I need serious help. This is my situation. I moved back home with my child in tow following a really nasty divorce that basically left me penniless. However, when I say I moved back home because of my financial situation I had to move into my mother and stepfather’s abode. This creates a great deal tension and stress in my life as I try to save enough money to rent an apartment or a house.
The major problem I have is my stepsister, heretofore to be known as stepb*tch, 40, who calls this home at least 15 times per day. The calls begin at 5 a.m., when she begins preparing for work and continue through the day until after 1 a.m. at night.
My child does not have to get up for school until 7 a.m., but is regularly awakened by her annoying calls. Also, working a full-time job in which I’m basically on-call 24-hours a day, I go to bed at 11 p.m.
The solution: I move out. Sounds simple, but I simply don’t have the funds at this point. I’ve tried leaving the phone off the hook, but if my stepfather doesn’t hear from his beloved daughter at least 5 times a day, he grows nervous. I’ve tried turning down the ringer, but he then complains he can’t hear the phone and I end up getting it anyway just so I can go back to sleep.
I’ve also tried letting it ring until the answering machine picks up. She calls back every two minutes until someone answers (it’s not atypical to come home from work and find 30 blank messages on the machine–all from her). My stepfather feels she walks on water and I’m the demon seed for suggesting she observe normal calling times. Any suggestions? For that matter, anybody willing to rent an apartment or house cheap. Thanks.
Sounds like a miserable situation for you, but I’m afraid you’ve already hit on the solution: move out.
It’s not your home, and regardless of how annoying your step-relatives are or the time of day or night, you have absolutely no right to set rules regarding phone calls there.
My sympathy on your situation. Hope you can grit your teeth and get past it quickly.
I would go insane! Oh, sheerah, I feel for you.
Do you think your stepfather would accept a pager? If he had a pager, he would be sure to know exactly when his daughter was calling, and you would never have to answer it. He could even get the vibrating kind, so there wouldn’t even be the incredibly aggravating beeps. Also with a pager, he could call her back from wherever he is, and thus reduce the number of blank answering machine messages.
I say buy him a pager, teach him how it works, and give the stepbitch its number every single time she calls. That might do the trick.
When I had some housemates whose schedule was different than mine, (a musician whose piano was directly upstairs from my bedroom - ack!) I got a pair of those foam earplugs that you squish up and they expand to fill your ear canal. They work very well, provided that you are like me and wake up several times during the night. I could take them out when I woke up so that I would still hear my alarm clock in the morning. A sound sleeper might not be able to use this option.
I know this won’t help your child immediately, but maintaining your sanity is essential in getting you out of there and getting things to return to normal.
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
– Emo Phillips
Thanks, guys. I appreciate your help. However, the situation has further deteriorated because of the time I spent on-line last night discovering the “Pit” and posting my message. My stepfather went ballistic, complaining that I was “tying up the phone line and she couldn’t get through.” Of course, I was incensed, but acquiesced and immediately logged off.
Today, he’s not speaking to me and upon returning from work overheard him tell my mother to kick me and my son out. (I told you this living situation was destroying my nerves and elevating my stress.)
What makes matters much worse, is that I really do not have other family to which I could turn. My father died when I was in high school and I have no other close relatives in this area. My closest friends are married and in states of marital discord (I fear several of them will be divorced within the next year). I did decide when I overheard his comments that I will investigate low interest home loans through FHA.
Does anyone out there have any advice or knowledge of FHA requirements. I live in a rural state with few lending institutions who would approve a home loan for more than $80,000 on my income (I’m an editor of a weekly newspaper). Help, please.
Oh, and I doubt the pager idea would work. Simply because I would suggest the idea, I’m sure he would refuse it. Like I said, he considers me the demon seed. Thanks anyway; I do believe it would be an acceptable alternative for any rational human being, but I have my doubts my stepfather qualifies as either (rational or a human being.) Thanks again.
Sheerah, I don’t intend to be mean (even though this is the Pit), but how would you be able to afford the down payment, closing costs, and house payments for a home if you can’t at this point afford the $500 to $1000 it would take to get an apartment?
Is there anyone you could get a short-term loan from for an apartment? If you can swing the rent, you could pay back the first month’s rent/deposit money to a friend or family (or a bunch of them, chipping in) over several months. Even if your four, five, or six closest friends/relatives can’t put you up, they could each loan you $100 to help get you back on your feet.
You can find lots of information on FHA loans on the Internet by just searching for FHA or “Federal Housing Authority,” and most libraries have Internet access if using the computer at your stepdad’s house is too much of a hassle. Also, most mortgage companies and banks have brochures on FHA programs that they will give you for free. But it seems to me that maybe your initial priority should be getting out of your stepdad’s house and into an apartment. One step at a time, you know?
Jodi
Fiat Justitia
Oh fuck off, Catastrophe. If you’d read the thread you quoted, you’d realize most of the people disagreed with the OP.
Read the last two entries and must say I was taken aback. Being a new member to the boards but a long-time Cecil and TSD reader, I figured this was allowed. (I had certainly read worse on some of the other boards listed.)
However, because I apparently misunderstood the purpose of the message boards I shall clarify.
I hate my stepbitch. I can’t stand her. And it really just galls me to know that as long as my mother is married to this apron-string-attached man, that I will have to have some sort of contact with this brainless twit.
Is that a good enough flame?
I’m sorry to have wasted your time; I was ignorant of the apparent rules. I will sign off and post no more.
Forgive me please.
SHEERAH – Like any public forum, this one attracts it’s share of assho-- uh, critics. Especially here in the Pit, where flaming and gratuitious meanness are generally allowed, in order to ensure such behavior doesn’t spill over into the other, more civilized forums (fora?). It’s best not to have too thin a skin around here, especially if you’re posting in the Pit. I’d hate to see you “post no more” because of a grand total of one crappy comment. But if one crappy comment will succeed in driving you off, this is definitely not the place for you. Have you tried MPSIMS or General Questions? Stick around; it’s pretty fun around here most of the time.
Jodi
Fiat Justitia
I agree with the others that the only solution is to move out as quickly as possible.
One thing you haven’t mentioned, though, is what your mom thinks of all this.
What difference would it make what Mom thinks? Sounds like the stepdad is paying the bills, and since it is his house, it is his way or the highway.
This is a tough one, but parents usually do prefer their own children over others.
The only thing you can do is hang on, with the use of a benzodiazepene if necessary and move out as soon as you can afford it.
Ignore the step-sister, it isn’t her fault her father adores her.
lindsay
O.K. I knew I said I wouldn’t post any additional messages, but I feel I must clarify some recent points contained in the last post.
Number one, my stepfather does not pay the bills. My mother, age 64 (I was a very, very late baby), continues to work and support this man on a minimum wage budget. I contribute nearly a third of my paycheck to buying groceries, paying the phone bill, helping with the electric and gas bills, and any other necessary expenses. My stepfather is retired and has a checking account only in his name and his daughter’s. He pays nothing.
Number two: this is the house my father and mother shared before his death. My father was a couple of years from retiring before he died, so the house has been paid off for quite some time. Mind you, my stepfather moved in here and gave his home to his daughter.
Number three: my mother has, on occasion, sided with me when my father has accused me unjustly, I might add, of treating his 40-year old daughter rudely. In fact, this daughter continues to this day to treat my mother in a horrid fashion and comments with such disrespect and venom that I would be ashamed to use the same language with her. I simply ignore her presence whenever possible.
Number four: My stepfather in the past six months has grown more passive-agressive towards me (i.e., criticizing the way I raise my son in his presence; hitting my car and causing $1500 damage while it was sitting in the driveway --not blocking him-- and then denying it and refusing to pay to have it fixed; and “forgetting” to tell me when I was called in to work on a late-breaking story, thereby nearly causing my termination from my employer). Mind you, I continue to come home from work, help my son with his homework and generally avoid everyone else in the household until I go to bed. I do not even sit in the same room with this man for fear of what I’ll be accused of next.
Number five: FHA requires no downpayment and closing costs can be included in the loan amount. I have an appointment to see a representative on Monday.
Wish me luck guys. Thanks for the advice.
I don’t mean to sound flippant, but Sheerah, when you move? – maybe you could ask your mom if she’d like to come with you.
Sounds like she’s got a tough row to hoe with that guy she married.
Think about it. With any luck, you’ll be out of that situation within a few months. Your mom isn’t so fortunate.