Interrupt them to do something very pointless, like wave at someone or pick some lint off you’re clothes. Then slowly bring your attention back to them and say “I’m sorry, you were blathering about what now?”
Interrupt them as soon as you realize that they’re verbally attacking you. Call everyone within earshot over (as in "Hey everybody! bienville is about to say something sarcastic and witty!). Then say to the person “Okay, I’m ready – you can go ahead now.”
A more humorous favorite is something along the lines
You’ll find we do things differently on this planet.
Your just visiting this planet, I can tell.
One day you will think back to what you just said and laugh at how stupid you used to be.
When verbally assaulted, insult his/her mother.
Preferably where others can hear you.
Ah, yes! The “Yo Mommas”
My Favorite: "Yo Momma so lazy it’s a wonder you ain’t still up in there."
grimpixie’s Tutu story is great. One of my fav’s is credited to W.C.:
When told: If you were my husband I would poison your coffee
Responds: Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.
Beautiful.
Look, I want you to understand something… ANYTHING!!