I'm two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Recently, I have seen threads devoted to great lines from Princess Bride ( INCONCIEVABLE! ) and Blazing Saddles ( Howard Johnson is right! ), and I thought I’d start a thread for great lines from the two best movies of all time for great lines- Airplane! and Airplane! 2: The Sequel. I’ll chip in the first few.
Pilot: Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn’t handle it.
Prosecutor: Buddy couldn’t handle it? Was Buddy one of your crew?
Pilot: Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who couldn’t handle it, and he went to pieces.
Prosecutor: Andy went to pieces?
Pilot: No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.
Prosecutor: Howie came unglued?
Pilot: Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.
Prosecutor: And he bailed out?
Pilot: No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it was a miracle.
Prosecutor: Then Howie survived?
Pilot: No, 'fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.
Prosecutor: Over Macho Grande?
Pilot: No. I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande
Prosecutor: Doctor, can you give the Court your impression of Mr. Striker?
Dr. Stone: I’m sorry. I don’t do impressions. My training is in psychiatry.
Clarence Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!

Elaine Dickinson: There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

And don’t call me Shirley!

2

What do you make of this?
Well, you could make a hat, or a brooch, or a pteradactyl.

3

-Oh stewardess! I speak jive.

-Chump don’t want no help, chump don’t get no help.

-It’s a good thing you don’t know how much he hates your guts.

-LabRat

4

OH My GOD, The SUN!!!

The sun, what is it?

It’s a big fiery ball at the center of our solar system, but that’s not important right now.

5

It’s an entirely different kind of flying, altogether.

<everyone>It’s an entirely different kind of flying.<everyone>
Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home…
Johnny, how 'bout some coffee? No, thanks!
Good luck. We’re all counting on you.

6

-There’s a bomb on board.

  • A b–?
    -No, not a b–. A bomb.

-They’re flying on instruments only up there!

  • We don’t have a tower, sir.

  • No tower?

  • No sir. Only a bridge.

  • Why the hell doesn’t anybody tell me about these things?!

  • What’s the problem here?

  • All the lights flash out of sequence.

  • Well get them flashing in sequence!

  • To the tower!

  • To the tower! To the tower! Rapunzel! Rapunzel!

7
  • Surely you must be joking!
  • I’m not joking. And don’t call me Shirley.
8

“What’s the radar range?”
“Oh, about 5 minutes.”
(Try using a microwave and not think of this!)

And my absolute, much-used favorite:
“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking (drinking, sniffing glue, etc.)”

In moment of Robert Stack paranoia,
“But that’s what they want us to believe!”

“Your watch! You’ll need this!” ::KLONK!, levels pylon::
“That’s okay! It’s broken!” (GREAT bellwether for hapless tech folks.)

and the ultimate driving tag-line:
“Assume crash positions!”

Veb

9

Damn, from the title, I thought you were trying to point out why you were better than Whammo. :slight_smile:

10

WHERE did you get that DRESS??? And those SHOES???

11

‘Look Betty, don’t give me any of that “white zone” crap…’

‘Ever seen a grown man naked?’

‘It looks like a big Tylenol!’

12

WHAT ever happened to Steven Stucker? The guy who said, “Rapunzel” and “It looks like a big Tylenol” and all that other stuff. He was easily the funniest character, but I haven’t seen him in anything else.

13

This link says that he died of AIDS April 13, 1986, so he probobly hasen’t been working much since then. The site does list a 1988 film he appeared in, so who knows? He’s listed for Piano Choreography, he must have been decomposing.

14

Oh. That’s sad.

15

No, no sir. Your head should be in your own lap.

And, FTR, there’s a Delta pilot - Captain Over. We were on a flight last week and cracked up every time he announced himself over the PA.

16

BWAHAHAHHAHAAAA!HA!

17

“We have clearance Clarence.”

“We have vector Victor.” (something like that)

One of my favorites…

“Auntie Em, Auntie Em, it’s a twister, it’s a twister!!!”

18

Tower : Flight 2-0-9er, you’re cleared for take off.
Oever : Roger!
Murdock : Huh?
Tower : L.A. departure frequency 1-2-3 point 9er.
Oever : Roger!
Murdock : Huh?
Murdock : Re-quest Vector, over!
Oever : What?
Tower : 2-0-9er clear for vector 2-3-4.
Murdock : We have clearance Clarence.
Oever : Roger, Roger. What’s our Vector Victor?
Tower : Tower’s radio clearance, over!
Oever : That’s Clarence Oever! Oever.
Tower : Roger.
Murdock : Huh?
Tower : Roger, over.
Murdock : Huh?
Oever : Huh?

19

I like my coffee black. Like my men.