So, I just got back from a friend’s house after hanging out, watching the Wings edge the Kings, and playing some card games. I get back to my dorm and discover the little light on my answering machine winking at me:
“I’m calling for Mr. Mambozzy. This is so-and-so from Public Safety. There’s been an…‘incident’ with your vehicle. If you could call us back, etc.”
Now I’m in college so I’m not driving any kind of expensive luxury sedan. However, I’ve got a '96 Jeep with a V8 and 150,000 miles fully loaded in excellent condition. For my status in life, it’s a sweet ride. I’ve said on several occasions that this car is too good for me and that I anticipated a wreck in the near future. Needlesstosay, I’m sweating. So I call PS back and ask them what this is all about. Right away, the guy recognizes my name. DAMN!
“Umm, let me transfer you to the officer on duty here, hold on.”
<Click> I get a dial tone. So I call back.
“Sorry about that, hold on. <muffled discussion between dispatch and the officer> He’s doing something else right now, he’ll call you back in 15 minutes.”
“Can you just tell me what happened to my car?” I query.
“No, I don’t know.”
So now I found myself sitting up at two AM waiting for some cop to call me back to tell me if I should be looking for a new car. Finally, after the longest 23 minutes in history, my phone rings. Apparently, a group of individuals were enjoying some alcoholic beverages in the parking lot. After consuming a number of these drinks, nature began to take its course. Many found relief in the nearby trees or at the very least in the isleway between the cars. One decided to evacuate the entire contents of his bladder on my passenger side door and handle. Granted, it’s not nearly as bad as the image of smoking wreckage that flashed into my mind upon hearing the word ‘incident’ but it’s rather disgusting and disturbing, nonetheless.
My question is this: What negative effects does human urine have the purple-ish coat of paint on my Jeep? I don’t know of any local car washes that would be open this late and I’m not all that enthusiastic about driving around looking for one until morning.