In which I get to prepare for my daughter's potential sexuality a decade early...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

…Or, Tomcat finally goes completely Euro.

So Wifecat and I are discussing getting a new bed for Kidcat. She’s 3 and a half now and is sleeping in her crib with some bars taken out so she can get in and out. We have been delaying the new bed decision for all too long now, and finally went to a carpenter. Wifecat found a nice shop around the corner and we are waiting on a bid. I asked her what she told them, and the conversation went like:

Wifecat: “I said we wanted a solid wood bed, not particle board, with a desk built in and a ladder. That we want the bed to adjust down 3 positions, with a board to keep Kidcat from rolling off (of course).”

Tomcat: “OK, sounds good. What about the mattress? How big is it?”

Wifecat: “Well, they said that they normally do 60cm to 70cm wide mattresses for kids, but I said that we wanted the 90cm mattress so that this lasts until she is 14 or so. Then we’ll get her a nice double-bed and desk set.”

Tomcat: “Double? Interesting…Why a double?”

Wifecat: “For when the boys stay over.”

Tomcat: “Oh.”

{pause}

Tomcat: “I think I’ve officially gone Euro.”

Wifecat: “What, you Americans would just ignore it and pretend it doesn’t happen?”

Tomcat: “Well…yeah.”
I’ve said before that I didn’t want my kids to be dropping trousers in the back-seat of a Trabant; that our home should be a safe place for them to safely test their boundaries. The idea being that if someone gets a bit pushy and doesn’t take NO for an answer, then a quick yell and Daddy with a machete comes a-knockin. But this is the first time that I sorta was mentally confronted with the fact that yes, by the time our daughter is 13 or so we had better be prepared.

The Czechs passed a new law last week lowering the age of consent to 14 under the stated fact that “Our bodies and minds are maturing at an ever younger age these days. This law simply reflects what is naturally occuring.”

Wifecat’s coworker has a 13 year old daughter now and some of the stories are pretty interesting. This girl’s class is going on a 3-day ski trip next week and they will be staying in multiple dorm-style rooms. The teacher was quite frank last week “Losing your virginity in a bathroom is neither heroic nor romantic. Don’t pretend it is either.” I have a feeling that the teacher spoke from experience, not just speculation.

Kids these days, sheesh.

-Tcat

2

I wish I’d grown up in Czechoslovakia.

3

It’s pretty much the same here in Canada. (Heck, our age of consent has been 14 since… well, since before I was 14, anyway.)

I think you’ll find things are that way pretty much anywhere you go outside of the U.S. – 'cept places like Saudi Arabia and whatnot.

4

Much as I agree with your attitude, you’d certainly be in a small minority in Britain. Far too many people are of the ‘just ignore it’ approach, or of the ‘I know my daughter is far too sensible for that’.

5

And to think my mother, when I was 28, wouldn’t let me share a bed with my 22-year-old girlfriend; and was reluctant to let us sleep in the same room even when we were engaged. :dubious:

6

Yeah, but at that age, aren’t you all in boarding school or something? :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m painting with a wide brush, I know. But, I still think the average sense is the same. I don’t know if the same exists in say, Poland, where them Catholics reign supreme. But I do know my Swedish and Norwegian friends had fairly open homes, so to speak. And the French! You just know they must have been doing it on the floor while the parents ate their breakfast…Ok, maybe not.

-Tcat

7

My parents wouldn’t let my brother share a bed in their house with his pregnant girlfriend, even though they were already living together. :slight_smile:

8

You’d think they’d have figured it out.

Tomcat, you are a cool dad. I see problems with your scenario but not impossible ones and things you can certainly work out. And Baby Cat will always know her daddy will be there to help her.

9

Caveat: I like this ONLY if the kids are brought up educated re sex and it’s ramifications. STD’s, pregnancy, AIDS, etc. And not just the bad physical things that can happen–how about moral choices (Christ, I sound like Focus on Family)–by that I mean not whoring around (either gender), ie meaningless sexual conquests when drunk or high.

Sorry if this sounds preachy-not meant to.

I kinda wish I had had a carpenter build the beds for my kids…neat idea.

10

You’re definitely going in the right direction – realizing what the issues are is 90% or resolving them. No matter what the issue. Good for you and your wife.

Now, the next step may be a little more difficult… you’ll need, in about 4-5 years time, to swallow hard and start teaching her about the birds and the bees…
Once you get over the initial barrier, though, it makes for a far easier atmosphere at home! Talking plainly about things and all that…

Dani

Who knows (because he has a 13-YO daughter himself…)

11

Actually, I think speaking with her about the birds and bees is going to be fairly simple…I’ll let you Dopers do it!

Seriously, I am fairly frank and open, and I don’t get embarrassed easily. So much so that I think she will be far more uncomfortable than I.

“EEEwwwww Dad! Did you have to tell me that!” Could be a very possible response.

So I figure I’ll prepare a list of websites and such, provide her with it, and let her ask some questions. If I think I’d be a bit to graphic, I’ll point her in this direction (or another BB, I hear there are a few out there for teens these days). Example: You think I should be the one who tells her what pegging is? Neither do I.

I did mention to the wife that maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll be a lesbian. Solves many a problem. Wife wasn’t impressed with my logic.

12

Heh. I had a double bed starting from when I was in my early teens. It’s a family heirloom, and I’m a tall fellow so there are comfort issues with smaller beds. But it did come in handy when my young man’s fancy lightly turned to thoughts of love.

13

Oh, I also meant to say that I’ll do this with the above mentioned moral choices too. I want to prepare a whole bunch of those after party pics of passed out drunks with drawing on theirs faces, pissed pants, and guys with a bunch of peni pointed at their mouths…Then tell the kid about responsible drinking. “Do you want to be the next round of internet glurge? Or do you want to just have fun?”

I think the internet can be an all-too-effective life-choice encylopedia. See what those idiots did? Want to be an idiot? Cause and effect my dear, cause and effect.

14

You misspelled “inevitable” :stuck_out_tongue:

Actually, I don’t think this is a great idea. I think your wife and/or you should be the ones to give her the first few basic facts of life… she’ll learn the rest readily enough anyway – e.g., from classmates with older siblings. But you should get her started, IMHO.

15

I got my kids the books, What is Happening to my Body --in both genders.

They never said boo to me, but both copies are dog-eared. We talk about choices-how far to go on a date, that kind of thing. I am here (and they know it) for biology questions. This works better for me with my daughter (she doesn’t tell her Dad anything) but not so well with my older son (who I hope talks to his Dad–or I may force the issus, thereby embarassing both of us to death, but all for a good cause).

IMO (YMMV)-the internet is iffy on this stuff. There is so much crap out there. Maybe use it to back up stories or scenarios you relate to her.
All this makes one more round of Hunt the Mitten seem like heaven, no?

16

14? :eek: I only have 8 more years?

::Fingers in ears::

La la la la la. I can’t hear you.

Madd Maxx - father of two little girls who would never ever think of doing that to their old man.

17

But why a double bed?

When I was a teen, a single bed did just fine, as I was on top of her. A double bed just, oh, I get it. It’s for group sex.
Carry on.

18

You may have just given Tomcat a heart attack.

19

Bwah!
And am cleaning pop off my keyboard now.
Bunk beds, trundles–hell, there’s always the floor/ground/backseat of the car…

Teehee-this is fun, toying with a man’s (mental) health!

:wink:

20

My daughter turns 10 in 2 weeks.

sob