Todays mantra is
‘that which is begun in anger usually ends in shame’
I am going to repeat that over and over until well whenever I feel like I am cool enough to think properly
and for once it’s not my sister
I got to deal with an anxiety attack this morning. I seem to finally be over it.
I couldn’t convince myself to get out of bed, then when I did my chest just got tighter and tighter until I started crying. So I called in late, then as I was going to my desk I started crying again. Luckily I’m quiet and the place isn’t super busy in the morning. I’m okay now.
(I’m pretty sure I know what it was - I was hit by two anxiety triggers that I would have to deal with today. My boss agreed to deal with one, so I’m okay now).
I’ve also rediscovered a new source of masochistic glee: shutting down unwanted calls (telemarketers, salespeople, and the like). I get the hot flashes from anxiety, but I enjoy not letting them through. It’s the same sort of glee I get from fucking with tailgaters (‘oh, you’re going to get closer? I can go slower, asshole’). I’m perfectly polite, I just don’t let them get anywhere.
Howdy all,
I haz a blurf but I have band practice tonight so there is hope.
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} to all that need em
**Jim the Destroyer **
Good one! LOL
And the magic number of no shows is just as I predicted, 10! Am I good or what! Anywho, calls have been made to host agencies informin’ them that said no shows will be on LWOP Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of next week, for a total of twelve hours. Since everyone trains for 20 hours per week, the max amount any of the ten no shows can work next week is eight hours and as a reminder, LWOP hours cannot be made up. Letters have also been sent to host agencies and participants with all appropriate back up info also noted in files. Evil satanic bear is on the prowl.
Way way back when I was married I was young and stupid.
My ex husband was a civilian worker for a government agency that doesn’t exist.
Part of his job requirement was that he would accept a certain amount of overseas assignments which I knew and agreed to before we got married.
Shortly after we were married he was offered an overseas position and so I agreed. Then he started talking about this country, how it would be there, all negative things and by the time he was done there was no way in hell I would go to that country, so he turned it down.
This went on for some time and each time I was willing until he told me about such horrible conditions that I refused to go.
Further down the road he told me he had lost out on a promotion and it was my fault for making him turn down the overseas assignments.
Like I said, I was young and stupid.
It took leaving him and looking back and getting some perspective to see that it was really him who didn’t want to accept the assignments and he manipulated me into saying no.
This way he could blame it on me to his bosses, not his fault he couldn’t accept the assignments. He could blame me when he didn’t get the promotions and since I knew he would have to go overseas, not only did I cost him the promotion but I lied to him as well.
Now I am finding myself in a similar situation.
I’m pretty damned pissed and don’t want to do anything stupid.
Was moving faster than usual this morning. Even updated two blogs before work. I think it was due to residual happy from a small matter yesterday at work were I Was Right. I’m still grinning. Funny how that works.
You don’t want to know what I was right about because it’s bureaucratic and full of forms and instructions. But just a little more cross-checking and I get to explain to admin how the boilerplate for something with four different clumps of boilerplate needs to be changed. Then the boilerplate will be smaller and less confusing and we can go back to being confusing in the individual project portion of the packet.
I know I shouldn’t get excited about bureaucratic boilerplate, but it’s like a treasure hunt sometimes.
Were you a hall monitor in grade school?
Having spent 37+ years wallowing in various levels of gummint bureaucracy, I applaud you! Not only did you make something better, but you convinced others that it was better - in some workplaces, that’s pretty much impossible to do. So yay!!! 
I just finished planting 35 begonias (one was dead, dammit), 12 purple petunias, and 12 peachy snapdragons. All in planters or pots. I also removed 2 hostas from planters and tomorrow, they’ll be planted on the hill.
And thanks to one of my Live Journal friends, I now know that heather will be a great ground cover for my clay-infused hill. So I’ll start looking around at nurseries to see what kinds they have and what it costs. All things considered, this is a good time for me to be off work.
Oh yeah, and I had to close up the house and turn on the air. It’s 88° in our neighborhood - on APRIL 10!!?!?!?!?!?! Stoopit weather.
Not just a hall monitor. I was their Emperor!
Sari I’m guessin’ this is a situation with the SO. Sometimes it’s a question of doin’ what’s best for you. This is strictly FWIW advice from a complete internet stranger.
MOOOOOOM you should dress in black, take the poor daid begonia back to Lowe’s and wail mournfully. They’ll appreciate the show. Trust me.
Howdy from da cave. I left cause I got tired of whineage (is too a word!). Ain’t no amount of whineage, beggin’, pleadin’, pitiful excuses and even cryin’ gonna help. Maybe next time the words mandatory and leave without pay (why is it called LWOP? it looks like it should be LWP.) will trigger the idea in your tiny brain that you need to show up. This ice cold beerverage I am sippin’ upon is so goooooooooooooooooooooooooooood right now!
Do you go in at 4:00 AM or something?
My dumb ass sister turned the AC on yesterday.
I don’t if mom knows or not, all I can say it I’m glad I pay a flat rate to live here and I don’t pay part of the utilities.
She wants the heat on 82 in the winter and the AC on 76 in the summer, not to forget the water bill doubled after she moved in.
That’s because she will wash one pair of pants if that is what she needs and she’ll run a more than half empty dishwasher if a dish she wants is dirty instead of pulling it out and washing it by hand.
I’ve seen her pull a few clan dishes out of the dishwasher, put a few dirty ones in and wash the entire load again
as well as every time I head for the bathroom with my towel she turns the dishwasher on.
Oh well, she’s not going to be my problem too much longer.
I @)*^%&(#%@!$ *HATE MY MORTGAGE COMPANY!!!
At least, I hate their website. I tried to log on to see what our balance is so I can play with the calculator at our credit union and maybe get a better deal on refinance. I finally had to request a password reset, and after that I got to my account.
I hates them I do!!! <headdesk>
flytrap I can irk wherever due to the wonder of teh intartoobz. Files and such are all electricical these days so all I gotta do is log in (login?) to do stuff. So, if’n I want to leave the irkplace a little earlyish sometimes I do cause I sometimes spend evenin’s doin’ stuff like that there.
OYKW is grillin’ chikin and I have sallit all made. Shortly we shall have dindin. Yes, I am actually lettin’ him touch the grill. He’s very capable and wanted to grill the chikin. I am tryin’ to freak out less about stuff like that. I shall also attend Evening Prayer over to the church house in a while. He’s not as into that as I am so I shall attend solo.
Oh good lord
even the damn dog is getting on my last nerve
He thinks he should get a damn treat for everything he does.
I just made a chicken sandwich from the last breast and I gave him the leftovers.
Now he stands and snores at me because he wants some sandwich too.
He just ate his damn dinner.
**Swampy ** you would be right.
I think he enjoys pissing me off.
I was going through that with the car finance company and their new website.
Then they tell me I have to use IE because they have problems with Firefox.
Well I have problems with IE.
So if the little box comes up asking what you think of the site.
I was a bit restrained but honest and got a call the next day.
Now sari doggy wanted a main course to go with his appetizer. 
Grilled chikin sallits consumed. YUM! Even leftovers for both our N.O.L. tomorrow. I have also been informed that we shall go to the not too shabby Chinese [del]hog trough[/del] buffet tomorrow cause a gnawin’ and a cravin’ has been acquired. Works for me!
Doggy thinks he should get a treat after he eats dinner.
I guess that would be his dessert?
Okie dokie now I am going to follow through on a threat I made a while back.
Remember the ex who died, and the woman I don’t know posting my pic on fb?
All names changed just because.
Way way back in the dark ages when I was 14, I hung out at the house across the street where my friend Bonnie (14) lived with her sister Donna (12).
Sally (13) hung out with us too, as well as some other kids from the neighborhood but these are the key players in this story.
At the time I considered Sally to be my best friend.
People thought we looked a lot alike, although we didn’t see it. Ever our parents would get us mixed up from a distance.
We’d get together almost every night in Bonnies club cellar. I’d bring over my record player and everybody would bring their 45s, and we’d dance and do what teens do.
Bonnie was dating a guy named Doug(17) who would often bring friends with him when he came over.
One night Doug brought Mark (18) with him.
I took an instant dislike to Mark and I remember my first words to him were not very nice.
That is because I liked a guy named George who was friends with Donnie. Donnie and Mark had both been dating Jenny, she chose Donnie and because Mark was coming around they weren’t coming over so I didn’t get to see George.
Well those nasty words must have been the call to love because Mark decided I was the most beautiful girl on earth and I was his gf. That I didn’t want to be his gf didn’t seem to matter too much. Mark was 18, big, strong, tall and mean as hell (he ended up being a bounty hunter) so if he said I was his gf none of the other guys were going to come near me.
Mark was never mean to me, so there was never any abuse or anything.
So we all hung out together, and Mark bought me a day/night pearl which was all the rage back then. I thought it was ugly but I wore it when I was around them and took it off when I wasn’t.
there was never anything sexual between Mark and me, just a little kissing here and there. He was waiting for me to turn 16.
One night I had to go out with my parents somewhere, so I left the gang early and went home. I found out our plans had changed so I bopped back across the street to hang out.
As my friends mother would say, I pecked at the door (she was from Tennessee) and when I walked in she looked shocked. Then she started talking to me, a lot. I’d known this woman since I was 6 or 7 so a little talk wasn’t unusual but it was pretty obvious to me that she was trying to keep me from going downstairs.
I politely answered her questions while inching my way towards the cellar door.
Halfway down the stairs I met Bonnie coming up the stairs and she was acting kind of weird.
I got to the bottom of the stairs, there was a little storage room to the left and there was Mark having sex with Sally.
I didn’t care so much that mark was cheating on me, I even remember thinking that now I had a reason to break up with him.
It did bother me that it was with my ‘best’ friend, who informed me that he was cheating on her too and I needed to ask him about some other women I didn’t know.
No what really really pissed me off was that everybody, including my friends mother, knew and not one person said anything to me.
In fact Bonnie told me that she had told everyone else not to tell me because I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.
I walked out the door and never looked back.
Then Donna kept asking me for the ring. I told her no and gave it back to Mark, who then gave it to her.
She never understood why it bothered me, of course she was only 12.
Anyway, I never hung out with any of them again.
We lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same school, I could be cordial but we were never friends again.
After I joined fb, Sally and Donna were right there wanting to be friended.
I went ahead and friended the even though I don’t have much to say to them. Not just because of the past but because we have all moved in totally different directions. Also they are friends with my sister and I’d rather not go there.
Soon after Bonnie sent a friend request and I was told if I friended her I was not to tell her where her sister Donna is, or where her daughter Candy is
.
Bonnie is a total screw up, I could write pages and pages in the crap she has done to screw people over. She was heavy into drugs, hard core alcoholic, she tried to screw me over multiple times over the years. We both has moved to the same town and would run into each other once in a while. She damn near got my sister fired, and she probably would have been charged with fraud as well. She was stealing and forging her mothers checks. My sister was a teller at the bank and when Bonnie got caught she said my sister was in on it.
Another time I saved my sisters ass because she knew the checks were forged. When she reported it to her supervisor, the supervisor told her that the signatures matched and she had to cash them. I told her to document everything and to get her supervisor to initial the checks.
Last I heard Bonnie is living out west somewhere and is homeless.
You never know though, years ago I heard she was dying from lung cancer.
One of her latest scams was telling people her daughter Candy had died and she needed money to pay for the funeral.
Candy is quite well and alive, because she is the one who posted pictures of me and my family.
I have never met the woman, and I doubt she ever knew my father. She may know my sister, I don’t know.
I don’t know how she got pictures of me and my family, maybe she got them from her now deceased grandmother?
So here is this woman posting my pictures on fb but the really weird part is,* if she doesn’t want her mother to know where she is why did she post a picture of her mother and me together*?
So that is the whole long, boring, sordid tale.
Do the folks who can’t work because they didn’t attend a class resent your doing that?
Just askin’.