Shhh … there’s a secret about funnels that apparently nobody at work knows except me. You see, we use funnels to fill our ink pots with ink every day so it won’t spill out onto the floor. But there’s a secret about funnels … okay … we’re all friends here … no one else is looking. I guess I can tell you all.
The funnels can be cleaned.
Yes! Amazing but true. The funnels can be cleaned! I know this may come as a shock to many of you. I know it does to some of the people I work with. Most of the chemical additives we use are clear: ammonia, Print Clean and such. But most of the time they come out of the smaller containers in a wide variety of colors: blues, greens, red … sometimes black. All because no one else seems to know the secret that only the funnel fairy knows.
Second shift is working right now. I can just imagine the radiant beams of joy on their faces. Why, it would almost be like a child at Christmastime seeing clean funnels where dried ink used to be caked. And how could this be? There can be only one explanation to their shallow little minds. The funnel fairy has come! He’s done what they could not even imagine could be done!
Yes, I’m the fucking funnel fairy. To be honest, keeping your tools clean is not a hard concept to grasp but I guess supernatural interference is an easier thing to deal with than actually cleaning them yourself.
A-fucking-men! I remember taking a class in metal sculpture when I was at State, and being absolutely appalled at the way the teacher took care of the machines. The guy was a great artist, but he didn’t know shit about the care and feeding of a drill press.
BUT sweetie, if you were REALLY the funnel fairy, you wouldn’t have revealed your presence. You know, like the shoemaker’s elves? You would just work your magic and waft gleefully into the night, dripping all over the floor as you went…so as to indicate that there really WAS a funnel fairy.
[sub]if you are gonna be a fairy, you gotta learn to do it RIGHT! [/sub]
I think Euty needs a fairy outfit. Wings, a crown, and everything. Or maybe he’d look better in an elf suit, with one of those nifty hats with the bells on them. Like Hermie! Yeah! That’s it!
Euty, I just went to your home page to try and find a pic of you to fairy-ize in photoshop, and that goddamned mother-poking ear-raping midi file came blaring through my high-wattage dolby surround amplifier. Ordinarily, I’d just stain my shorts, instantly close the page, and get on my with my life, vowing never to look at your page again, but for some perverse reason the freaking midi file kept on playing after the browser window closed, meaning I had to get up off my ass and turn my stereo off, and then shut my browser down completely before I could turn it back on.
Any sympathy I had for you with regard to the whole dirty-funnels issue has since totally evaporated. In fact, I’m considering moving to Rhode Island, finding employment along-side you, and diligently applying myself to the task of dirtying up all your tools, along with your personal space, perhaps even going so far as to leave the skin of an over-ripe banana in the waste-basket next to your desk every day.
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