Though not quite exactly. That’s definitely better than some of the other alternatives.
I’m glad to hear the above, and also that you are working on your issues together - it appears (and I’m hopeful that) many of my assumptions above are totally baseless and you should ignore my ‘run’ advice.
Snark & vanilla, be strong, and be true. Maybe that means not getting married, maybe that means getting married, but I hope it is all for the best either way. Ultimately, only you know what is right.
Excuse me for this hijack, but I have this curse. You see, as people tell me a story, I latch on to small details and do arithmetic on them. I’m sorry about this, vanilla, but something doesn’t add up.
You say:
> The reason why I want to be back in Ohio is that my
> parents are 81 and 85, and my mom is in a wheelchair.
You also say that you and Snark plan to have children. (I guess you already have a son by a previous marriage.)
That doesn’t add up. How old are you, vanilla? If you’re, say, 40, you were born when your parents were 41 and 45, which is within the range of possibility, I suppose. But you seem so sure that you can still have children (since you’re even willing to wait a year before getting married), which is possible but hardly certain at 40.
In fact, something else just occurred to me. Are you ten years or so older than Snark? (It’s certainly not typical among Mormons to be single past 30.) Is part of what’s bothering Snark’s parents that you’re so much older than him?
person, I am 41 til November. Bill is 34 til May. No, my age is Not an issue with his parents.
Yes, I am still able to have children. Nobody knows when they will go thru the change.
So at this moment, I am sure I can have kids.
We are not waiting a year however.
If we waited too long, and the change of life comes before usual, then thats the way God wanted it.
Thanks. Nice to know I don’t always come off sounding like a jerk.
Snark & Vanilla – as I said before, I really do not know you. I wish you all the luck in the world, though. Be true to yourselves and to each other. It won’t solve all your problems, but it makes a lot of the big ones seem more manageable. (The small problems, paradoxically, are often more difficult to put behind you. My best advice there [and worth every penny you have paid for it] is keep your perspective.)
That’s not a smartalec remark; it’s the only possible overall answer. Because people are different.
If one person is sufficiently devoted to a faith that requires marriage within that faith (and please let’s not get focused on LDS doctrine here – anything from the Amish to the pre-Vatican II Catholics would fit), then the two affianced parties need to sit down and sort this out with a long heart-to-heart conversation, or a bunch of them. If the difference in faiths is going to make a significant difference in lifestyle, same thing. Neither can require anything of the other, but either can make the marriage plans conditional on coming to a working agreement on how they practice their faith(s).
You can broaden this to almost anything important to the parties in a marriage, but divergent religious faiths is often a significant stumbling block. (FTR, my wife and I have been led in precisely the same directions at precisely the same times, which speaks volumes to me, since neither I nor she is a submissive follower of others’ views.)
For the record, I am LDS, I dont know everything about it yet, but am learning. The OP is somewhat moot.
However I am back in Ohio as snark’s father bought me the ticket and told me snark would be happier if I were gone, that I was stressing him out. Lovely I was intimidated and went sorry to say. But I am coming back for good. Utah is a better place to raise children(certainly better than Cleveland!).
Snark is angry with his dad for telling vanilla to leave because she was (supposedly) upsetting him. Snark isn’t going to listen to nay-saying relatives any more.
Sometimes the relatives are right and sometimes they are wrong, what they need to learn is you are going to do what you want no matter what they think.
If you guys want to get married with a web cam, then all the dopers can attend. Give us your address and then we can send you lots of stuff.
Believe me I know that there is a rough road ahead for you guys, not just because of the situations you have mentioned on this board, but just because marriage is tough. Just remember that no matter what you guys love each other.
Don’t argue about money ever. Always discuss purchases.
Never go to bed angry, hash it out even if it takes all night.
Make-up sex is great so end your arguments quickly so you can get to the fun stuff.
Try new things but never force the other one to do something that they do not want to do.
Don’t marry the person you think you can live with, marry the person that you know you cannot live without.
Have fun. Really, marriage should have a lot more fun times than bad times. If it does not fix it.
Don’t try to change the person you marry. You should marry someone for who they are not who you think they can/will be.
Never say anything bad about your spouse’s family, even if you have heard them say it themselves. Sometimes the same words they have used might make them mad at you.
Listen to your spouse. Don’t be thinking about what you will say next. Actually stop and think about every word out of their mouth and try to comprehend it.
Don’t try to solve your spouse’s problems unless they ask you for a solution, sometimes they just want to vent.
Don’t listen to everyone trying to tell you how to have a good marriage. Every marriage is different, learn what is best for the two of you.
I really do wish the both of you the best, whatever the future holds.
Great advice, Jeffery, thanks. As for posting our address, there are too many crazies out there to do that (trust me, I’m one of 'em).
If someone doesn’t move this thread to MPSIMS quickly, the integrity of Great Debates will be hopelessly compromised and chaos will reign supreme! Or maybe not.
I was just kidding about posting your address of course.
Hey, you can set up a PayPal ID and then post that and we can all setup ones for ourselves and then we can transfer money to your PayPal ID in lieu of gifts. Just a thought.
Didn’t vanilla originally say she was going home to Ohio to get an apartment and a job for them to move there? And now she’s moving to Utah? What about her parents that she’s so concerned about leaving?
A lot has happened and it would take more time than I can have here at the library to clear it up, Esp. but in a nutshell;
I made a mistake. Before I even arrived here(to amazing humidity) I realized Utah is sooo much better for my son, who was fishing, hiking, camping, etc. It is so much safer there, not the mention the fact that I told Bill already I want to be with him, wherever he feels he must be, Utah, Alaska, Boink Illinois, whatever.
My mistake.
Yes, jeffrey, what a wonderful post. Yes, I cannot live without Bill, we have lived together for 2 months, so we pretty much know how to work things out, compromise, etc.
Communication is utmost important.
But that IS a good idea, we will definitely be needing help, as we are really low financially wise.
Sorry to spill our guts all voer the place here, but its not like others havent.
I’m almost surprised Phaedrus hasnt shown up(shhhh, dont wake him from the dead)
Anyway, thats the way it is.
ANy Utahns want to put up a woman and her son?
Hey, if you don’t want to read about it, don’t open the thread.
And as Rose knows, I have the memory of an elephant with amnesia. Sometimes I can’t remember things I said yesterday, let alone remember things I said a month or a year ago. The OP was “Great Debates” in nature anyway. I simply wanted to know people’s opinions on interfaith marriages, not necessarily mine. It just happened, in other words, Sqrl.
Now that’s something I don’t hear every day.
