To an ex-friend of mine, who keeps making degrading sex-related jokes in my presence, attacking me for dumping an ex after he wouldn’t back down on a “must have sex” issue*
Dear YouKnowWhoYouAre,
I dated this guy. He’s a nice guy. His family is terribly open about sex, and one of his siblings is well known for her flavour-of-the-week approach to men. We were doing fine until the only topic of discussion became sex - he became pushy, and temperamental because he was not getting what he wanted.
You, in your fucking wisdom, gave me the speil on how I was repressed and needed to give in * for my own sake* . How it’s all a “natural” thing. Well, my little hamster-humping friend, I hope someone’s pissing in your cornflakes this morning.
You, with the ex, sat me down and had this little discussion. BOTH of you were well aware that my last S.O. hit me around at the drop of a hat. BOTH of you were aware that I was still recovering (physically and emotionally) from sexual assault. And you’re trying to tell me I’m repressed? Fuck yeah! There you go! Repressed! That’s the right word for it! Getting beaten half to death for your partner’s sexual amusement causes unhealthy repression! Of course! What was I thinking!!
Well, fuck you. Both. I’m still dealing with damaged nerves and metal plates in my hip. I’m more than just “another pretty face.” The fact that the ex couldn’t be patient is the proof he wasn’t right for me. As for you, you can STOP making these idiotic remarks about me being “sexually challenged” when we head out for a beer with fellow grad-students. The next time you do that, I’m simply going to thank you, and give the gory account of the state I was in when I got to the hospital. Everyone else will sit there squirming uncomfortably, and you’ll look like the shiteating maggot son of a bitch you are.
So give me a fucking break, let me do my thing, and go play in traffic. Sex is on MY terms at this point in time. Got it, you cunttrumpet? You can go blow yourself. Just leave me the fuck alone, bitch.
*Oh, I should have noted for the dopers who don’t know me well: I’m very open about my history. It’s behind me. I crack jokes about sex, and am the innuendo-queen when I’m playing in improv.
The only thing that shuts me down is someone being pushy and demanding with it comes to sex. That and someone threatening, even if in play, to hit me.
I hate to just post another “ohmygod! that is such a great insult!” but this one made me giggle (I got a funny look from the person in the cubicle next to mine). That is damned poetic, if you ask me.
Also, if you ask me, you are right-on to leave both these guys in the dust. Sex is not something other people are entitled to just because they are in a relationship with you. Anyone who still thinks that obviously missed the whole women-are-not-objects concept that’s been going around these days. Sheesh.
Oh, and where can I learn to blow the cunttrumpet? I called the music department of my local university, but they don’t have anybody proficient enough to teach it.
I’m told I’m quite attractive. I’d like to believe that I am Unfortunately, I also seem to attract all sorts of men-types that are complete and utter shits, and only interested in boinking and bonking my head against a headboard.
I don’t know. I’m thinking of starting to wear oversized clothes, thick glasses, and let my hair stick out in all directions.
sigh…
But yeah. I know not all men-types are assholes. A number of them are, but not all of them.
So when do I get to be treated nicely for a change?
Thanks, Scylla. As I said, I’m pretty open 'bout my history and it doesn’t bother me in the least… until someone threatens force, so to speak!
The Happy Fun Squad is looking forward to the implementation of the “castration-for-violent-males” policy. Otherwise, the squad is still out there subduing those that oppose you, oh great one.
Eonwe: The cunttrumpet is a rare instrument. There are some vintage pieces going around, though. It’s been traced back to the 14th century.
Think of the guys that you’ve thought “he’s a nice guy, but…” There are many nice guys out there, scratching their heads and wondering if women really prefer the alternative.
If you’ve ever said that to a guy, take a second look at him.
Oh, and ladies? I have stepped in between some bastard and the woman he was beating a number of times, keeping “him” from causing further harm until the cops arrived and cuffed the motherless shits. I really resent the tone of your last postings. Please do not put me in the same category of those ferretfelching fucknuggets.
This sucks so much. The 2 guys you describe are prime examples of people who “don’t get it”. Nobody should have to face that kind of pressure in any circumstance, but it seems even worse than usual given that they know your history.
I’m sorry that this is a Pit thread because I’d like to find out more about what you’re studying. Archaeoastronomy is an interest of mine.
Elenfair:
Sorry for the slight highjack - that’s a pet peeve of mine.
Get away from these manipulative idiots as fast as you can. They are trying to play on any lack of self esteem you may have as a result of your experiences. They want to manipulate you and use you. Don’t let them.
When in doubt, ask yourself: “Does this feel right?”
Sounds like an icky, unsupportive friend who should get the silent treatment from now on.
He and your ex actually ganged up on you to try to get you to have sex? Great shuddering Jehovah in a donut shop, that is eleven distinct categories of wrong.
Oh, and I’m glad you came through The Bad Time with your sense of humor, strong will, and ability to say “no” intact.
Galen (happy birthday, by the way) - I understand your frustrations. I didn’t mean to offend the Nice Guys of the World out there - far be it from my intention to tick anyone off. Sorry.
I did get away as far and as fast as I could.
For now, just taking life one day at a time, and meeting lots of nice people along the way - including many dopers. My faith in humanity is not lost yet! On the contrary. I just look forward to a time when the first thought that goes through my mind, when someone shows interest in me, is not “I’m scared to death he’s going to hit me.”
As a senior member of NGW(Nice Guys of the World), just recently awarded with the ICBW gold star(Ignored Constantly By Women), let me be the first to offer our gracious acceptance of your appology. No offense was taken. We silently bear the burden of association with the CAM Club (Creapy Asshole Men), and are quite used to being lumped in the catagory. Sometimes, when the load becomes too great even for the strongest of us, we cry out, “but I’m not like that,” to which we hear that old, joyous phrase, which sings like angels in our ears:
“present company excepted.”
I must say, though, that your association with that scoundrel and orriginator of all evil, Scylla, does have us down at NGW a bit worried.
Elenfair. I respect you, alot. You left the guy who abused you, you dumped the boyfriend who didn’t respect you enough to treat you as a person but rather wanted to treat you as an object, and you have given up the “friend” who doesn’t support you in your decision. Wow you are quite a great person. I know of too many people who don’t leave from bad situations–like my two sisters (well actually they have finally both left the abuser but each staying over 20 years with the abusive person. But my older sister has serious health problems cause of when he tried to kill her and my younger sister, well I won’t tell you all of the problems she has and is currently going thru cause of the jerk and how she decided to get rid of him, but let me tell you it ain’t pretty).
There is this saying “you can never have too many friends”. Well it is not totally true. You can never have too many real friends. I actually feel sorry for your “friend”, she obviously has problems and probably never has and probably never will learn that being with no man is better than an being with an abusive man (and yes this last guy was abusive in an emotional way). I say good riddance to this “friend”.
I wish more women had your strength and character. And let me end with a “you go girl!”
Unfortunately, I also seem to attract all sorts of men-types that are complete and utter shits, and only interested in boinking and bonking my head against a headboard.
Otherwise, the squad is still out there subduing those that oppose you, oh great one.
Sorry.