awwww…I’ve had worse places on my eyeball.
How about, “That 12-inch gash across your face makes you look kinda’ cool!”
No matter what - scrape, cut, bruise, fever, toothache - always offer to put a bandaid on them.
Whenever one of us used to get injured, my dad would say, “Are you bleeding?” If the answer was “no,” that was the end of the conversation.
Of course, once in a while we WERE bleeding. Which was a great moment:
“OWWW! Dad, I fell off my bike! Waaaaa!”
“Are you bleeding?”
(triumphant kid voice) “YES! I AM!”
“Wellll… it’s too far from your heart to kill you.”
Gee, thanks, dad.
If it’s not serious, I’ll ask them if it hurts. If they say yes, I’ll poke the wound and say “how about that, does that hurt too?” at first their stunned, but laughing so much they forget the injury.
I also say things like “Oh no, this is horrible. Life is so unfair…first World War II and now this!”
Okay, so I’m not dad of the year.
Another “Most Unlikely to get Dad Of The Year”
#1 most common response:
#2 M.C.R.
[sub] DISCLAIMER: I do not condone or allow retaliatory attacks; that said, what the hell do you expect them to do when you do something like that? Say “thank you, may I have another”?[/sub]
#3 M.C.R.
#4 M.C.R.
P.S. Of course, these are always followed up by efficient medical care and application of ice cream except where contraindicated.
“It can’t hurt, there’s no blood.” --learned from our wonderful boy scout friends
[minor hijack]We had a nurse in our old school whose sole remedies for all ailments were charcoal tablets and bandaids.
“My head hurts.”
“Here, have a charcoal tablet.”
“Nurse, I accidentally cut myself in Home Ec class.” “Here, have a bandaid.”
“Nurse, I partially decapitated myself with a rusty hacksaw.” “Here, have a bandaid and a charcoal tablet.”
Sure made us feel a lot more secure.
If one of the Russian nuclear power plants close to the Finnish border ever blows up, I’ll be well prepared. No radiation-related problems for me, oh no! There’s probably enough charcoal in my body by now to host a fairly large barbecue.[/minor hijack]
We always have “home sickness pills” with us on scout trips. (Fluoride tablets. Our children have very healthy teeth. :))When a kid comes to us crying, we give them a home sickness pill to make it better. The psychological effect is quite impressive. We tell the kid it’s a cure and it works about 90% of the time, especially if the pill is accompanied by “Okay, now how about you help us leaders [peel potatoes/fetch water/wipe the tables…]…”
Oh, just walk it off, you whining little weasel.
Well, maybe that’s sincere…
I love that. Must use…
Kid, “Mom! Cameron hit me!”
Me, “Well obviously not hard enough since you’re still conscious.”
Okay, don’t think I’m some kind of monster here, this was after a whole afternoon of listening to “he’s looking at me!”, “he took my lego and I had been playing with that three hours ago so I had it first!”, “he chews food funny, make him stop!” Personally, I’m amazed at my restraint! And I let them both live, too! 
“If that’s the worst thing that ever happens to you, you’ll be lucky.” - My Father, whenever I was injured, including two broken arms and innumerable stitches.
I’ve never really thought before how insincere that is.
My two favorites:
Child: I hurt my finger.
Daddy D_Odds: Well, let’s cut off your hand at the wrist. Then your finger will no longer hurt.
Child: I banged my elbow.
Daddy D_Odds: Don’t worry, it’ll heal by the time you’re married.
Sometimes used after ‘real’ injuries too, but only after first aid to try and get a smile (or at least take their mind off of their pain and to trying to cause Daddy D_Odds pain).
“It’ll heal before you’re married” was one we always got as kids.
Insincere things you say to kids who have a minor injury:
Pussy.
I was in on the “It’ll heal before you’re married”, too!
“Nobody likes you.”
Oh wait… that’s an insensitive thing that I say.
Whenever they fall on their butts I usually say “well, I’m not kissing THAT better!” That usually gets a giggle out of them.
“OWWW!!!”
“What did you do?”
“I stubbed my toe on that table!”
“Well why did you do THAT? That was pretty silly thing to do.”
What follows is usually me pretending to not understand that it was an accident and trying to get him to rationalize it, and him giggling hysterically telling me that I don’t understand.
“That oughta teach ya!”
“It hurts when I move”
“Stop moving then”