Instantly, I know the date will be a disaster when...

In My Humble Opinion
21

For online hook-ups only: Beware the Arty Photograph!

It took only one collapsed date to get that one into my head.

The guy sends me this cool, arty, black-and-white photo of himself. I meet him in person and I think, “Wait a sec…his picture gave him a jawline as I recall…”

And the book thing. I met this guy at my gym, and of course he lives right upstairs from it so I go up to, um, take a look at his etchings. And afterwards I’m looking around and realize that there isn’t a single book in the apartment. Not even a phone book.

I mention something-or-other I’d read recently and he remarks, “Well, I don’t read that much - I mean, if it isn’t in the seatback in front of me I probably don’t know about it.”

But this doesn’t deter me. A couple of dates later I show up, and I’m waiting for him to get dressed for us to go out so I pull out the newspaper. I quickly realize that not only does he not read, but he’s arranged the lighting so there’s no way he could read. I mean, the only place you could read the newspaper was to spread it out over his dining room table.

It ended soon after.

BTW I love John Reed, I grew up on a recording of his of the great patter songs.

22

It’s over, the moment I:

Hear anything negative about animals or pets.

See a long nose hair. Gag. Pluck, you shmuck.

Hear about how we’re going to be getting naked soon.

Hear about how you know just how to please a woman.

Hear that you just can’t wait to find out if I’m a real redhead… nudge nudge, wink wink.

Hear that you are tired of dating around and are ready to settle down. Soon.

Find that you have no books, no understanding of any humor other than slapstick, and are addicted to sci-fi, computer games and sports.

23

Well, in college I met this guy in a bar. He only asks me to dance because my cuter friend was tired and waved him over to me (“Ask HER.”) We hit it off, he apologizes for not asking me first because I just “looked too smart.” We go to some dive restaurant for breakfast after the bars closed. He asks me to go to Easter Sunrise services at his work in four hours. Except he lives/works at a christian children’s home, and no one can know we met in bar, okay? It gets better–he was a graduate of Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University. He has the thickest redneck accent you ever heard in your life. He goes by the initials H.B. because his freshman year he roomed with a guy with the same first name and they called him “HillBilly” to keep them straight (he was from rural West Virginia and showed up in overalls, no shirt, for orientation). He drove an ancient International Harvester Scout. It runs out of gas (or seems to) on the way back from the restaurant and he apologizes, hops out, and blows on some tube in the side to blow the sediment off the fuel intake in his gas tank. This works and the Scout restarts.

Not only am I NOT making one word of this up, I got a huge kick out of it at the time. I did go to Easter Sunrise Services with him (we each went to our respective homes for a few hours sleep). Everyone made a big fuss over us at the pancake breakfast afterwards, all of them asking how we met, how long did we know each other, etc. I didn’t even know his real name until I saw it printed on his bible at the service! This should be a total disaster of a story but you know what? He was just the greatest guy. We never made much of a couple, but we stayed friends and he’s just about the most interesting, unique, open-minded guy I ever met. I’ve lost touch with him and after writing this, boy I miss him!

24

One night, my friend Susann and I stopped by a coffee joint before we went to Good Love for dancing, drunkenness and general hilarity. Susann decided to invite the cute guy who worked there, Sean, along with us. We had talked once in a while, he was funny, so I was open-minded about the whole thing.

Well, we went to Good Love and danced. I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t drink, and Sean felt bad for me so he invited me back to his place, which was right up the street. I made is 100% clear to him that nothing physical would happen between us, and he said he understood.

We get to his place, I take some Alka-Seltzer and feel better. We sat on his couch, he turns on the TV and a porno tape starts playing on the VCR, mid-thrust. And then he leaves it on! And he asks me if I want to watch it! He acted like it was a usual occurence - meet girl, show her porno.

At this point I was ready to leave ASAP, but then he begs me to look at his IKEA bed and tell me what kind it is. I agree, and follow him to his bedroom. I look at it for a sec, say, “Okay, it’s a queen Logga with an Erja quiltcover and Vila sheets,” turn around and he’s standing there with his piece just hanging out. He had unbuttoned his fly, pulled out his penis, and set it there for me to look at! I was shocked and horrified beyond belief. I made some comment about, “Am I supposed to be impressed!?” and left. I had to find a pay phone, call a cab, pay $30 to get home…a big mess. What kind of weido does that? What did he expect would happen?

So, if a guy tries to show me his piece before the date even starts, it’s definitely a no-go.

25

I went out on a date with a girl I was friends with way back when and recently remet. I thought it might be fun. But then I guess my idea of fun is stabbing my eyes out with icepicks because this date was just non-stop freewheelin’ excitement.
Five minutes into the date, as we’re driving along in my car, she starts talking about sex. You’d think that would be great, right? Sadly, no. She talks about her one night stands and her past boyfriends. She talks about what one person said during sex, how he kept talking about his body. Wow…how interesting…please do continue in more detail.
If she wasn’t talking about any and every aspect of her sex life, she droned on about her father’s girlfriend who she apparently hates with a passion. Problem is, I’ve never met her. So she keeps me enraptured for at least half an hour about a woman she’s named “Snaggy” and everything she hates about her.

So…to answer the OP’s question: I know it’s going to be a bad date if they start talking about their ex within the first five minutes. For God’s sake women, have the decency to wait until minute six because, for those first 300 seconds, I really don’t care.

26

Wow makes my bad dates sound not so bad. It didn’t really start off all that bad EXCEPT for the first 30 minutes all she talked about was her dead boyfriend/fiance. Granted I knew this had to be a horrible experience in her life but honestly do I want to be consumed by that on a first date? Later into the date she starts telling me about how this guy just used her for sex and the like. Wow I wonder how hard she was trying to have a good time? Finally we get to the dance club and rather than dance with me what happens? Near the end of the night at about 2am she starts bumpin’ and grindin’ with some random guy. After I finally take her home she asks me why didn’t you have any fun? I didn’t have the heart to tell her what was wrong. The only problem is I was really hung up on this girl for awhile and it really crushed me for her to do this. She didn’t have to say yes to the date with me. OH well I’ll see her for the first time in about a year and a half at her cousins wedding (which we’ll both be in). Hmmm I know who I am going to avoid.

27

[seinfeld]
He took it out.
He took it out?
Yeah, he took it out.
It?
Yes.
Out?
Yes.
[/seinfeld]

Nacho, that is hilarious (and a bit scary)! And spritle, are you a fellow Terp or is there another Ratsie’s in a college town somewhere?

My past dating hell list:
*smoking
*telling me she’s Wiccan and gets a kick out of casting spells on ex-boyfriends. Um, I’m not trying to wake up one morning with any vital appendages having shriveled up, a la Beetlejuice.
*animal print cowboy hats; I’m positive there’s a special extra-hot sauna in hell for people who wear them.
*hearing the “N-Word” or other slurs during the date
*chewing tobacco (yuck!)

28

They don’t turn up
sigh

29

Or they cancel…twice. Grrr.

30

…the person I’m with is rude to a service person - waiter, counter person, etc. This is a walk away offense - I’m not interested in wasting any time with someone with this kind of problem.

31

Mm, current list of What Has Caused A Date To End.

  • In the back seat of my car was Amin Maalouf’s The Crusades Through Arab Eyes. She looked at that and made some comment about ‘heathen ragheads’. I was sure I had heard her incorrectly, so I stupidly said, “What?” She elaborated at length while I detoured from going to the restaurant and took her back to her place, where I stopped the car in the street and asked her to get out.

  • She lights up, and then asks, “Do you mind if I smoke?”

  • Um, ma’am, please let me know if you’re married and unhappy in your marriage BEFORE we go out.

  • And if you’ve got kids, I’d like to know about that BEFORE we go back to your place. Call me picky, but I’m only 24. I don’t plan on kids for several more years. And when I do, I plan on growing my own. (Nothing against single women with kids trying to find someone else. More power to you. However, I’m not your guy, and not mentioning that is a pretty big omission.) I’m open about what I am; I expect the same from you.

  • If you badmouth literacy, books, the History channel, the Minnesota Vikings, or the internet in general, you lose points. (Badmouthing the Vikes is acceptable-- nay, required-- in January of each year. However, you must firmly believe that it’s sheer coincidence that they fail at the end of every season, and that the NEXT year it’ll be better.) Let’s just keep judgemental comments to a minimum until we learn what each other’s likes and dislikes are.

  • Even though I appear to be a very regular guy, if you offer sex on the first date, there very probably won’t be a second date. If I wanted a cheap lay, I’d go find a crack whore. The purpose of the date is to get to know each other, which is a prerequisite to you getting in my pants. I would HOPE that it is a prerequisite to getting in your pants, too. I don’t consider a few hours of talking to be sufficient to get to know one another.

  • If you’re rude to a serviceperson, by extension you’ve just been rude to me. I spent many years of my life in the service industry, and I sympathize with them.

Of course, being picky also resulted in being alone for far too long, but that’s all fixed now. :slight_smile:

[sub]Hi, Laura![/sub]

32

This pretty much sums up my idea…

33

…when it’s me that the guy is going out with.

sigh

34

Omigod, yes. I’m newly single and the mere idea of dating gives me hives. (I’m not out of practice; I was never in practice.) For the record, my idea of a good date is enjoying someone’s company and getting to know him better rather than “pre-romance.” But a couple of well-meaning friends do this to me, too. Some of the more diasterous “chance” introductions:

  • the near-illiterate who enjoyed (quote) hunting and discussing conservative politics. Rationale: “But, “Veb”, you both love the outdoors!” Yeah, but that doesn’t include shivering in a duck blind in zero temperatures while listening to rants about the Trilateral Commission.

  • the successful exec who found it a little (quote) “odd” that I love reading so dearly but was willing to overlook it because I’m well employed. The pompous, ego-ridden, totally humorless twit informed me–shortly after being introduced–that of course I would understand his insistence on pre-nuptial agreements. He was quite offended when I laughed.

Veb

35

Well this happened to a friend of mine. The guy came to pick her up on their first date with his ex-girlfriend sitting in the back of the car. No joke.

36

When my trademark wit abandons me and I can’t think of anything to say, it’s going to be a long night (or a really short one). I tell you, after reading this thread, never again will I bitch about a bad date.

37

Well, I posted a thread about a bad date I had quite a while back, but upon reflection there were a few signs:

  1. She was meeting friends at the movie anyway; ie. We were going with her friends. Warning lights should have been flashing at this point. Though, I was almost hyperventilating when I asked her (had a great conversation & just went for it).

  2. The big give-away at the beginning of the date; she says to you, “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I don’t date.” Thus, I was instantly sure the date would be a disaster. But, at least she let me know upfront. And at least I was able to hide the hurt by saying, “Oh, yeah, I just wanted someone to go to the film with.” sigh Not one of my proudest moments. The lying, that is, not the date.

38

“I just know we’re going to have fun this evening. By the way, I want to talk to you about a good friend of mine. Someone you might want to get to know a little better. He’s called Jesus…”
Game over.
Good night, good life, goodbye.

39

Well, there was this one night when I was going to pick up quietgirl from her house. It was one of those nights when my 'rents weren’t home and… yeah. Anyway, I was a little early, so I amused myself by driving around the area a bit.

Then there was a guy on the road and he beckoned for me to put down my window. He said that he’d noticed me driving around and was going to call the police. :eek:

Quietgirl saw the whole thing from the bushes. We couldn’t get to each other for fear of her parents, and a cop car just kinda sorta happened to follow me to the main highway.

Yeah, that date was a disaster.

Other ones:

  1. He started to witness.
  2. He expected me to pay when I was the one who was invited. I don’t mind paying or going dutch… but when you ask someone out, you can’t expect them to pay your way.
  3. Hands that would not stop wandering. You’d damn well better keep that paw on my shoulder, asshole.
40

When the gentleman in question makes a big deal about his race, AND he e-mails me nude pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend. I was like, “dude, I’m looking for lunch, not sex”.

Suffice it to say, we did not get together for lunch or anything else.

Robin