So there I am, 36 years old, a guy that has always been ruled more by my head then my heart. I am too rational to be interested in a young woman 14 years my junior. Or so I imagined.
I will call her M. M arrived in our department about a year ago. My sense of humour caught her attention, she befriended me and started hanging out in my office. So much so that people started to talk and rumours began about us. We make each other laugh. We also have a chemistry together which people have often commented on saying we act like a couple etc, and I have been asked if I have ‘done her yet’. The reality is I have not ‘done’ her or even gone out with her.
M is by common agreement of our co-workers a difficult person to read, and a hard person to get to know. She is a habitual liar by which I mean tall stories for amusement rather then malice. Its impossible to get a straight answer out of her, and she delights in pranks and a mischievous sense of humour (which I share). She is excellent company one on one and in small groups but is shy, and quiet and reticent at social gatherings. She dislikes personal questions and both craves and dislikes attention in general. Its hard to know what she is ever really thinking. She is also young (22), Chinese, socially conservative, and Christian and I am none of these things. She is not very worldly and is most probably a virgin.
She gives off conflicting vibes and I dont know where I stand with her. She obviously likes me and wants us to be friends yet also often acts like she doesnt want to know me. She wont go out, I have asked on a couple of occasions and been declined. She doesnt say no directly but claims she is busy that night. Since no one is always busy I get the message. Yet she will ring me at night and talk until 3 or 4am. Or a few days ago I was busy at work and had neglected her all day and she snuck up behind me ruffled my hair, and leant against me to get my attention. She enjoys being tickled by me and will provoke it.
I am very fond of her, no doubt more then is wise. I had hoped we would get together and for a while it seemed like it would happen and that my interest was reciprocated. I’m still not entirely sure it isnt but believe that’s most likely wishful thinking. My head knows she doesn’t like me the way I like her and whether its the age difference or just lack of interest or whatever it amounts to the same.
So I recently decided that we should stay away from each other as I dont want to make her uncomfortable with an elder guy’s unwanted attentions and nor do I want to be in a situation of liking someone where my feelings arent returned. I am very conscious of the age gap and also that we are co-workers and the situation could turn ugly if it went bad. She is also uncomfortable with being an office rumour like we are, so all things considered I thought it best that we just part company as friends and stay clear of each other.
M however did not see things my way and said “I know you don’t want to talk to me but I dont care” and continued as normal. And that was that. She is aware of how I feel about her and tells me not to worry about it and that it hasn’t made her uncomfortable which I am pretty sure is a white lie.
So there we are. I like her, she doesn’t like me. I’m pretty sure at my age I should know better then to like the girl but I do. And I dont have a clue about how to handle her anymore.