In the grand scheme of things...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I know that it just doesn’t matter…but I wanted to release a few things here that make me bonkers with rage. I hope that you have a few to contribute, but that we can keep it within the realm of normal discourse (so as not to Pitify).

1. Meek Eaters I have seen three distinct examples of this as I ride the el or sit outside the Art Institute to have lunch. The most irritating was the Meek Cheese Eater of the Chicago Red Line, who had a small hunk of cheese, carefully wrapped in saran wrap. For each bite she took, she would painstakingly unwrap the two inch square of cheese, take a bite that wouldn’t even sate Tiny Tim, duck her head and cover her mouth with one hand while she chewed it to death, then place the cheese back in the plastic wrap and tightly cover it, only to repeat the process again twenty seconds later. I was on the very edge of slapping her silly, when the Fullerton stop facilitated my release. EAT THE CHEESE for god’s sake. I felt like I was watching the Glass f-ing menagerie.

2. Kerry Wood is not wearing the right size pants Here’s a guy who is making more money than I’ll ever see, drives a snazzy black BMW, is basically the boy wonder hero for Chicago sports fans, is a professional athlete so he must have a fairly nice body, and he looks like he’s on the pitcher’s mound wearing poop filled harem pants. And don’t give me the “he needs loose pants to pitch better”. Kyle Farnsworth wears what can only be described as pin striped tights and pitches just as well. TWO SIZES SMALLER Kerry, please. It’s getting ridiculous.

3. Too Much Crying on The Real World Most people would say, don’t watch it then. Trust me, I don’t. Ever since the sexy Nathan left it’s been a bad scene. But I swear to the LORD IN HEAVEN that every time I turn on MTV, someone is weeping with all of the despair of Sophie’s Choice because someone ELSE doesn’t properly understand how meaninful their poetry is. Could you please give me a break? One, you’re on a television show despite having no visible talent or marketability, Two, you have all of your limbs and you’re obviously good looking and Three, YOU DON’T KNOW FROM SUFFERING. I remember back in the DAY of Real World, Pedro (I think), who was DYING OF AIDS before everyone’s eyes didn’t have a third of the emotional hysteria that you are demonstrating after regretting a poorly delivered blow job. Pull yourself together, kids. It’s just a grown up sleepaway camp.

Whew. I feel better.

jarbaby

2

Anyone who has watched the Cubs will take great offense to this statement. Mr. Hard-and-Straight is no Matt Karchner, but he’s no Kerry Wood either.

3

It waddles like one and quacks like one.

4

Something to contribute:

4: Mystery Linkers: These goddamn people are in our midst! Yes, they are of the Teeming Millions. They’ll start a thread which was motived by some other thread and take the great care to post a link to it. But damn it, they’ll do it like this “…as I read in this thread…”. Tell me what the fuck good does that do me? Have you surfed this MB before, do you realize how goddamn slow the fucking database is? Why would you make me click a link to another thread to get context when its likely I’ve already read it! However since this “http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=77221” means about as much to me as Esperanto. I have no choice but to click it. Come on people, don’t be dumb.

5

Well. It IS a rant I guess, but I wanted to put it in here because it really is Mundane and Pointless and it’s stuff that I can’t work up TOO much anger about in the long run, and I didn’t want the thread to turn into a giant, scathing swear fest about things that really DO matter, which is what it may become in the pit.

It’s intended to be lighthearted and in good spirits. But if the mods want to move it, they can :slight_smile:

And omniscient, of course Kyle is no Kerry. Nobody is Kerry, but Kyle’s tight pants are not a hinderance in his primo pitching.
jarbaby

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jarbaby, dear, being a professional athlete is no guarantee of a good body…remember, Matt Stairs is technically a professional athlete, too.

Just because you want to see Kerry’s ass better is no reason for him to change his pants :wink:

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Your point is taken, Dynosaur. Let us not forget William Perry or David Wells while we’re at it.

Yes, I’ll admit it. I’d like to see Kerry’s butt better…BUT! (see what I did there), regardless of that, the pants look stupid. STUPID STUPID STUPID

grr

8

Mental note: Do not wear baggy pants to the ChiDope.