In 15 years the Grim Reaper will come knocking on my door

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

These tests have made me seriously doubt previous conjectures on my potential longevity.

Biggirl’s test says I’m buying the farm on December 21, 2048 (most likely from a horrible accident).

The DeathClock gives my check-out time as:
June 13, 2059 (normal)
May 1, 2045 (pessimistic)
June 13, 2019 (sadistic)

the optimistic setting was somewhere in 2077 - I was too depressed to pay attention.

I have every intention of leaving this life shortly after (like, three days after) my 30th birthday, and these sights tell me I’m going to be wasting away until well past my 60s?? That’s fucking horrible!

I guess I need to take more risks. Or drink more.

I’m going to get a drink. God, that was depressing.

22

I got September 29, 2032 at 79 years of age. Works for me.

23

YOU POOR DEAR!!!

24

I’ll note here that I talked with my mom tonight (as I do almost every night that I don’t socialize) and learned that she, at 83 (she won’t slow down if she can help it) walked away from her automobile being totalled last Thursday.

25

the death clock says Sunday, February 9, 2059 .

The Spark says August 13, 2047
at the age of 67 years old. I wonder if it’s a Friday. Here are my stats:

Cancer (27%)
Alcoholism (14%)
Homicide (12%)
Heart Attack (7%)
Alien Abduction (6%)
Drowning (6%)
Horrible Accident (6%)

At least swift blow to the head from long estrained husband isn’t on there.

26

“I’m afraid we have some bad news. Please, you might want to stay seated.” Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on:

July 5, 2032
at the age of 60 years old.
On that date you will most likely die from:

       Alcoholism (18%)
      Cancer (16%)
    Auto-Fellatio (12%)
    Heart Attack (12%)

Suicide (5%)
…ain’t NO WAY I’m living to be 60 at the rate i’m going… 35 will be a stretch…

27

According to the Death Clock. Optimistic date: 7/17/40 (age 93). Pessimistic: 5/4/14 (age 67). Normal: 6/6/26 (age 80).

The other site predicts my death at ate 68 – one year older then the average for visitors to the site! (Wow!)

My prospects:

Cancer (19%)
Suicide (15%)
Alien Abduction (11%)
Heart Attack (10%)
Alcoholism (8%)
Loneliness (7%)
Horrible Accident (5%)
Confusion (5%)
Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation (5%)

IMHO, if one could die of confusion, the human species would not have survived to the present day.

28

Biggirl’s site: August 10, 2028, via cancer (45%) at the tender age of 72.

Obsidian Flutterby’s site:
Optomistic: 20 July 2053
Sadistic: 23 June 1995 :eek:

Okay, the truth will out - I’m a ghost. (Is it just a coincidence that the two ornithologists are already dead, sadistically speaking?)

29

Cancer (33%)
Alcoholism (9%)
Homicide (9%)
Heart Attack (8%)
Alien Abduction (7%)
Loneliness (6%)

30

July 6, 2058 at the age of 73. Most likely from cancer. Yippy!

31

I get 91 years, and have to watch out for an eloctolysis accident due to my hairy nipples (but I like my hairy nipples.)

2nd most likely was being mauled by a wild animal. This seemed suspiciously like being raped by a goat.

Nobody has addressed my question about the aliens actually killing you.

32

Hmm…for some reason, despite a “healthy” rugby lifestyle, I seem to be capping off earlier than most of you…November 3, 2037 at the ripe age of 58 years old.
Cancer (17%)
Heart Attack (16%)
Electrolysis (10%)
Alien Abduction (9%)
Alcoholism (9%)
Horrible Accident (6%)

33

Am I the only 1 who,s gonna die from sex with an obese person?

34

I’m going to die at the age of 62.

Cancer (29%)

Electrolysis (11%)

Heart Attack (8%)

Alien Abduction (8%)

Alcoholism (6%)

35

June 15th, 2039, at the tender age of 66.

25% Cancer, 20% Heart Attack, 12% Homicide, 5% Horrible Accident.

Nice to know there’s only a one-in-eight chance of me getting killed by people angry over my moderator style.

36

I’m going to die of cancer at 75, according to Biggirl’s test . . . Dammit. I’m going to have to do something about this, as I have no intention of living more than another ten years. Guess I’ll have to start bungee-jumping or taking drugs.

37

Ah! According to Obsidian’s link, I’ll die at 60, though it doesn’t say how . . . That’s more like it, though I’d still like to cut a good five years off that . . . More gin, perhaps . . .

38

According to The Spark

November 3, 2032
at the age of 70 years old.
On that date you will most likely die from:
Cancer (23%)
Heart Attack (14%)
Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation (10%)
Alien Abduction (8%)
Horrible Accident (8%)
Confusion (6%)
Suicide (6%)

Somehow, I’m not overly concerned about that Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation.

The Death Clock
Normal: Saturday, March 30, 2041 (79)
Pessimistic: Sunday, February 28, 2021 (59)
Optimistic: Wednesday, May 8, 2052 (90)
Sadistic: Friday, March 30, 2001 :eek:

39

From the Telepathic Edition of the Richmond Times-Dispatch
August 15, 2055

Lee Tyson died peacefully in his home today, aged 91 years. Known locally as the only person who still wrote with a pen and paper, Mr. Tyson succumbed to toenail cancer after a brave and valiant fight.

He is survived by a daughter and two grandchildren. The body is to be cremated and the ashes scattered over Tahiti, Mr. Tyson’s favorite vacation destination.

40

According to the link provided by Biggirl, I’m going to make it to the ripe old age of 71, going out on March 4th, 2034.

I’m most likely to go for the following reasons:
Cancer (24%)
Suicide (14%)
Auto-Fellatio (9%)
Heart Attack (8%)
Confusion (8%)
Alien Abduction (6%)
Alcoholism (6%)
Contagious Disease (5%)

I think I can combine numbers 2, 3, and 4 into one glorious shuffle off this mortal coil, thereby screwing up actuarial tables as a last defiant act.

Obsidian Flutterby’s Death Clock site sees me taking my final licking which halts my ticking on August 14th, 2034.

What’s interesting is that both sites have me pegged for the same year even though one only asked my birthdate and gender. The early 2030’s are going to be a nervous time for me.

When I first entered my info at one of the sites, I accidentally put in the incorrect year as a birth date. As a result, it had me living well into the 2040’s. Scientific proof that telling lies is beneficial to longevity. Reproducible too…