Yeah! Congrats! How lucky, especially when you consider the percentages… 
That’s very cute Swiddles.
I told you, i was 100% dateable. That’s the only percentage that counts.
…New news by the way, she wants to see me again. woohoo!
So next weekend it’s the zoo. And a picnic with her friends and mine in the park. We shall see how well this one holds up.
Internet Dating, aint’ it a peach.
great news!!! Did she compliment you on your matching sock color?
as I earlier said:
Look’s like i was right. I’m very happy for you and wish you the best of luck!
Right. Here’s an update!
Second date happened last night. I’m not so sure I want to see her again, but I feel I should really give her another chance. We’ve spoken a few nights in between our first and second dates on the phone. The more I’m getting to know her, the less interested I am becoming. She’s nice, but just not my type I suppose. She’s extremely over zealous about being together with me as well. This I see as trouble to come. So I’m just being patient now, hoping she’ll wake up and see what she’s doing, that it’s ONLY been two dates, and there’s no need to rush into anything…
And what should I make of the fact that she’s told everyone she knows about me? Flattery? A little too excited about all this? I’m starting to worry. I can’t blame Internet Dating for this, this is just the normal course of discovering who you are dating I suppose. So any suggestions? Do I give her another chance? or am I being too harsh just yet…
Hmmmm. Well, what has she told people? That she saw someone and he was great (which is normal), or that she wants to be the mother of your children? (which is scary)
In the end, it comes down to how YOU feel. If you’re getting a weird vibe from her, then you owe it to yourself to back away. And to let her know that you’re not as interested.
Of course, I suck at relationship advice, so take all this with a LARGE grain of salt.
Soul,
Aren’t you telling everyone about her too with this thread? You can try to back off and maybe she’ll get a signal.
I wonder though if it isn’t the classic ‘male afraid of commitiment’. Of course 2 dates is awful soon to get serious.
My SO and I moved in with each other after 3 months though and have been together 3 years now.
hehe…
Yes luna, I suppose I am telling everyone with this thread. I suppose it’s her telling me that she’s telling everyone she knows about how wonderful I am. It’s flattering, but really, it’s only been two dates so far, and it was on our second date that she told me this. I can pass this off as her being excited, as I am excited about a new relationship as well, but this isn’t exactly a realationship in full swing, it’s two people who met on the internet and decided to meet IRL, and date. I’m definitely not afraid of commitment. On the contrary, I am completely for it, and was hoping to meet someone that was into commitment as well, but not this soon. There’s a degree to which a person must know his/her SO before they can be considered a SO. I hardly know her, but I like her for who she is so far. It’s the jumping my bones and incessant flattery and demanding attention that has occured on a second date that’s scaring me. Could she perhaps be unprepared emotionally for a relationship? Am I perhaps just being too hard on her just yet? Maybe I’m also just still a bit nervous about the fact that I don’t know her so well, and only met her on the internet. But like I said, we’ve gone out on two dates. That’s it.
::sigh::
we shall see what this weekend brings…
Could be. How old is she? (just out of curiosity)
You have every right to be nervous and should deal with caution. The fact that she’s not acting cautiously might show something about her state of mind. However, women do tend to be more emotional and can get ‘overzealous’ as you put it. So it could be innocent.
I would suggest keeping and open mind and just feeling it out.
She’s 22. I’m 25. She’s grown up in a pretty much sheltered home, free from violence, drugs and all the lovely “typically” associated American culture our High Schools have to offer. I on the other hand… well, we don’t need to discuss where, with whom, and how I’ve been…
Way different backgrounds. I am though, trying to keep an open mind, it’s just cloudy out today, so I’m having trouble seeing clearly.
Well, best of luck!
I believe a wise poster once told me to stop overthinking everything and just go on a damned date. In fact, soul, I think you might know that poster…
If you have fun with her, then that’s all that counts at this stage in the game. However, if you get the creepy feeling when you’re around her, and you find her quite ho-hum in general, then it’s not gonna work no matter now much you wrestle with it. But as someone who tends to get over-zealous with everything about life, I’m here to tell you not to hold her over-zealousness against her.
But, as a wise non-poster once told me, if there ain’t chemistry to begin with, then no amount of mixing is gonna create it. So the real question is: do you have chemistry with this chick? Is being with her fun? If it is, then different backgrounds and different excitement levels can be worked around. Good luck!
Good for you! The odds were against you, but you pulled through!
What do I mean by that? Read on…
1). Personal ads with photographs will always attract more reponses than those without. Some people’s search criteria will, in fact, reject any ad that does not have a photograph.
2). Women will get more responses than men. It’s painful, but true, Soulsling. You need to buy a lottery ticket; unless, that is, you think you used up all your luck. Good catch!
and lastly, a “duh”:
3). More universally attractive criteria in general will increase the likelihood of getting a response. For example, people who report that they weigh over 300 lbs. or are devil worshippers are less likely to get a response in they state their weight as 150 lbs. and religion as Christian.
Of course, the last one varies slightly by environment (a Christian, for example, would not be so well-received at a pagan dating service), but if you change the environment a little, it will hold pretty true.
As for my own experience, with but two exceptions, I met all of my girlfriends/lovers IRL first, although the Internet often does later play a role in our communication.
I have been stood up four times by women I contacted over the Internet (in the traditional sense, too - we made a date at a specific place and time and she didn’t show!) and had three disasters occur on first dates. In fact, within the last year, I’ve only had one decent date facilitated by an online dating service.
My Internet dating record, then is pretty damn poor. I’ve had much better luck being introduced by friends, meeting at school, and, in the latest instance, meeting at a friend’s wedding.
Make of that what you will.
Pete
Long time RGMWer and ardent AOLer
Sorry to jump on this particular bandwagon so late in the game. I think internet dating is a great way to meet people. You just have to go in knowing that you could go through quite a few perfectly nice people before you get the spark. I’ve been on match.com since March and my experience has been positive. Being female in silicon valley, it does give me more options than it does the men in the same boat, but I think that overall it’s been positive for them as well. There are many things I like about it.
I can devote as little or as much time as I like. I can take my profile down for a while if life gets busy and I don’t want to deal with it. I can screen people on the basis of their writing skills. Some people think that’s obnoxious, but bad grammar is a pet peeve and I don’t want to be with someone who cannot write well. I’ve probably had 70-80 guys write me and I think I’ve met 9 or 10 in person. When I first started I tried to write everybody back. I don’t any more, it’s too exhausting, and a lot of these guys don’t deserve my attention. I mean if you’re going to choose a user name like ‘hornyhomie’ do you really think I’m going to want to discuss a long term relationship with you? Now I write back to people who live within 20 miles of me (match keeps track through zip codes), express themselves well, and ask me questions. If they don’t ask me anything, they are probably not the kind of person I want to be with. I try not to maintain a solely email relationship for longer than a couple of weeks. If he doesn’t want to meet IRL, what’s the point? If I’m interested I usually will invite them to call me at my cell phone number, which always rolls over to voicemail and I can go from there.
The guys I’ve met in person have ranged from 2 ‘hell no, never again’ dates to mostly nice guys who I wasn’t interested enough to pursue myself, but I would have gone out with them again had they asked. I’ve only had one who I really liked, and I followed up with an email, but he didn’t call (poor me, poor me).
The phenomenon I have noticed is that there seems to be a large number of guys who get upset about weight, but not in quite the way I had expected. I am overweight and honest about it. I have posted a current picture (2 months old at this point) and plan to update it every few months. I have had a couple of guys get upset when they met me because, even though they had seen my picture, they didn’t believe that an intelligent, funny, well spoken (written?) woman could be fat?!?! I came away thinking they’re idiots, but still hopeful for the future.
So soulsling, good luck, and even if this one doesn’t work out, don’t give up. I’ve been lurking around here for a while and been impressed by the way you present yourself in writing. I’m sure there will be an emotionally mature, attractive woman in DC who will see that too.
Soulsling.
I have found out what the most unattractive trait is in a prospective SO. I found this out last year. Overeagerness/clingyness/ending in desparation.
Someone once said it well:
*** The Runner is Chased***
Maybe it’s not nice that it works this way…
It’s true though.
I, however think you are voicing reasonable concerns, and should not feel obligated or even slightly bad for backing off. But that’s me. Feeling uncomfortable this early in the game is probably a harbinger of things to come.
However, I am a Cynical Bastard™.
Yup!
The dreaded day comes near. I have avoided speaking to her for two days only to be constantly bombarded with phone calls and messages on my answering machine. “Call me when you get home, I really miss you, and I’m worried…”
This is very unnerving to me, as we have seen each other twice, and of course spoken several times beforehand, but never, in all my quarter of a centuries life, have I been met with someone who so quickly has decided that she knows exactly how she feels so accurately as this one proclaims. Desperation is the only word coming to mind. So my decision of late is whether or not to discuss this unnerving behavior, or to simply explain my fears and disgust at her behavior towards me and let her down the only possible way I can. It’s tough. I don’t want to hurt her, but too, she is jumping just a bit too eager. I may be a slut on the boards, but IRL I sure as hell have more restraint than a pit bull on a chain sorrounded by tossed meat.
On a lighter note, a good friend of mine has decided to finally try some “online matchmaking” and has gotten a few numbers. I hope he has better luck than I of course. A tip he gave me was, Don’t discuss everything before you’ve met yet. I wondered if this was because I would be left without anything to discuss on the date, but instead, it was to avoid any pre-concieved mis-notions about each other, and to get to know each other right off the bat from the very start IRL.
:: raises glass to toast ::
Here’s to the next one…
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by soulsling *
**
Yup!
The dreaded day comes near. I have avoided speaking to her for two days only to be constantly bombarded with phone calls and messages on my answering machine. “Call me when you get home, I really miss you, and I’m worried…”
**
My Ex called me 3-5 times and emailed me 3-6 times a day. It got so I would not answer the phone at work. I hated it. At home I could at least busy out the phone. The worst bit is when she was crying hysterically in my living room, screaming at me that she would change, that she would do -anything-, etc. if we would stay together. It hurt, but I couldn’t stay with her. She could not change from who she was to please me. It just isn’t possible. She wasn’t a bad person, we were just a bad match**
** I may be a slut on the boards, but IRL I sure as hell have more restraint than a pit bull on a chain sorrounded by tossed meat.**
This quote has left an indelible picture on the inside of my cranium. It’s perfect.
Wonko- Cynical Bastard sup
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by soulsling *
**
Yup!
The dreaded day comes near. I have avoided speaking to her for two days only to be constantly bombarded with phone calls and messages on my answering machine. “Call me when you get home, I really miss you, and I’m worried…”
**
My Ex called me 3-5 times and emailed me 3-6 times a day. It got so I would not answer the phone at work. I hated it. At home I could at least busy out the phone. The worst bit is when she was crying hysterically in my living room, screaming at me that she would change, that she would do -anything-, etc. if we would stay together. It hurt, but I couldn’t stay with her. She could not change from who she was to please me. It just isn’t possible. She wasn’t a bad person, we were just a bad match
** I may be a slut on the boards, but IRL I sure as hell have more restraint than a pit bull on a chain sorrounded by tossed meat.**
This quote has left an indelible picture on the inside of my cranium. It’s perfect.
Wonko- Cynical Bastard sup
soulsling, I think you at least owe it to her to express your concerns about her “over-eagerness”. Just try to talk with her about it as honestly as possible and see if she can slow down a little bit. I know in my most recent relationship I had this same problem at the beginning. The SO would call three times a day and want to see me every single day, which is just not possible with my work schedule. However, I explained all this to her and how she might end up pushing me away and she stopped all that. The relationship became a lot better (for me) almost instantly. She has since admitted that it was tough for her to slow things down, but that it was also good for her.
Now I will also concede that this habit of constantly needing to speak to you could also be a sign of immaturity or worse . . . you uh, don’t own a nice fluffy bunny rabbit do ya ? 
- NM