might tell him what you said, or with friends or relatives while he’s around.
Something my parents did for me:
Crank the music, yell, shout STOP! reach over his lap, point at things off in the distance, etc., because his friends are gonna do it. They are. Prepare him for it.
Something I taught myself, that I will one day tell my kids:
A stop light/sign is not a physical barrier. Be aware of the cross traffic even when your light is green. Don’t trust other people’s turning signals.
Thanks for all the responses. And here’s an update.
Since I started the thread and started reading the responses we’ve had about 7.5hours driving together. The first hour was in the parking lot of a ski area, which was predictably empty, since this is August.
Then we drove on a deserted country road where we saw about one car every five minutes or so. It’s a narrow road and I think this was a mistake. When cars did pass us it felt pretty tight, with almost no shoulder on the right.
So we stepped up to a two-lane highway with a divider line in the middle and big paved shoulders. Although there was pressure to drive faster here it was much less stressful because of the big margin for error.
Then we did about an hour in a residential suburban area with lots of right turns and left turns.
Then about an hour and a half on an interstate in heavy traffic.
For the most part it’s gone great. I find myself doing a kind of play by play anouncing…“There’s a bike rider up ahead on the shoulder so you might want to cheat a little over to the left, mostly as a courtesy”
Even though I’m one of the most impatient people you’ll ever meet it hasn’t been an issue. I’m genuinely enjoying this. No impatience at all.
The only problem we had was one time my play by play was a bit too much for him. I think I said something like “That’s a red light make sure to slow down…” He gave me one of those adolescent contemptuous comments, which is no big deal for me. Then I patiently explained that I’m not a professional driving instructor, I barely know what I’m doing, so I have to err on the cautious side. And if I have a choice between annoying him 100 times and one accident I’m going to annoy him 100 times. And if he’d rather wait for driver’s ed that’s fine with me. He said he could tolerate the play by play after that. And I checked in a few times to ask if I was talking too much and he was OK with it.
Still no parallel parking. No big hurry. We’ll have lots of weekends in the country before there’s any pessure for him to take the test.
Thanks again.
At some point, you might suggest changing roles on this. You be silent, and have him do the play-by-play of what obstacles or potential risks he is seeing ahead, and what he is planning to do about them. So he’d say “I see some kids playing ball in that yard on the right up ahead, so I’m going to keep an eye on them in case one runs out into the street, and have a foot ready to hit the brake”.
The idea is that eventually he will have to be doing this kind of watching & anticipating to be a good driver, so learning to do it himself following your example is good practice.
It may be a bit much to verbalize this and still drive just now, so as an intermediate step, maybe you should have him do the play-by-play for you while you’re driving.
I used to think this, tried learning on a stick… Yeah, I gave up & learned the rules of the road on an automatic. I suggest you do the automatic first, come back for the stick.
Good. You and he both handled that well.
Good on you for admitting you don’t know everything, too. My parents didn’t do that until I was in college.
It might be better to teach him that he isn’t obligated to give rides to assholes. And anyone who would deliberately distract a driver (unless it’s a young child who doesn’t know any better) is an asshole. Horsing around in a car and distracting the driver is serious and isn’t funny. My boyfriend in high school had a good friend die because some stupid-ass punk who was riding in the car with her thought it would be funny to grab the wheel while she was driving.
Well, there’s the enlightened, mature adult view of the world, and then there’s the reality of what teenage boys are really like. Choose whichever suits you best. I grew up in a small town where anywhere worth going was at least 10 miles away, and a lot of kids didn’t have licenses and/or cars. Not being an asshole myself, I gave a lot of people a lot of rides. I’m glad my parents prepared me for distractions because it happens. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be deliberate.
Yes, but it does kind of obscure the message of “never deliberately distract a driver”, which is something the kid needs to get. Kind of like if the parents regularly drive after having had a “few” drinks, then tell the kid that drunk driving is bad. “Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t always work very well.
Of course, this applies to other bad driver or passenger habits as well. Parents who are teaching kids to drive should look for any bad habits they’ve picked up, and make an effort not to do those things when the kid is around. If they know they have a lot of bad driving habits, they might be better off getting the kid a professional driving instructor.
Here in Minnesota, the legislature has recently passed a law prohibiting this – licensed drivers under 18 can only have 1 under-18 passenger in the car (not counting family members). I’m not sure how that will affect all the Minnesota teens living in similar isolated towns.