I just came back from a birthday party. Just before the party, I gave the celebrant a vase filled with a dozen roses and some white carnations. I knew that she had a special fondness for red roses, so I made a special effort to get them. She expressed her thankfulness, for which I think she was sincere.
Later that evening, two guys gave her a pair of generic grocery store bouquets. The bouquets weren’t bad looking, but they weren’t great either. Still, she practically jumped for joy, saying “This is so wonderful! JThunder, please take a picture of me with these flowers!” In the meantime, I was thinking, “Hmmm. She didn’t react with as much joy at my roses. She certainly didn’t ask for her photo to be taken with them.”
Later that evening, I told her that my feelings had been hurt. She said, “That’s because my relationship with them is different. Normally, they act more like little boys, whereas you act more like an adult and a gentleman. That’s why I was so overjoyed to receive flowers from them.”
I guess that makes some sense, and I do understand her perspective. Still, it didn’t seem very classy for her to respond so very differently in my case. At the very least, I wish she had asked to get her photo taken with my present as well.
Even though I can understand how you feel, I think Leaffan is right. Here is your chance to prove that you are the “adult and gentleman” she thinks you are.
I understand why you folks would say, “Eh. No big deal”… and in the grand scheme of things, perhaps it wasn’t. When I contrast her overjoyed reaction toward their gift with her understated reaction toward mine, though… well, it kinda stings.
You don’t elaborate on your relationship w/ the “recipient”, but I think it’s a bit tacky to question her reaction to your gift. The obvious choice, if you’re disappointed in her reaction, would be to forgo giving her any gifts in future, not to make an issue of it and possibly spoil any appreciation she did have for the gift, not to mention throwing a wet blanket on her birthday celebration. Even if she’s a very close friend, you could have, at least, waited a few days to bring it up.
Let’s just say that she did several more things that were kinda hurtful that night. I didn’t want to let any resentment fester without talking things through with her.
Because we did talk, I had an opportunity to understand her perspective, and vice versa. If we hadn’t chatted about it, I would have probably been resentful all night long, and she wouldn’t have known why.
It’s not quite what you think, Leaffan. It’s not a question of romantic rejection. Let’s just say that certain things were said and done that night that were very much uncool.
Maybe I’m old-fashioned, or maybe just clueless but I thought red roses usually signified a romantic love or passion for a person, and if that’s not the sort of relationship you have with this woman than you might have made her feel uncomfortable.
A woman can say she loves red roses but what she may not have made clear is she loves to get them from her boyfriend/husband.
Had she had anything to drink between receiving your gift and their gifts? I’m not necessarily suggesting that she was drunk, but in my experience, it’s not unusual for that kind of behaviour change to occur after just a couple of drinks. Even if she was completely sober throughout, it may be possible that the party atmosphere made her a bit more excitable.
Nah. She’s the one who pretty much said that red roses were her favorite type. I’m certain that she meant it in a general fashion.
And besides, even if that were her preference, it’s kinda classless to react with overflowing enthusiasm toward a couple of grocery store bouquets, while practically ignoring a more finely crafted floral arrangement in a vase. The price isn’t the issue; rather, it’s the level of effort and thoughtfulness involved.
Typically red roses, even if they are a woman’s favorite, also mean romantic affection/love. Perhaps she reacted less favorably towards your gift than she intended because she didn’t want to appear to lead you on.
Nevertheless, if various other “uncool” things went on from her the very same night, to the point where you’d rather not go into it, probably her being not very demonstrative about your flowers is the least of your worries with her.
I’d say it’s a bit more classless to complain to someone you’ve given a present that they’ve hurt your feelings by not being appreciative enough.
I know that message board posts can often be misinterpreted, but the way you’ve described things here really do make it sound a bit…creepy. You’ve bought a present that looks very much like a romantic gesture, and then you became upset that other peoples presents got a better reception. You talk about her having done & said things you found uncool, but won’t mention.
Sorry, it really does sound like you’re feelings towards her are a bit more than friendship.
Someone I know took an unfinished but handmade quilt to a baby shower. The guest of honor reacted with insufficient enthusiasm, and ignored the giver. Giver was mad. A year and a half later, they are no longer friends.
It is important to note that other events took place during that year and a half, which confirmed that they had totally different views on friendship and honest, etc. But still, failure to show proper appreciation for the gift and the time, money, and energy invested in attending the baby shower, was not the first blow, but was a serious blow to the relationship, showing the contrast between the expectations of the two women.
I get noticeably more uninhibited after just one drink. I very rarely have two drinks in one day. And yeah, red roses are a declaration of romantic love.
Still, I think that she should have gushed over your arrangement at least as much as she gushed over the other flowers, if not more so. Red roses and white carnations are a very nice gift.
Maybe she didn’t like the vase? Flowers are gone the next week, but a vase keeps taking up space.
Has she given you presents of equal worth and effort? If she hasn’t, your gifts are probably making her uncomfortable, not grateful. Her calling you a gentleman may be a way to lessen that uncomfortabel feeling, as a gentleman is someone who will give anyone such chic gifts, not just her of all people.
In gifts and friendship, reciprocity is key. It took me a long time to learn that lesson.
This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships, but to friendships as well. An unrequited or unbalanced friendship can be just as painful (IMHO, even more so) then unrequited love.
Folks, I reiterate… She specifically said that she prefers red roses. I know that for some, red roses automatically imply romantic love. For her though, she specifically said that that’s the type of flower that she prefers to receive.
So no, I don’t buy for one moment that it’s because she didn’t want to receive red roses from a friend. She specifically told me otherwise, when the subject of flowers first came up in our conversations.
She is quite aware that I tend to give “chic gifts” to a great many people. We’ve had discussions about that before, and in fact, she’s seen me give them to co-workers on more than one occasion.