In English class today, our teacher had us write similies relating to love, on the model of “Love is like… because…” I think mine was something like “Love is like a flower garden, because if well tended it can last for many seasons,” but I was able to think of a few less… kosher examples. Here’s mine; see what you can come up with.
“Love is like a felching straw, because you only get out of it what you put into it.”
(creatively challenged, but anxiously awaits what the dopers’ll come up with!)
Love is like a massive oil slick, because it smoothes over the rough waters.
Creatively challenged, but tried anyhow.
Love is like a Red Rider BB gun because everyone says you’ll go blind but its fun to try…
or is that self love?
Love is like a carnival–scary and tattooed,
or,
Love is like a horse ride. In the beginning, it’s all up and down, but when it’s over, it’s a pain in the ass.
My wife just came up with one.
Love is like a new puppy. It’s sweet and cuddly, but it vomits on your carpet and leaves hair on your couch.
Damn, I meant that love is like a carnival WORKER. And I apologize to any carnies out there who might take offense, you scary bastards.
Love is like walking through the forest and seeing a Werewolf heading your way. If you make the right moves, everything will turn out fine. If you head right into it without any thought, you’ll get your heart ripped out.
Love is like a box of chocolates. There are one or two you can really devour, some you bite into and gag and barf, and some you just dump without even trying and leaving you cynical about the entire affair.
Love is like a tornado. It starts out with lots of sucking and blowing, but in the end you lose your house.
No, wait…that’s marriage. Sorry.
Love is like a Football game, because no matter how many times you get pounded, you’re always up for more.
A lover is like a linoleum floor, laid right to start with, you can walk all over 'em for the rest of your life.
Love is like a pizza, everyone likes something different on top.
If I can find it, I wrote a whole poem of these things for a class several years ago…
My Surreal Similies of Love
Love is like a rubber band ball, made up of many smaller parts that, when you throw it to the ground as hard as you can, will bounce right back up, but not necessarily at the same angle, since it’s surface is rather imperfect.
Love is like an elevator, because you climb on and just start pushing buttons.
Love is like a fake plant – it might fool your guests, but you know that you don’t have to place it in the sunlight.
Love is like a ten-speed bicycle, because when you find yourself facing a steep hill you can just change gears to make things easier, but if you’re out of shape because you haven’t ridden in a while you might have to get off and walk the damned thing up and next time you start thinking about “getting in shape” you hope somebody just punches you.
Love is like a crucifix – you see it hanging there in the church and suppose you should bow down to it, but when it comes right to it, you’re just there for the hymns.
Love is like Marilyn Manson – all scary and evil and you wouldn’t want your daughter to get involved with him, but after you listen to his records you come to believe that he is just a scared, misunderstood genius that you would gladly invite home to share a bowl of chicken and rice soup.
I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Obviously… Just kidding ResevoirDog. Some of yours I just don’t get though… 
Love is like religion. Some would fight for it. Others would die for it. Some are zealots. Others haven’t found it yet. Some believe it doesn’t exist. Others put all their faith in it. Some use it to be stronger better people. Others use it as a crutch so they can stay close-minded.
((Plus, my SO calls out to G-d a lot in the sack, so that’s something.))
Love is like a fart. The harder you push at it the more you’ll be noticed.
Love is like an auto mechanic: He’ll change your oil, lube your chasis, and make your motor hum.
Love is like a vaccum cleaner: It sucks.
Yer pal,
Satan
*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Six months, three weeks, three days, 19 hours, 46 minutes and 35 seconds.
8312 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,039.12.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 4 weeks, 20 hours, 40 minutes.
David B used me as a cite!*
Love is like a cockroach, because it can live on after everything else is gone.
Since I go to your school, I also participated in that exercise. Mine was very bad, but I would love to share some of the things that my classmates said:
“Love is like an orange, sometimes its sweet and juicy, sometimes its sour and mushy, but either way, the peels usually end up on the floor” ~T.F
“Love is like milk from a cows utter, its warm and moist and usually ends up all over your face” ~SBS
I hope you enjoy these as much as I did.
~Lisa
Love is a snowmobile speeding across the frozen arctic tundra, when suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
(Matt Groening, channeling Neitzsche.)
