Now, I love me petites. If I can be picky, I’ll take one of them. Paris Hilton would get her face fucked not to get off, but just to simply shut her up. Spackling her tonsils with my hot man chowder is only an extra.
Halle Berry. Halle Berry? Someone would be ashamed to bonk the snot out of her? I’d fuck her tits off and brag about it to EVERY guy I saw for the rest of my life. I’d eat yogurt out of that woman’s ass. Even with sprinkles. I hate sprinkles.
Make me feel goooooooodddd! Maaaaaake me feel goooood! I’m working on it, sweetheart!
As for Kelly Ripa. She’d catch it in the ass. That gay ass stain pen commercial is annoying, but I deduce from that commercial that she’s a screamer. I figure if I take a running start at her, she’ll yelp loud enough to wake the neighbors up down the block thereby alerting the rest of her zip code about my prowess in the sack. She lives in a rich zip code or so I’d think. That’s a plus.
Britney? Back in the day, she was the it girl. As we’ve already seen, she was mighty fine. She’s a wreck now and a complete attention whore, but I’d drain my testicles on her cleavage.
Naomi Campbell would be pretty fierce in the sack as well, I think. Insert Shannen Doherty in this file, please.
Tyra Banks, I’ve heard, is a complete train wreck without her makeup. Doesn’t matter. She’d get the business too. I’d knock it out with extreme prejudice. Put Pam Anderson in this category as well. I’d have to double bag it and use one of those old garbage bag tie closures around the base to make sure the hepatitis c didn’t infiltrate the fortress of manhood that is my mighty wang.
Ann Coulter. Um. When I look at “her”, I don’t even think ANYTHING sexual, where with Paris, I’d at least wonder what her birdlike nose would look covered in my spunk.
The Olsen Twins were cute for a little while. They’re simply collectible and notches on bedposts as far as I’m concerned now.
Tiffany Amber-Theisen was so pretty back in her Saved By the Bell days. Then, it looks like someone jammed some compressed ear into one of her ears (and plugged up the other ear to stop air leaks) and inflated her noggin to Sputnik-like proportions.
I wouldn’t spare the rod when it came to Jenna Elfman. I’d try to fuck the brains back INTO her so we can get rid of all this Scientology nonsense. Either that or she just doesn’t get to talk afterwards. If she wants to give money, we can name my ovarian cue stick “Scientology” and she can just make the check payable to moi.
Jennifer Love Hewitt? She (along with Mariah Carey, who I’d impale) is one of those girls who, if you mention to a female that you think she’s pretty, the female bares the claws and starts naming off her “flaws”. This could be another thread very soon.
:eek: