If I knew a woman who was thinking of hooking up with that guy, I would tell her to stay far away.
Any woman who marries that guy runs a very real risk that he’ll be just as embittered as he is now, but decide that his wife is obviously some sort of loser for marrying a guy like him, unlike all those great women out there who rejected him. That does not make for marital bliss.
There are plenty of overweight 40 old men out there without that attitude.
He’s had relationships before. Some of them several years in length IIRC. Right now he is indeed unkempt. He has a long beard and long hair. He has the beard to cover his double chin. I told him he would be much more attractive without it, but he lacks enough confidence to be cleanshaven because of his double chin. He has the least confidence of any guy I know, and I feel confidence is something women have a sixth sense for; that even if a guy looks great, a woman can pick up if it’s phony, if the guy is insecure and lacking in confidence.
Also, I’ll be honest - the guy lives in Japan. Now, I might sound ‘racist’ and elitist for saying this, but this is a guy who came from flyover America. He is a heavy guy in a culture full of thin fellows. He did not come from Paris or New York or some exotic city of the world. He doesn’t have a stellar job, according to him, his job places him in what would be lower middle class here in the US. He has lived for ten years there. He refuses to date white women, even ones who are fellow ex-patriates. He thinks white women are all “entitled”. He thinks American women are all fat. His standard is a very, rail thin Japanese women below 30, at least below 35.
My argument to him is that because he spent 29 years of his life in a small town in America, he’ll always be out of place in Japan. He will always be to some extent an outsider. He does not even speak the language. He is in his own words too lazy to learn it. From what he has told me, the culture is still very traditional and conservative. That narrows the pool greatly. He disagrees with me but I feel common interests and experiences are what make for the best relationships; what would he really, truly have in common with a woman who has lived there all her life? If the culture is as conservative as he says, wouldn’t a woman there chose a man of her “own people” before a fat guy from the sticks?
Good luck. Ultimately you will never convince him to change, the impetus has to come from himself. Better yet if it’s his idea.
It has been proven, conclusively, countless times by thousands of other sad losers that being a desperately lonely, self-hating misanthrope is NOT the way to a woman’s, or anyone’s, heart. Reliably accomplishes exactly the opposite, in fact. I know this from personal experience (that I eventually overcame).
It’s like quitting smoking. As long as you have access to cigarettes, until you decide to quit, on your own, you’re going to smoke.
Until he gets his shit together and becomes, frankly, worthy of being loved, I’m afraid your friend is just shit outta luck.
I hope you get a bulk discount on irony meters for when around him.
I think we have enough information now to conclude that your friend is a piece of shit.
If he’s depressed now, just wait till he gets married. :rolleyes:
FWIW, I got married for the first (and so far only) time at 47. I have a good friend who got married at 46.
Your friend sounds like a really piece of work - fat, lazy, slovenly, opinionated, and racist. Great set of attributes to attract a woman. Age is the least of his problems.
Well there you go. He’s a fat, old, lazy, slovenly, entitled, self-loathing misogynist asshole, who wants a young , thin, submissive asian girl.
Waaaah, American girls are stuck up and entitled! They won’t date a fat old misogynist! I want a submissive Asian chick who knows her place! Waaaah, the Asian chicks are into tradition–like not marrying fat old misogynist foreigners!
Pretty much. The guy tries my patience a lot with his self-pity. I used to be fat. I wasn’t obese but…I was 190lbs at 5’8’’ and I was not very attractive, and I managed to get with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever had, a woman who looked like a '50s pinup girl. What attracted her to me was my personality. She would’ve preferred me skinnier, but she dated me nonetheless.
But yeah, he always uses the word “entitled” when talking about white American women. He also thinks that like I said, having things in common isn’t necessary for a relationship. Maybe it’s a generational thing, I’m a 26 year old Millenial, but I do think having things in common (whether it be a similar background or at least similar tastes in things) is important. You don’t have to agree on everything but there has to be some common ground, otherwise there’s no real foundations for a relationship.
I do tire of his hatred for women and I’ve tried to get through to him that he’s basically his own worst enemy. He is stubborn as a mule though.
Come on. Is this for real? Surely, you know the way you described your friend, he’s an asshole. Advice? Don’t be an asshole.
A fat old misogynist foreigner who has lived in the country for 10 years and hasn’t even learned the language yet!
One day I was talking to him about how weight is perceived, and I asked him whether he feels perhaps weight was considered differently years ago than it is now.
“no. never. fat people always sucked. fat people still suck now. just cause a few fat women say otherwise on blogs makes no difference. nobody likes fat people.”
He is an asshole, and yes it is very much real, but I pity the guy. He’s an asshole with a lot of issues. I only talk to him because he was nice to me when I was in a rut, and because I have nothing better to do most of the time in all honesty. I’ve never met him in person; met him on another forum and we talk on Skype.
What you describe is a fat, poor, depressed, disheveled, possibly mentally ill, 40 year old, misogynist, Asian fetishist, American with a chip on his shoulder living in a foreign country with a somewhat homogenous, classist, elitist and xenophobic culture where he doesn’t speak the language.
What he needs to become is a husky, independent, mysterious, laid back, eccentric, mature, quietly confident, multicultural, exotic foreigner.
With an Australian accent.
And dress like a cowboy
I’ve seen plenty of lifestyle articles suggesting that marriage rates are falling in Japan because Japanese women are no longer nearly as willing to tolerate the reputedly ingrained attitude of troglodytic entitlement among a lot of Japanese men. I can’t imagine it’s any more attractive coming from an American.
Maybe if he grew tentacles…
Is it possible to get married when you are 40? Yes.
Is it possible to get married when you are 40 without addressing the issues that cause you to be unmarried even though you are 40? No.
Regards,
Shodan
Certainly it’s “possible”. It would be a bad idea though.
I’m not completely again the mob now bashing this guy, but two things: