In which you tell your fellow Dopers five lies about yourself

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Me first:

  1. I have eight wives, each more beautiful than the next.
  2. The ghost of Babe Ruth haunts my laundry hamper.
  3. Oregano makes my hands fall off.
  4. I am the only person ever to serve two nonconsecutive terms as President of the United States.
  5. I sometimes doubt Cecil’s omniscient wisdom.

Your turn!

2
  1. I have been in Cliff Claven’s kitchen.
  2. I have rode through the desert on a horse with no name. {It did feel good to be out of the rain}
  3. I have never lied in my entire life.
  4. I am 6’4" and used to be a 3 sport star in High School.
  5. I know the third word that ends in -gry.
3
  1. I speak fluent Albanian.
  2. I have a loving wife and children.
  3. I have been the star of a major art-gallery show.
  4. The Queen’s daughter is a distant cousin of mine.
  5. Thanks to a bizarre misunderstanding, I am worshipped by an obscure Tibetan cult, most of whose members live in exile in Toronto.
4
  1. I have $32 million in savings.
  2. I do not get annoyed with my two-year-old son when he drinks from the toilet
  3. I love my job
  4. I’ve got no problem with authority
  5. I know CamMeacham will post next, because I have ESP.
5

So you have them lined up with the ugliest one at the far end?

6

  1. I secretly like and admire French-Canadians.

  2. I wish more French-Canadians would visit Florida and stay longer when they do.

  3. I still love and respect my ex-wife.

  4. I respect and admire George Bush and think he is an excellent President

  5. I am young, handsome, and very, very wealthy.

7
  1. On full moon nights, I dress up as Marie Antionette and walk the streets of London, distributing fresh pumpkin seeds to homeless hippos.
  2. I’ve always wanted to drive a double-decker bus in the nude.
  3. I am the reincarnation of King Tut’s favourite pet cat.
  4. My tongue is green.
  5. I can do a seven-loop fourteen-twist rollerblade leap from the Eiffel Tower to the Statue of Liberty.
  6. My reply has five answers in it.
8

Actually, no - if each and every one is more beautiful than the next, the only way you can arrange them is in a circle, and they must all be infinitely beautiful.

9

So close, so close, missed by this much.

10
  1. You know that guy who dubbed all those 1970s Hong Kong Action Films? That was me.
  2. There’s an African country named after me.
  3. My cologne is made from bits of real panther- so you know it’s good.
  4. I invented the Internet.
  5. The statue of Ozymandias is now a fountain in my front yard.
11
  1. My wife is so in love with me she submits to my every whim and demand.
  2. I have trained my dog to do most household chores.
  3. My woodworking skills surpass those of most master craftsmen.
  4. I have taken such good care of myself that, even though I’m in my 50s, college coeds still make passes at me.
  5. Although I am paid more money than most CEOs, I actually do very little for it, and have loads of fun all day every day at work. (No, wait, that one’s not a lie. Not completely, anyway.)
12

  1. I have only a single body hair, over 17 feet in length, which I wind in a spool under my clothing. If removed, it would cause me to speak as if I had inhaled helium.

  2. My last name means “possessor of gargantuan penis” in Esperanto.

  3. I guest-starred as a herione addict on the experimental, never aired, and now long forgotten “gritty” episode of the Mary Tyler Moore Show.

  4. I am smarter than a 5th grader.

  5. I’m that guy. You know the one.

13
  1. I abuse small animals
  2. I invented Al Gore
  3. I live in a large urban area, in a bunker deep underground
  4. I won the Mega Millions Lottery last week
  5. I’ve perfected perpetual motion technology
14

Not true. It implies that they decrease in “beautifulness” as you progress down the line, with the least beautiful at the end.

Usually people say “each more beautiful than the last”, which implies that the get more beautiful as you go down the line.

“But only if you line them up that way”, as Johnny Hart had someone say in The Wizard of Id.

Besides, you can’t have infinite beauty. Eventually yo have to reach a stauration point.
/end hijack

15
  1. This smiley - :stuck_out_tongue: - is based upon a self-portrait.
  2. Mona Lisa’s smile? She’d been with me the previous night.
  3. The Scream? Yeah, him too.
  4. I am your father!
  5. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy!
16
  1. I have a computer at home.
  2. I also have a rotary dial phone at home, but do not use it.
  3. I have nothing but the utmost love and respect for some of my co-workers.
  4. I drive a 42 year old truck because I think I look really good in it, not because I cannot afford anything else.
  5. I have not been a Warriors fan since 1974, nor have I been a Cheap Trick fan since 1979.
17
  1. I have my left big toe implanted on my right hand to replace the thumb I lost in a bizarre accident involving water-skiing and an ocelot.
  2. I am physically addicted to Pixie Stix.
  3. My business card includes the job title “Polka King”
  4. I have never travelled more than 3.8 miles from the house in which I was born.
  5. I successfully lobbied to have the word “storm sewer” removed from the dictionary.
18
  1. Both of my children were taller than me by the time they reached their seventh birthdays
  2. I can start fires by staring at the object I wish to burn.
  3. I am currently halfway through building a scale model of the Statue of Liberty, out of licorice
  4. You’ve heard the expression ‘two left feet’? Well, in my case, it’s literally true - I have to buy two identical pairs of shoes and throw the right ones away.
  5. I never noticed the moon until I read an SDMB thread about tides.
19
  1. I won the lottery this weekend.
  2. I am the most beautiful woman alive.
  3. I can sing in harmony with myself.
  4. I passed up a full scholarship to Harvard.
  5. I love my job so much I do it for free.
20
  1. 2006 FISM Close-Up Grand Prix winner, Rick Merrill, was inspired by my magic act.
  2. I am the only person Chuck Norris is afraid of.
  3. Turnstyles are one of thousands of my inventions the general use on a daily basis.
  4. I live “La Vida Loca”.
  5. My Bonnie really does lie over the ocean.