Gahan Wilson used it first.
Next time let a few people know your age. We almost cut you in half to count the rings.
(If she has theatrical aspirations) “You definitely have a future on the stage! And the next one leaves in fifteen minutes!”
Yes, I know the stagecoach is an outmoded mode of transportation. The line’s still funny.
Well, if she’s your secretary, you might write something along the lines of (feel free to customize this):
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Now,
- cancel my appointmenst for today,
- pick up my dry cleaning
- get my some coffee!
Luv
(your name)
Hey, Sweet-tits:
Sorry about the herpes, but at least you got something from me this year!!!
Love, Your Boss.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Lookin’ good at your age. It’s a shame you’ll never be as good in bed as your sister.
How much is that in dog years?
When they made you, they broke the mold. Rumor has it they beat the hell out of the moldmaker, too.
I was going to get you some lingere, but they didn’t have any Depends at Victoria’s Secret.
When I see your face, I think of birds. Mostly swallows.
Alternately, “After you were born, they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.” (Paraphrased from Emo Phillips.)
"Happy Birthday. Sorry about what happened to your sister. FWIW, I told that interfering girl, and her little dog, you just went on vacation. 
"
Considering the OP’s name:
Happy Birthday!
I’m alive, she’s dead, I’m yours!
“Here’s to several more!”
“Would you show me the birthday card the White House sent you?” (they send those to people over the age of 80).
“Next year you’ll have to write your age in scientific notation”.
“Congratulations !!! I’ve heard the Guiness Book was inquiring about your age !!!”
“Lucky for you, it’s better to feel young than to look young.”
“Just remember, you’re not getting better, you’re getting older.”
“At your age, you’re probably relieved your husband’s sleeping around.”
“::runs nekkid thru card::”
[sub]one trick pony? ME?[/sub]
Memo to Frank:
Did you give Bill the AS-49 to sign yesterday?
-Steve
p.s. Happy Birthday Alice.
My wedding card from one friend read:
Happy wedding you pair of c*nts.
I’ve another friend who often writes:
i never liked you anyway
Particularly effective in going-away cards.
So… you legal yet?
Hey, you guys are all assuming she’s old!
<spoilsport=on>
Never write anything in a birthday card for someone at work that you don’t want to come back and haunt you down the road.
</spoilsport>
I wanted to buy you a present so on thursday when you went to lunch and left your keys at your desk I left work, snuck into your apartment and looked around trying to find out what kind of things you’d need. I couldn’t think of anything (nice underwear drawer btw) I thought you’d like so I just bought you 30 lbs of baby oil and some blank videocassettes.
“AARP called, they said you’re legit now!”
“Wow, you must have gone to Dick Clarks’ hairstylist!”
“I always thought of you as a Captain Kirk: "Boldly going where no geriatric has gone before. . .”
Tripler
That’s all I got.