So, I’ve been working at this township hall for a couple of months now. Nothing thrilling–I’m supposed to take enough office work off my boss so that she can do her job. There is another person here, I’ll call her D, who is in only one day a week (sometimes more often). I knew that I liked her more-or-less immediately. She’s a bit older than me, has a husband & kids. I wouldn’t say that she’s beautiful, but she certainly ain’t hard on the eyes. She’s one of those people who you’d look at a photo of and say that she’s okay, but has a personality that could really snare your heart if she chose to do so. She’s chock full of confidence.
Anyway, I can’t stop thinking about her. You know how when a dog has a really good dog friend and you say to the dog, “Wanna go see Sparky?!” and the dog perks up and gets super excited, tail wagging like mad, running to the door, looking from you to the door as if to say, “C’mon! Let’s see Sparky! Sparky! Sparky! Hoo-ray!” That’s pretty much what I do when I hear that D is going to come in. I make up little songs with lyrics such as, “D, D, D, D! D is the best, D passes the test, D’s more super than a kingfisher’s crest!”
The other morning I came in and saw that she was here. My heart leapt! “D’s here! Rock!” Just being in the same room with her makes me feel so much better about everything. I feel like I’d take on four ninjas in a street fight just to talk to her on the phone.
Now here’s the new part: There is no sexual or romantic component of my feelings. It’s like the hugest non-sexual crush.
Now, let me disabuse you of any notion that I am new to being friends with women. Nothing could farther from the truth. I’ve been just friends with more women than you could shake a stick at. But I’ve never felt this excited, this moved, this energized, this thrilled about a friend before. Mine are the sort of feelings I’ve only ever gotten around women who I’ve really, really dug; except that now there is no love interest component to my feelings.
I’ve never experienced the red-hot intensity of full-bore, damn-the-torpedos, epic-sized puppy love without a burning core component of romantic desire. I want to shout from the rooftops just how fantastic D is, yet I have no real desire to sleep with her.
This is a new feeling for me. I don’t know what to make of it.