I’ve got you all beat…there is nothing - I repeat, NOTHING more evil than this:
I spent three hours bringing a woman to the edge of orgasm many times, but never letting her have it…
…and then I got up and walked away.
Then again, maybe I’m not going to hell…because I definitely paid for this later…
If you met me, you’d instantly realize I’m all those things at the end…and then some!
You won’t go to Hell for that … unless you’re slipping it some tongue at the same time.
Wait…you kiss your hamster the other way around?!? :eek:
Crossposted from my LiveJournal, with editing:
My mom forwarded me some emails from a friend of hers whose husband has leukemia. These are very detailed, agonizing emails, but…I don’t know this guy at all! I’m thinking, geez, this is terrible, but why am I reading all this? Anyway, this part made me laugh. That’s right, I laugh at cancer patients, people. But seriously, is this not funny?:
> 4. PLEASE - LOTS OF PRAYERS, VISUALIZATIONS…in fact, today we had a
> team of people visualizing the dead white cells being flushed from his body -
> and luckily he did not have to have this creepy blood washing procedure. SO -
> PLEASE EVERYONE VISUALIZE THE DEATH OF HIS WHITE BLOOD CELLS - AND AN EVENTUAL
> REBIRTH OF SOME NORMAL ONES.
You hotdog ketchupy folk are amateurs. I put HP Sauce on french toast.
My first cat was a very rough & tumble cat. And he liked trying to pick fights with me when I’d get changed into casual clothes after work. It got so that I’d keep a heavy long sleaved sweatshirt on top of my dresser just to play/wrestle with him, so that my arms and hands wouldn’t get too badly ripped up. He was a really Cool cat (to me).
Everytime we had relatives visit, he’d pop out to say hi to them. Some would try to make him do cat things or try to force him to do tricks. I’d bite the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing when the pretentious cat-trainer person would always push him just one paw too far and he’d respond by ripping the living hell out of them.
I’d say something like,“Sorry, but you really shouldn’t try to force behavior from an animal that you don’t really know.”
After they left, it was “Good Boy!!! Extra treats for You!!!” 
(It was better when they’d show for post rip-up trips. He’d rub against their legs and look up and smile as if to say, “Remember me? I pwned you, bitch!” )
I like ketchup on hotdogs too, but the foodstuff I’m Really going to hell for is ketchup on my scambled eggs (with a dash of maple syrup).
This is so criminally sinister I nearly broke into tears just reading it! I can’t imagine how you paid for this later that would have fit your crime, and not merely paled in comparison, but in my book, pal, you haven’t suffered NEARLY enough for this. Be thankful I am not your judge and executioner.
I think I’d have killed you on the spot.
–Beck
You can go to hell for missing trivia? Uh-oh.
At least I don’t say I’m going. Heh.
Then save me a seat, 'cos I just laughed my fool head off at that.
Oh and you hot-dog-ketchup-putter-onners, yeah, that’s pretty much an express ticket to hades, so enjoy your ketchup now, because in Hell, the only hot dog topping they have is sauerkraut!
Me? Yeah, I bug my cats sometimes when they’re asleep. The water gun is just so much fun.
This alone may not qualify me for a deluxe suite in hell, but I’m sure it doesn’t stop it any.
Though I actually am bi-polar, sometimes when I want something I’ll pretend to be having a horrible depressive period till my SO does what I want. Or I’ll do it when something is really my fault but I use it to guilt him into apologizing and saying he was wrong.
I know I’m a bad horrible person…
I have this suction cup blow dart gun, and I have a cat. I’m sure you see where this is going. He runs and hides and is completely freaked out by it, but hey, that just means I get a moving target!
Veal. MMMMMMM! Dead baby cow! I get it every chance I can.
:eek: :eek: :eek:
I have long planned to get an ice-cream maker, and see if it is true (as I suspect) that making Wasabi ice cream would come out looking very much like Green Tea ice cream. Bwa-ha-ha.
Dayum-compared with some of you folks, I won’t even be in the first outer circle of hell.
Good on me.
At church this past Sunday, a very nice Korean woman sang the anthem/solo during the offering, and instead of just enjoying the music or admiring her for offering up her personal gift, all I could think was “Don’t laugh; don’t laugh; don’t laugh” as she sang Bressed Srepherd (a/k/a Blessed Shepherd).
I was sort of surprised I wasn’t hit by lightning on the spot.
I own a cat like this now, he’s black and he plays rough (I still have a scar from him as a kitten). I actually own three black cats! :eek:
Yeah, I knew I wasn’t the only one! Also from “Shut Up”- I hate you but you hate yourself too I hate to be honest but I hate to be you.
Oh yeah, I put ketchup on my hot dogs too, but I have seen the light (for a second). Once I chopped up actual tomatoes and onions and grabbed the celery salt. That was a yummy hotdog, but way too much work.
Yeah, I’m going to burn.
I dance to rock and roll music.
I put mayo and mustard and ketchup on hotdogs! YUMMY!
And, even though I do precious little housework, I secretly bitch about my husband not doing it to my exacting standards. (I really need to get a housemaid!)
On the subject of Heinz Ketchup, Cooks Illustrated did a taste test, and to their (rather intense) surprise Hunt’s was the nearly unanimous pick of the tasting panel.
On the subject of tormenting cats, when the fuzzy black land shark is within arm’s reach, and I see him squinch his eyes, put his ears back, and open his mouth in a huge yawn, I will occasionally stick my finger in his mouth. To be specific, across his mouth, like a bit for a horse, so when he finishes his yawn and closes his mouth he finds a finger in it. He makes this hilarious little urk noise and then glares at me. Heh heh.