Lose some weight
I’ve gotta go give birth to your twin.
Visit London !
I like “recycling the groceries”.
Take a grunt.
See a man about a horse.
Squeeze one out.
Make a deposit.
The boyfriend and I use the term, “Ride the Deuce!” after a recorded announcement on the Deuce double decker bus system in Las Vegas. It actually says that. Kills us every time.
Remember: when evacuating the bowels it is important to not panic. If you stay calm and avoid pushing or crowding the others evacuating, then the bowels will be evacuated in the most efficient way possible, and no one will get hurt.
Playing Battleship.
Brown is delivering a package.
This one woulda been a spit-take if I’d been drinking something. I am officially adopting this one for my very own.
ETA all the other ones I’ve heard or used have already been listed. I do think, however, that “logging in to the toilet” would be more logical.
Years ago The Onion had an article about a revolutionary new “E-toilet” that was going to revolutionize on-line shitting. The article used every pun they could think up, like this gem:
“The new process is simple: just log on, log out, log off.”
From a Stephen King book: Step into the shitatorium for my morning constitutional.
Not so much an exact parallel for “evacuating the bowels” as for “why I’m getting up and going to the other room:”
“The Uruk-hai are on the march.”
Noticeably missing: The green apple splatters.
Y’ever wonder if you still have a spine?
OK, I made that one up.
Dump a lump. Leave a load.
Take an Alka-Seltzer (plop, plop, fizz, fizz).
See what floats and what sinks.
Make room for lunch.
Say goodbye to breakfast.
Take a meeting in conference room b.
Add a layer. (Harken back to outhouse days…)
It’s been mentioned several times, but I have to add that the more sophisticated or romantic the situation, the better the odds that I’ll use the phrase “drop a deuce.”
Have an episode.