You never know, but I doubt this. Some people are secure in their choices and are still demanding proselytizers. They just want to be validated by having everyone do as they do, as far as I can tell.
I’d say that this is a key indicator as to where the relationship’s future will go.
And this is a common fatal flaw in many relationships that have nothing to do with food preference: One partner has a great deal of moral outrage over something the other partner does not find morally outrageous.
I’ve seen relationships end over one partner’s not taking recycling seriously enough (as in not recycling the cardboard toilet paper core but just tossing it into the trash), or having the fatal flaw of enjoying movies which the other partner finds ethically reprehensible (The Muppets Take Manhattan).
Unless the individual with the uncompromising moral standards has a fundamental shift in how they see the world and relationships, these unions usually fail.
Mine is a soy substitute. Similar taste, but weird texture when it rings.
In absolutely no way whatsoever do I see anything in the OP to suggest he has a disdainful attitude toward vegetarianism. He simply stated it is not his way of life and he isn’t going to change his beliefs any more that I would have been able to suddenly find religious faith when it caused my ex pain knowing that I had not found Jesus.
IMHO, you are reading “disrespect” into the OP’s attitude where none exists. It’s possible not to share beliefs yet still respect them. I know well that most of my friends do not share my vegetarian lifestyle, but they respect my lifestyle and I reciprocally respect their choices because their choices are right for them. The OP cares for this girl and respects her choices, but he wishes she could respect his lifestyle too.
Because the forceful conquering of a densely populated human settlement and significant center of human culture by representational mockeries of human beings made of dyed felt, foam, and string is a reprehensible idea that should not even be represented light-heartedly in a work of fiction? Yeah, I get it. Puppet tyranny isn’t funny.
I agree with this 100%. I just threw that analogy in to try to show where she is coming from.
I must admit that I am pretty surprised that this is turning out to be an extremely civil conversation.
Personally, I see needing that sort of validation as a form of insecurity, but MMMV.
It is entirely dependent on the personalities involved, obviously.
I think the reasons for the vegetarianism make a difference, and it sounds like your girlfriend is one of those “don’t be mean to the poor animals” types, which is why she questions your integrity. If that’s her reasoning, it says a lot about how she processes things that should be red flags for you in a picture bigger than what’s for lunch.
Not to some people, that’s for sure!
I’m an omnivore, my SO is vegetarian, and we’re doing pretty well. It helps that he never gets holier-than-thou about it, never blinks when I decide I’m making myself some meat for dinner to go along with whatever vegetarian thing we’re having, and respects the fact that I don’t have to agree with him on this issue. In turn, I respect his reasons for his choices, I’m eating less meat (just because it’s easier to make only one meal than two), and don’t get pissy when he needs something different to eat than what I wanted.
Respect is the key, and it doesn’t sound like the OP is getting it.
For the purposes of understanding, substitute something else horrible for the “it” you use above for eating meat. Something horrible to you personally – child sexual abuse, murder, running a Nazi death camp, abortion provider…keep going until you find one that’s your hot button.
Now reread:
I’m not asking that she believe in <child sexual abuse>, or even understand it. Only accept that I do. I’m not using it as a justification to <do what I do> or implying that it is a superior view of life in general. Just that it is mine. I’m obviously simplifying my perspective, it goes much deeper than just that but it shouldn’t matter. How does the fact I believe differently than her imply a lack of empathy or respect?
IMHO a lack of empathy is implied, once you’re exposed to animal suffering and insist that you don’t care. I mean, what’s the dictionary definition of empathy?
He doesn’t share her empathy with animals, but he does empathize with her and understands her point of view: he obviously gets how important it is to her, he just doesn’t agree. If anything, she’s lacking some empathy here because she she insists he is less moral because he makes different choices.
Trouble is, you have to find something 1) horrible to you personally which 2) is not horrible to the majority of other people in the culture in which you find yourself, and 3) despite finding repulsive, you have been able to develop a relationship with its perpetrator long enough to swap bodily fluids and consider shacking up.
That’s a tall order. So I have my doubts that it actually is as horrible as all that to her. If it were, see, it seems to me unlikely that things would have got this far.
So for the purposes of all of us understanding, we might want to make a different comparison. I already offered one, here are some more:Wearing clothes made in sweatshops possibly. Using products made in China. Feeding your animals Iams cat food. Buying a Jaguar, a Toyota, or a Land Rover. That sort of thing.
Wait, what’s wrong with feeding your cats Iams?
My girlfriend is a veggie and I’m a meaty and we’ve always gotten along fine. She read this article (can’t find the cite right now) that said the key to making it work is that one is not judgemental about the eating habits of the other.
It sounds like she has to figure out how she can agree to disagree about this matter or if it’s a dealbreaker.
But to answer your main question: Sure, it can totally be done.
Iams’ is subject of a widespread boycott because it is tested on animals in conditions horrible enough to move even the US Department of Ag to file a complaint. I nevertheless know people who feed Iams to their pets – because they don’t know or because they don’t believe Iams is responsible or because they don’t think boycotts are effective – and I don’t think their morals or their empathy are lacking. I think they have not decided to boycott Iams for whatever reason.
This reminds me… every now and then to confuse people, I pull out a quote from a comedian, A. Whitney Brown (ex-Saturday Night Live cast member) - “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” 
(Which reminds me, I have in my fridge the summer’s first allotment of dead and dying vegetables from the CSA farm that I bought a share in. Mmm…)
Huh? Those are all crimes, which being a meat eater is not. Maybe try “voting Republican” or “driving a Ford rather than Chevy truck” or “being a Cowboys instead of a Packers fan” or even “being a Catholic instead of a Protestant” which perhaps comes closest in some ways. You can’t equate being a meat eater with “running a Nazi death camp”:rolleyes::rolleyes: Godwin creeps in on page two!
My sentiments exactly. To me, the issue is more on the level of something like “I voted for Bush… twice :eek:”. I don’t understand or agree with it, but I respect that everyone has their own personal reasons and perceptions and I am usually (admittedly, not always) able to accept that without condemning their personal character. My best friend is a hard-core republican christian bush-voter. I am the exact opposite. We get along great. We both respect that we have differing views and beliefs in those areas and can even discuss politics and religion without judgements or emotional associations. That’s what he believes, not who he is. Who he is is a funny, intelligent, compassionate human being and I love him like a brother (ok this is starting to tread into dangerous mancrush territory so I’m gonna end this right… about… now.) Likewise, who she is is not a vegan. That’s how she eats. She is a very soft-hearted, caring, intelligent, happy, and (generally) accepting human being (did I mention ultra-hot? I should mention ultra-hot…).
Originally, I figured she felt the same way. I can understand that my reasoning is a hard concept for a Vegan to accept, but I see no reason it should reflect poorly on my personal character. But it’s beginning to seem like she’s placing me in more of a kitten-clubbing, old-lady-assulting category than a Bush-voting one. She’s told me many times that my eating habits don’t cause her to lose any respect for me as a person. She said she doesn’t view me as ethically inferior or cruel (though her comments in the heat of battle would beg to differ) and she promises me that she’ll find a way to get past this. She seems to really want to make it work, but because she has such a strong emotional connection to this belief, I’m skeptical of the possibility. I can see she’s afraid of compromising her personal values. Her identity is so wrapped up in the Vegan thing that I think she’s afraid that accepting my eating habits might taint who she is as a person. Maybe it is a lack of security with who she is and what she believes, as someone suggested.
The most recent conversation on the subject revealed that when she sees an animal, she pictures me eating it :dubious:. Seems she’s permanently linked me with animal murder, and not just during meal times. For a vegan, that’s not exactly a turn-on. I can understand that she has a strong emotional connection to her beliefs that is not likely to change anytime soon. I’m hoping however, that by virtue of my sheer inherent awesomeness and sexual supremacy, she can look past that and accept me anyway ;).
Maybe I should lose the leather zipper-masks and baby seal-skinned condoms though… for multiple reasons :p.
Also, I should note that she is in Malaysia at the moment with a few of her even harder-core vegan, VERY judgmental friends. I have to wonder if a lot of this change in her attitude is a result of their influence. “How could you possibly call yourself a decent human being and DARE to date a :gasp: meat eater??”