One of my friends at work (not just a co-worker, mind you!) is a good person, but she has one quirk that really used to irk me: she was always asking other women if they were pregnant, or making comments about possible pregnancy. Granted this was done in a jesting/joking manner and I’m not sure why it irked me in particular although I was the butt of the comments on occasion myself, which I took jokingly as well. Example: if a female mentions that she’s not feeling well, my friend asks, “Are you pregnant? You must be pregnant!” Now even though she meant well and was joking, in some cases, this is not something that should be joked about, and is inappropriate, imho, because just maybe that person has been trying to get pregnant and hasn’t had any success, in which case being asked about it is going to make them feel bad. So one day another friend came into the lunch room and my friend, during the course of conversation, actually asked her when she and her husband were going to have a baby! The other lady laughed a bit, didn’t really answer her, and went on about her business. After she left, I decided to take my chances, and pointed out that the couple may be trying to have a baby and haven’t been able to - maybe they’re even doing fertility treatments and that it may have made her uncomfortable to be asked about having a baby. I think I gave my friend a lot of food for thought, because she hasn’t been asking those types of inappropriate questions, although she continues to tease her women friends about being pregnant if they mention that their stomach is upset. Fortunately, all of us are post-menopause.
Seriously, though, it does really irk me when people ask questions that they shouldn’t - especially stuff that is very personal!
I had a cow-orker who demanded to know why my wife & myself hadn’t had any children after ten years of marriage. I demurred from giving a “truthful” answer, and finally she became quite indignant, quoting the Bible at me, blah blah blah. I politely told her to F.O.A.D.
She lasted two weeks with the company, and I wasn’t sorry to see the back of her. The noive of some people!
Oh yeah, I LOVED all the little “shotgun wedding” jibes after my husband and I got engaged. Because that’s the only reason a 23 year old and 24 year old who have been together for 4 years would want to get married, right?
Also, asking who is paying for a wedding is NOYB, OK?
People’s rude-osity is always a source of amazement for me. A woman I know asked our vet’s receptionist what was wrong with her arm. It was withered from polio. WTF!
I know someone who appears to be 9 months pregnant with twins. She gets comments from strangers all the time - “Oh, when is the baby due?” She doesn’t have the heart to tell them that she’s terminally ill and not actually pregnant. She just replies “Oh, any day now!” and tries to get away before they can ask more awkward questions.
(Clearly not the same as with your co-worker: she looks so pregnant that people almost have to assume she MUST be. Plus she can only wear maternity clothes.)
If she’s making those comments at work then her direct supervisor or HR should put a stop to it now. Work is no place for those kind of personal comments or questions. I’ve given the speech so much, I’m considering taping it and marketing it. Seems to be enough rude, oblivious people in the world that could stand to hear it and I could make a fortune.
Just yesterday in the school cafeteria I saw a lady ask the cook, “What nationality are you?”
She very clearly meant “race”, because the cook speaks California English natively. But said chef looked like he could be Samoan or Filipino or maybe a couple of other things, so the lady decided to ask him what time it was, clearly believing it wasn’t really about race if she used the right euphemism. He took it well enough, and maybe even agreed; I didn’t hear his answer but he wasn’t visibly angry. Still, though, what exactly did she stand to gain from knowing what country his parents or great-grandparents were from?
Since I moved to L.A. the number of people who come up to me and speak Spanish (I’m assuming they’re asking for directions) has shot up. I’m not offended, since I am somewhat ethnically dubious looking. But even after I say I don’t speak Spanish I get some sort of disgruntled “you’re not proud of your culture?” question in fragmented English. I feel like punching these people in the face. First of all, I’m French. Secondly, my ethnically dubious looks hail from a completely different country Mr and Ms Obnoxious.
Tell the insulted person, loudly enough for the insulter to hear, that she should just ignore the remark because the insulter is known as The Frustrated Midwife. Nobody likes any nickname assigned to them.
When I was pregnant and about to have an abortion and my relationship was in tatters and I was throwing up every morning, a coworker kept asking me very personal questions, having been recently pregnant herself. I knew she suspected I was pregnant. I just wanted her to leave me alone. I wasn’t about to tell the whole sordid tale to my coworkers. So I ended up lying to her about it. Sometimes it really is just too personal.
My boss occasionally does this (what the OP describes), and it really hacks me off! Then again, she’s always making some damned inappropriate comment or other - really stupid things for a person in HR to say, too. And she owns the company, so it’s not like anyone can get her to stop.
Missbunny, I’m so sorry for your friend–that is definitely a time when certain questions might seem appropriate but are totally inappropriate. I guess she handles it as gracefully as she can; my thoughts are with her.
My work friend only makes her comments among friends, in a joking manner now. Well, at least to my knowledge, that is! LOL Or maybe she only holds her tongue when I’m around. She’s not the only one to ask the inappropriate… and I’ll admit that I’ve been known to do it on occasion myself :smack: I strive to be better, though.
So one day another friend came into the lunch room and my friend, during the course of conversation, actually asked her when she and her husband were going to have a baby! The other lady laughed a bit, didn’t really answer her, and went on about her business. After she left, I decided to take my chances, and pointed out that the couple may be trying to have a baby and haven’t been able to - maybe they’re even doing fertility treatments and that it may have made her uncomfortable to be asked about having a baby. I think I gave my friend a lot of food for thought, because she hasn’t been asking those types of inappropriate questions, although she continues to tease her women friends about being pregnant if they mention that their stomach is upset. 
Fortunately, all of us are post-menopause. 
I’m not as swear as you drunk I am, I think!