If you can’t tell the difference between being someone’s wife and a casual dating relationship then I can’t help you. Unfortunately a lot of women can’t and for some reason assume that after two dates they have now found their soulmate.
I’m not saying he’s way is completely ok either. But there’s no maliciousness in it unlike some overcompensating mysogynist trying to get as much action on the side as he can or some pathetic loser living a secret life because he’s too afraid to split with his SO.
Ok. I guess I’ll go shove it because you told me so. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go tend to my penis shrine.
In this particular instance, everyone knows what this guy is about.
Hey, if I get involved with a girl who has a reputation for sleeping around, especially behind her boyfriends backs, should I be surprised if she sleeps around behind my back?
I wonder how many other people’s “asses she kicked” manipulating all his freinds into sleeping with her.
Not judging Blanche’s behavior one way or another, but the people best positioned to know just how “casual” a dating relationship is are the people involved in it. Just because the couple isn’t married doesn’t mean there is no commitment, implicit or explicit, not to have sex with other people.
That commtment can happen very early on in the relationship, for that matter. I don’t remember now exactly how many dates we’d had (maybe 3 or so?), but I had a quite specific discussion with the most recent ex who cheated on me, *before *the relationship turned physical. on this very subject.
I knew he was doing a lot of casual dating at the time, and told him flat-out that I wasn’t interested in having a nonexclusive physical relationship with anyone, and that I wanted to make sure we were on the same page before anything went further. He said he was OK with that. We proceeded accordingly, until 2+ years of (presumed) exclusivity later he decided to hook up with some woman he met in the park and disavow that we had ever had that discusion, or that in fact he had ever promised me anything at all. He is the only ex I have zero urge ever to speak to again.
Of course I can tell the difference, but it doesn’t matter because an exclusive relationship is a contract made in good faith, and if you violate that contract you’re an asshat. Just because it’s not as bad as violating a more significant contract which somebody’s parents have thrown ridiculous amounts of money into throwing parties for doesn’t give it a moral free pass in my book. I guess we’ll just have to agree to see that differently. At least you got in another potshot at half of the population, right?
Err…isn’t that exactly what he was doing?
That’s malicious?
Of course “everyone” knows, but “everyone” isn’t dating him, she is. Often the people most involved know the least. It’s easy for you to know about his reputation because you’re his buddy and you’re the one who hears about his conquests.
No, but in an exclusive relationship you’re not the one at fault. She’s the one who entered into the agreement and then stabbed you in the back. If you know that reputation and you go in anyway, you’re probably either a drill bit short of a tool box, or blinded by emotion. Riddle me this: if you (or one of your buddies) were to get involved in a relationship like this, would you laugh off the girl’s extracurricular activity as being just part of the game, and blame you/your buddy, or would you call her a dirty slut? I know which horse I’d bet on.
I’ve been married three times. The first ended mutually and we are still friends. No infidelity on either side. Can’t say the same for the last two.
Both of them screwed around on me. The second wife was hopping in the sack with a guy I thought was my best friend within 4 months of our marriage. The third moved in with her dealer, whom she had apparently been screwing for the last six months. Both incidents ripped the guts out of me.
Last serious boyfriend–before I met my husband–cheated on me. It was remarkably humiliating later, when I realized the signs were there in front of me. Even more hilarious was that when we broke up, I was worried about how upset HE would be, how friendless he was, how he didn’t really have anyone. Hahaha! I was such a moron.
Anyway, I ended up really liking the girl (whom he eventually married). We did a lot of volunteer work together. Still thought he was a jerk, but I managed to put a good game face on whenever we saw them as a couple.
My (now-ex)boyfriend of ten months cheated on me just after we decided to move in together in 2000. He was on a weekend golf trip w/ his dad and his dad’s pals where he says he was picked up by their server at the country club. They had sex in her car when she dropped him off at the cottage his dad was renting for the weekend, in the driveway of said cottage, continuing even when his dad and pals drove up and walked by the car. Yep, he was drunk. He said he told her he had a girlfriend and she said she had a boyfriend BUT she still had a condom in her purse. In one of our ensuing arguments (he called me the next day to break up w/ me) I took an evil and strangely unsatisfying pleasure in telling him that she probably set him up in order to get pregnant by someone she thought was rich or to blackmail his dad’s pal who was a member of the club. It didn’t occur to him that she may have poked holes in the condom, etc. Right, she wouldn’t do that, that’s immoral!!
He apologized repeatedly and I eventually forgave him, and he used that against me when finally breaking up w/ me a few months later. He said it was a ‘weakness’ of mine. :rolleyes:
If any of you ever meets a girl from Michigan’s thumb named MandaLynn, don’t trust her.
Sounds like a douchebag. And the girl he cheated with sounds like the kinds of psychos my friend dates. These outwardly pretty, usually youngish, emotionally high strung alchoholic New York single gal types. Like the type who might get drunk and blow you because she’s mad at her boyfriend. I think he likes the drama or something.
Not to get off track, but there’s something about New York City that makes single women turn nuts.
I think the point is that you should be true to yourself. If you want to cheat or bang a shitload of women, be honest with yourself and don’t get married or go into a committed relationship. It bugs me when guys talk about getting married but still open to getting a little action on the side. What the fuck is the point?
I’m pretty sure there’s something about NYC that makes everyone turn nuts.
I knew we were more alike than different here. I feel the same way–if you want a closed commitment, make a closed commitment; if not, don’t. Anyway, there is such a thing as an ‘open marriage’; if one partner is cool with that and the other isn’t, it’s a recipe for disaster and it’s intellectually and morally dishonest to enter into a commitment of exclusivity.
About ten times on my first wife. It became apparent right after we got married that sex was not even a remote priority for her, but rather a duty to be borne for the sake of producing children. I was shocked, nay stunned, by this. After a couple of years, sex became so infrequent that I would lose track of the number of months - yes, months - that would go by without any serious physicality. Combine this with the fact that I was in the military with units that deployed for up to eight months at a time. It was inevitible that someone with my high sex drive would look around under those conditions, and I did. At least I was discreet, went into the affairs for the emotional content as well as the physical content, and stayed out of whorehouses. Oh well. It was one of the reasons I divorced her.
On my present wife, never even considered it. We have a satisfying sexual and emotional relationship and I only wish I had met her 20 years earlier.
I have no idea if any women in my past cheated on me.
