Why oh Why? (opinions please)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok, this is bothering me, so I thought I would ask some moral advice. Here is the story:

I am 26 years old, turning 27 in less than a month. I have not dated in some time: perhaps 5-6 years. I just have not met any women that I was interested in that was also interested in me. So I see this girl up where I work- my ideal type of woman, physically. Red hair, freckles, my height and walks around with confidence. (no meek woman lover here) I get word from a co-worker that this girl is interested in me, and she gets word that I am interested in her: The kicker- she is only 18… with a history of dating older men, mind you, but not with a 9 year difference.

I asked for advice from a few people at work, but most felt that it wasn’t a problem, The Pharmacist in charge (my boss), says that his wife is 7 years older than him, a few customers told me their husbands were several years older, with one saying that her husband of 30 years was 27 when she was 18, and that was when they met. Now I think a 9 year difference feels wrong, but a part of me likes this girl. Her parents don’t mind my age, she is quite mature for her age (we have been on two dates so far) and I think I like her, even though she is clearly no intellectual. (she is intelligent mind you, just not…scholarly)

What should I do? Should I contiune to date her (if I don’t scare her off with my lack of dating experience), or should I stop because of the age difference? Now keep in mind that It has been even longer since I have had sex, so I am not into this relationship for that, and will probably hold off on that as long as she feels comfortable, I can go several more years, after all, this october will be a full decade, a few more years is a drop in a bucket. So I am not some perverted old man looking for some young ass. Is dating her moral?

To compound this, last night I got a call from a girl that I worked with quite some time back. She got my number from a friend, but was dating somebody else at the time. She is 22 or 23, has her own house and works two jobs. She is older, but ironically looks (and sort of acts) like a 14-15 year old. (tiny and young looking) She asked if I was seeing anybody and I mentioned my dates (but not her age). This girl is a bit too much of a drama queen for my tastes, but I don’t know how to tell her, or what reason to give. (when we talked before I mentioned that I would go out with her if she didn’t have a boyfriend-but that was nearly a year ago)

2

Honestly I don’t see a problem. She’s 18 so she’s quite legal. If she likes you, you like her, and you enjoy each others company I don’t see why a little something like age should stand in your way.

Eventually you may figure out that because she’s 18 and you are 26 you might not have anything in common ( she might enjoy clubbing every night while you don’t ) but I’d say go ahead and enjoy it while it lasts. You never know what may come of it. :slight_smile:

3

I don’t see a problem with it, especially since her parents don’t mind either. When I was 19, I briefly dated a guy who was 28, and there was no problem. It didn’t end up working out for reasons other than age, but we were always friendly after it ended, and still are on the occasions we see each other.

You sound sincerely interested in this girl, and I think you should go for it. Plus, if it makes you feel any better, my current bf hadn’t had sex in about four years when we started dating, and had far less dating experience than I had, and that didn’t bother me at all.

4

From what I know of her from two dates, I am interested.

I don’t think she is much in clubbing, as there isn’t much in the way of under 21 clubs in the area. (I am willing to do clubs, though not every weekend) I do worry about not having much in common though. I asked what sort of hobbies she had, or interests, and she said quite frankly that she doesn’t have any. I guess her last boyfriend was rather broke, and so they generally sat around and watched TV on their dates. Personally I am into anything. Clubbing, theater, museums, name it and I would be willing to try it. My only fear is that she is not adventurous like myself and would not be interested in doing a Theater/dinner thing, or a comedy club or something new and exciting.

One big punch in the gut was when she told me she wasn’t a good reader. That she didn’t like to read because she was a slow reader. I guess I could live with that, none of my current friends are big readers either. :frowning:

5

In that case I’d say give it some time. Since her last boyfriend was broke she probably just didn’t get a chance to experience some of the things you are into and might not know what she’s missing. Take her out to clubs, theaters and museums you could open up a whole new world for her. If it turns out she’s still not interested in such things and your interest in her dwindles then so be it. I’d give it a shot at least maybe you could even get her interested in reading. Introduce her to some great books you like (pick some that are easy to read at first) and see how that goes. She’s 18, that’s a good age to pick up new interests and hobbies (that whole leaving high school/entering college opens up a whole new world for some people).

Have fun and don’t worry about the age difference. I’m only 20 and I’d pick up with an older man (given that I was single) that I might be interested in, in a heartbeat.

6

Give it a chance. My SO is 9 years older. When we first started dating, yeah, there were some problems, but once we got past the age thing, everything turned out quite all right.

I was into clubbing and he was not, as obviously, he had been there, done that. We tried things that were new to both of us. He taught me quite a bit about dining, theatre and the like, and I was able to teach him a few things as well. For the record, I am a reader, he is not.

7

Don’t let an artificial thing like age difference be a deal breaker. 18/26 is not a big deal.

If the relationship doesn’t pan out in the long run, it will be because of personality differences, not age.

Good luck!

8

My mom and dad were 18 and 27 when they got married 47 years ago, and they are still going strong.

The only way the age difference is going to be a problem is if you make it into one, I think.

9

When we started dating, my wife and I were 18 and 28, respectively. We’re fast coming up on our fifth wedding anniversary, and things are amazing between us.

In short, don’t let the age difference be a factor. Go for it.

10

I have at least three not-distant relatives (one a cousin, two aunts) who married older men. The first of these was in the sixties, I think, the second in the 70s and the third in the 90s (decades, not ages). AFAIK all are still doing just fine.

[sub]I wonder what significantly older men fizzy’s got her eye on…[/sub]

11

I’m 18 years older than my husband. We don’t even notice, and neither does anyone else. The age difference becomes less significant as time goes by. Right now she’s 18 and your 27. it sounds like a big gap, but when you’re 67 and she’s 58, its nothing.

12

Well, I don’t think it is working. Yesterday we had plans, she never called, I chalked it up to something coming up due to the holidays. Her brother answered the phone later in the day and told me she just left and would be back in 20 minutes, he told me he would tell her I called. No answer.

I went up to her work today (I said that I would, I am not stalking or anthing wierd like that), and she said she didn’t have plans tonight and would call. Her brother answered the phone and it went something like this:

Me: Hello, Is *** there?

Him: Y, uhh, no, she just left. She will be back later, can I take a message?

Me: Yeah, can you tell her that *** called?

Him: Sure.

Innocent enough, but I am pretty good at picking up hints, and this seems to be a pretty good hint. You see, she doesn’t drive, and has told me she doesn’t have friends. She also said her family is out of town- except for her dad. Well, yesterday her brother answered the phone, when he was supposed to be out of town. She also has Caller ID- necessary in a family of 8. Now I could be just paranoid, but I am thinking it is time for me to lay off calling and let her call me if she wants. I have a strong suspicion she will not be calling. I hope I am wrong, but I doubt it.

13

Oops, I meant to say that it was her father that answered the phone today, her brother answered yesterday.

14

It is a hint. You just have to read between the lines. I pulled out my handy-dandy woman-to-man dictionary, and her actions give the following definition:

“Time to give the older woman who lives alone a call, drama queen or not.”

15

Mr. Adoptamom is 8 years older than me. We were 24 & 32 years old when we married 18 years ago and he still rocks my world :smiley:

One of my daughters is married to a man 8 years her senior and they are happy.

16

It is quite possible that she is trying to put some distance between the 2 of you. It could also be that she had some things come up and wasn’t able to call. Don’t necessarily give up on the relationship yet until you can talk to her. You are still new into the relationship and emotionally it is quite a roller coaster ride for both of you. Give her some time to contact you on her terms. Then discuss both of your feelings about it.

Just my $.02.

17

I’ve often wondered about the age thing myself - esp. me being 18 and getting into the college scene with people of all ages. The way I see it is this: If the age gap doesn’t bother either of you or her parents (esp. since she’s livng at home still) then it shouldn’t be a problem. But you have to make sure that the age thing doesn’t bother her at all. I know I’d have a hard time becaue I’d feel like I couldn’t be myself for fear of acting too “immature” - at least initially (but maybe that’s just an insecurity I have)

Also for the record: I had a friend once who’s parents were 15 years apart, and they were very happy together…