Gosh. I didn’t read his email as anything weird, unless you clipped what came after the “later”? Around here, we tend to use that as an all-purpose “goodbye.” Like “see ya!” or something. We tend to sign off the phone with “Talk to you later” even if, well, we won’t be talking to that person ever again.
But I’m in Ohio and we’re just fucking weird.
No, I didn’t clip off the end of his second message. “Later” means “see ya” around here too, but it’s not really something you’d say if you had no intention of seeing someone again. Don’t know if your Ohio regionalism extends to Kansas, where this guy is.
I guess what struck me was… I answered his first message with a pretty clear no, and he didn’t seem to get it. I didn’t say “I’d like to just be friends, if you’re up for that instead.” I didn’t suggest keeping any contact at all. No need for him to write back again. Yet here he is, telling me his travel plans, and letting me know (by referring back to his itinerary in his first email) that he’s going to be passing through my area soon. Signing off with “later” here suggests to me that he thinks this conversation will be continued when he’s closer by. Maybe I’m wrong; guess I’ll find out.
I suppose to some folks I’ll be coming across as oversensitive, but I’ve dealt IRL with a guy who was both this keen on being in a relationship (any relationship! at any cost!), and “deaf” to my clearly expressed level of interest (or lack thereof). It was no fun getting untangled from that situation; I don’t have any desire to encourage a repeat of that.
And getting back closer to the topic of this thread, it’s past experience that then affects how I respond to anyone I hear from, and I’m sure I’m not the only person like this.
Shouldn’t your screen name be Katisha?
It’s early, but I’m not getting it 
VCNJ~
I forgot to add I have both face and full length pictures on my profile.
Katisha is the hideous bunny-boiler in The Mikado to whom Nanki-Poo made the fatal mistake of being nominally polite, which she read as an overture of marriage. Consequently he fled the court disguised as a Second Trombone and has been on the run ever since living the life of a wandering minstrel. When she arrives on the scene, she explains to Ko-Ko and Pooh-Bah that although her face is unattractive, she has many other redeeming features, for example “My left shoulderblade is a miracle of loveliness” - which is where I came in.
–Mal, sometime Mikado, Pooh-Bah, and assorted other G&S roles.
Gotcha. Sorry I missed the obvious
That was my take on it too. I just assumed it was a habit he had for signing off. I used to use later in the same manner for years.
Well I joined a week ago I think. Got 2 winks the first day, and sent 11 emails out so far. One that winked deleted her profile before she responded to me, a day after winking (then why even bother??), and the other I never heard from after I emailed her. I did get 1 response from one of the 11…her response: *I’m not sure I can explain it, but after reading the profile, something’s not right in my tummy. *
I made her sick to her stomach?? C’mon!
I haven’t done any of those things you shouldn’t do, I was within her range, wanted the same things, make good money, own a home, in shape, …I don’t get it. I signed up for 3 months, so I’ll see what happens…but I’m not holding my breath.
Meh, sometimes people just suddenly realize that they aren’t really into the whole online dating thing. They might have just written to or winked at someone, but then regretted it and decided to remove their profiles. It’s not unusual, IME.
Well, I took her comment to mean that she had a gut feeling you two wouldn’t be a good match, but I’d say this one is no big loss. I mean, come on: a grown woman who says “tummy?” 
I’ve done enough Internet dating to have developed a philosophy about it. I don’t get resentful at women for not writing back, etc. the Internet is just a tool to meet people. It has a different form but the same funtion as a neighborhood bar. Getting mad at women for not responding is like meeting one face-to-face who isn’t interested. That’s their prerogative. From what I’ve seen, women are neither experienced at nor inclined to pursue men, either online or off. They expect us to do the initial work. That’s just the way our culture is. It may seem infuriating, but in reality it’s the women who are giving away the initiative.
It IS a numbers game, just like any other kind of dating. The more you put yourself out there, the better you do. I happen to be a decent writer, and I’ve found that makes a difference. In fact, the approach that has worked best for me just follows with how anyone should present yourself: Put your best foot forward. Post a picture wherein you look nice but that does not mislead about how you REALLY look. Write a clever, original profile. This stuff is half the battle, but it’s surprising how few people think enough to do these things.
Another big stumbling block for many seems to be a lack of awareness about who they might realistically attract. I weigh over 300 pounds and make less than $20k a year; why on Earth would I write to a model who lives in Manhattan? But a lot of guys (and women) don’t have that much sense.
You know, I’d think that myself, except-- I have 3 profile pictures posted. None of them-- not a one-- shows so much as a hint, bulge, curve, or swell of my bodacious cleavage. (I had one up for a while that was a whole-body shot-- with me in a sweater holding a large cat in front of my chest.) And what do I hear, over and over, from guys? “Nice chest!” There’s no possible way they could know! (I certainly don’t talk about it in my profile, either.)
Seriously, some guys seem to think that complimenting someone’s sexy looks is a good way to start a conversation. It’s not, really-- it’s creepy. I spent a few hours making that profile look good, why not read it and comment on something in the profile? (One guy I talked to, one day, said “Gosh, like five people have commented on my favorite pen” because his profile said he would only use a specific type of pen. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that while he sounded really nice, and smart, and was cute, that was the ONLY unique thing in his profile. Put something unique in it!)
The latest two:
Man, if I got responses that polite and charitable, I’d consider myself damned lucky.
Anyway, keep at it.
Stranger
That’s why I tend to stick to peer women; average build, average height or shorter, professionally employed but not necessarily lawyers or MDs (who are usually looking for very high-end men), attractive but not necessarily “hot,” and about seven years younger to about four years older of me. On a 1-10 scale of attractiveness, I consider myself to be about a 6.5. If a women is more attractive than a 7.5, I’m reluctant to make a first contact; it seems like too much investment for too little return. I have better luck with other 6.5s. Well, they never feel “chemistry” for me, but I have a much better response rate with them.
Amen!
I did the personals thing for years, probably met close to 150 women over a 5 year period. If you are serious about doing it, do some of the following:
Write an ad like you are writing a resume, you have to sell yourself, don’t look like a basic form.
Pictures…must
Volume: Don’t be picky! Decide what traits you really want then expand that pool by 15-20% on either end. People rarely fit a mold and you never know when your perfect woman is going to come along and she doesn’t fit your profile.
I had a form letter with small sections that I personalized to speed up the process. Plan on sending at least 30-40 a week.
Keep notes: Especially if you end up in alot of chat and or email convos, review, doublecheck, then send.
Expect nothing
Save chat conversations, make notes of various things you talked about, save copies of emails, review, add more notes after dates and or meets, even if you didn’t think it went all that well.
Ok, I am in. I have been with Match for a few years, mostly because I am too lazy to stop the automatic payment. 3/4 of the time my profile is hidden because I am “too busy to date.” Except the truth is that I have only gone on few dates from Match. I have had one 6 month relationship and one 3 date match and that’s it. I am not very photogenic and I do have a kid but it still seems like I should be attracting a little more attention. (Ummm, if not, break it to me gently. Please?) So, would those of you who are feeling charitable kindly look over Christine7777 and let me know what is off-putting? I have been half-heartedly thinking I would revise the profile sometime but I have not quite gotten around to it (from spending way too much time on the SDMB, methinks.) So, constructive comments may be put to good use. The bathing suit picture is under great consideration now (too slutty? too forward? too weird?) It was mainly to show I am curvy but not overweight.
Out of curiosity, I actually went and looked at your profile, Leibowitz. I lived in Oregon for a while, so it made me a smile a little. You are a classic West Coaster! 
I don’t have any insights you could implement that would make anyone knock down your door, but I do have some thoughts. First of all, your looks aren’t a problem; you look fine. What might be a problem is the first sentence of the profile: “I am very focused on my job and spend a lot of time at work.” This is not exactly encouraging, and sets a “why bother?” tone right off the bat for a guy who is casually reading profiles. Also, you might think your son being 17 makes it easier, but the reality is the opposite. Your son is on the edge of manhood, and old enough to openly resent and compete with someone you date if he so chooses. This is the thought that goes through MY head when a teenager is part of the picture, anyway. Dealing with teens is a LOT harder than young children. It takes a guy who is pretty self-confident, and this further reduces your eligible pool.
But a bigger issue (you asked for the truth, so I’m giving it to you) is your demographic. There are TONS of single women 35 to 55 years old. They generally outnumber women of any other category. To apply economics terminology, you are the supplier in a buyer’s market.
This is not a hopeless situation, but you might have to change your strategy a litle bit. For one thing, it sounds like you aren’t being proactive about really meeting someone. This definitely hurts you. If there are so many women around your age looking, how do you stand out?
If I were you I would tweak your profile a bit. Stop talking like you really don’t care if you meet anyone. You don’t have to get all romantic, just seem more open to possibilities. Also, get less specific in what kind of man you are looking for. You said you are “curvy” yourself, but in your profile you say you want men who are “about average, athletic and toned, slender.” Men like that may not be as likely to be interested in curvy women. And I would be willing to meet a man more than one year younger than you. There are some mature ones in their mid 30s ya know.
But most importantly, start e-mail guys! Few women are very proactive in how they go about this, so use that to set yourself apart from the crowd. It sounds from your profile that you aren’t in any hurry, and as a result you’ve reaped what you have sowed. But it doesn’t need to be that way.
Leibowitz: I have to agree with Lizard about the issue of sounding more open to dating.
If I were you I’d just delete everything before “I am drawn to men with whom I share values…” and the part about “It seems crazy to mess with this by dating”.
It’s been my experience that guys generally don’t read profiles over very carefully, so even though you did say you want to date, I can easily picture a guy who just skimmed through the profile getting the idea you don’t want or need anyone new in your life.
I’d also get rid of the reference to stuff like not wanting “needy” guys or “my other half”. My theory is that it’s better to emphasize the positives in a profile. I think mentioning negative traits in yourself OR others is likely to backfire.
Besides, “needy” is kind of subjective, so I think it’s best just to wait and see from how the guy acts if he’s needy.
Good luck. Your profile makes you seem like a cool, smart lady so I am sure you can find a good guy out there!
Both!