Goodness! Next you’ll be telling me you believe the stuff you see on television!
I cannot begin to tell you of the number or guys who were very attractive who would rather go home alone and j/o rather than go with someone they felt were not up to their standards. Maybe it is an urban thing…but I saw it in Berlin, in NYC and in LA all the time.
I had one friend who was drop dead gorgeous and could walk into a bar and never pay for a drink from all the offers…but he always paid his own. I never once saw him meet a guy at a bar.
Another friend has never had a boyfriend because no one has ever met his impossible standards…and this is a guy who is no prize himself.
I also know far too many men who have totally unrealistic standards…they are into men 20-30 years younger than themselves, or they are out of shape but only want bodybuilders, or they want the huge schlong (which they do not have), or they insist the guy must have money and a house and a fancy car…
However, I do know of ONE guy who was Mr. Drummer who really only liked older men with potguts…go figure.
Yes, there are the sluts who will do and go with anyone, but in my experience, they are the lonely ones who score late at night in the dark.
Picky? Oh yeah…
While alchohol and drugs do create unlikely partners, for the most part, I still maintain that gay men (in larger urban areas) are dooming themselves into a secular life of loneliness…and only when the combination of age and reality hit, do they ever have a chance at meeting someone for a long term relationship.
By the way, I have been with my lover for 22 years - we still go out and we still have a lot of single friends and we still watch the scene in the bars and in other social occasions.
Nothing has changed, other than the clothing fashion and music. A few weeks ago we overheard a 20 something guy tell his friend, “He’s got a big dick, but he drives a Focus…”
And so it goes…
Oh, Hell no.
Let me repeat for those who missed it the first time.
Hell No sup[/sup]. I mean, criminy, we’re still on this very board fighting the popular perceptions that:
A) bisexuals can’t be monogamous
B) bisexuals don’t want to be monogamous
C) (less pervasive, but still brought up often enough) Bisexuals are just transitioning from straight to gay (this is said more often about men than women)
D) Bisexuals don’t care if they’re getting laid by a Dom man, a Dom woman, a Sub or whatever, as long as they’re getting laid. Hell, it’s equal opportunity, right?:sigh:
Granted, being bisexual, in some circles (very few that I’ve run into, but they do exist), is seen as cool because one has the natural tendency to be attracted to members of the same sex and opposite sex, but if anything else this means we’re more prone to heartache/break. And let’s not even get started on the issue of being dumped because someone thinks that being bisexual means you are unable to commit, or who won’t date you specifically because you’re bi.
Have I had more physical interaction (“bases”, if you must) because of my sexuality? Yes. HOWEVER. All but two of those people I’ve been with were bisexual (including my ex-girlfriend and a guy who, had circumstances not dictated otherwise, could easily have been my first boyfriend).
But please don’t assume that being bisexual means you have more options for getting laid. It means that you’re not restricted by gender, but by no means does that equate to sex.
Ooner, I was about to reply that the expectation is not that as a gay man you will/should be extremely sexually active, but thinking on it, you’re right. I have celibate by choice friends who are pretty much seen as freaks within this city’s queer community, the argument being one of why choose not to have sex when it is out there waiting for you? What must be wrong with you that you distance yourself from the rest of the scene, etc. I do object to your use of the term ‘slut’, though. For whatever reasons you have for judging someone on a basis of their sexual activity does not factor in their own judgement of themselves, or that of their immediate peer group. It’s seen as having an itch that they get scratched, nothing more, nothing less. I’ll admit that privately on hearing of the latest orgy for example, I’ve had thoughts along the lines of ‘Damn, some people will let just about anyone stick anything anywhere’, but I accept that’s more to do with my own prejudices and experiences. I would never dream of refering to anyone as a slut just because they choose to enjoy safe, consensual sex on a more regular basis than I do. Anonymous sex has never been a particular turn-on of mine, but I’m a big believer in ‘whatever floats your boat’ and am happy to take at face value that this scene works for them.
DMark, what I was speaking of has generally been an urban phenomenon in my experience, simply because more rural areas tend to have a distinct lack of specified cruising spots. I am also speaking of men in long-term relationships; I personally know only one monogamous gay couple and many of the most predominant cruisers I know go home nightly to their nice boyfriends, some couples I know will go cruising together. Most of my friends will sleep with someone not up to their ‘boyfriend’ standards then happily dissect the guy’s worse points over a few drinks with their buddies later on (“The sex was ok, but did you see his HAIR?!”); in my experience, the guy commenting on the Focus would be doing that afterwards. Anonymous or one-night sex simply does not seem to be as big a deal as it does with my straight friends; if you feel the need, you go for it, knowing that the other guy is doing precisely the same thing, and think nothing more on it other than it was fun (hopefully) and that the next guy is probably around the corner.
FTR I do not consider myself to be a slut, I only sleep with those I find attractive and am probably fairly picky myself, I am not even close to having had sex partners numbering in the 1000’s, and potguts are just fine by me (they’re fun to poke and blow raspberries on). My straight friends think I’m a big 'ho; my gay friends think I am a priss. This difference in opinion tickles me no end.
“With no man in the relationship constantly pushing for sex, one would assume that lesbians have sex infrequently. Is this true?”
Not as frequent as men, I have been told.
However, in my exposure, lesbians usually have a small, tight community, so they often all have the same partners at various times, after all, there aren’t that many partners to choose from. So you often get someones ex.
pokes head in
If you’re screwing someone who’s been in a relationship prior to screwing you, then you’ve got someone’s ex.
Um…and by not being restricted by gender have thereby doubled your pool of potential partners giving you more options for getting laid.
Or did I miss something?
Except that there’s a section of the population that won’t engage in such activities with someone who is bisexual; thus that section is out of consideration. And if that section is greater than 50% of the population (no idea how big it is, personally), then being bisexual would not increase the number of potential partners.
I think that anyone (gay, straight, bi or otherwise) can go out any night of the week and “get laid”.
It all comes down to standards. If all you want is a quick f***, you are guaranteed to get it, you may not be particularly excited about who you end up with, straight or not.
Anyone have a copy of Stephen Pinker’s How the Mind Works handy? The copy I read was from the library.
Anyway, in the book, he mentions a study of gay men and women’s sexual activity. Because I don’t have the book with me, I can’t give you the exact numbers, but the difference was huge. So not to say that no lesbians get it on a lot, but in general, yeah, gay men do have more sex than women, and with more partners.
Well that would have to be one chatty bi-sexual …
Non-bi-sexual: "I’m hot, you’re hot lets do it!
Bi-sexual: "I want you too, but before we proceed the bi-sexual code requires that I give you fair warning that I am bi-sexual so that you may rescind your offer if this fact offends you.
Non-bi-sexual: Ack! Damn right it does! You put your winky in there? Later!
Bi-sexual: Wait Cathy! Come back!
IME, gay has nothing to do with it.
The young and pretty flock to the young and pretty.
The old wish for the young and pretty and settle for something a bit more realistic.
The stuck up and arrogant go home alone every night.
This kind of behavior is common, I think, in a large, large percentage of the overall population, regardless of gender, sexual identity, whatever.
Personally, I just think it proves that we’re all more alike than different.
(OK, OK, so I got some last night, but it won’t last…)
“Homosexuality (male) = male libido squared”
Let’s see…according to some old book at my library, I read years ago when such stuff seemed even remotely interesting, on average, a straight man has 25 sexual partners in his lifetime & a gay man averaged 1000 (Thats the average, not the per person).
Thus, according to your equation, that would be 25x25=625.
I guess your estimate is a bit off 
I don’t believe that claim of an average of 1000 partners for a minute.
My marriage.
Lemme see if I can explain it to you this way:
I am not universally attracted to women. That is to say, if I were to see a representative cross-section of human adult females from around the world, I can pretty much guarantee you that I would not be physically attracted to all of them. The same can be said for men.
Let’s assume someone who is equally attracted to men and women, and assume a completely equal population split: 49.9% male and 49.9% female (allowing for some people whose genetic identity is, like, XXY or something like that. Rare but not nonexistent). That means this person is sexually attracted to almost the entire planet, which does give that person more options assuming the other people are willing.
That assumption, I think, is what gets a lot of people thinking that being bisexual gives you twice as much of a chance to get laid. Because firstly you have the people who aren’t attracted to men period. And then you have the people who are already married or otherwise taken (including people like married men and priests and nuns and suchlike). Then there are people who won’t knowingly enter into a relationship with someone who is bisexual (for the reasons I outlined above, for others, whatever). And you also have the people who, while this man is sexually attracted to, he wouldn’t have sex with.
You’re left with a really small percent of the population.
So, okay. Let’s see how empirically this can be put: given a heterosexual man and a bisexual man, and assuming no difference in who they are attracted to in the female world, the bisexual man is attracted to more people. By no means does that equate to getting laid more often.
Does that make sense, or did I just waste 15 minutes of my time and your time?
And finally, astro:
"Well that would have to be one chatty bi-sexual …
Non-bi-sexual: "I’m hot, you’re hot lets do it!
Bi-sexual: "I want you too, but before we proceed the bi-sexual code requires that I give you fair warning that I am bi-sexual so that you may rescind your offer if this fact offends you.
Non-bi-sexual: Ack! Damn right it does! You put your winky in there? Later!
Bi-sexual: Wait Cathy! Come back!"
While I cannot and will not speak for any bisexual person other than myself, I would not feel terribly comfortable having sex with someone who didn’t know that I was bisexual. Part of that is wanting the other person to trust me, and part of it is that fear that they won’t want to be with me anymore after they eventually do find out. And that would make me feel far worse later on than earlier. Every SO I’ve had has known I’m bi.
In the study mentioned in How the Mind Works, as referenced in my above post, a small percentage of gay men had had over 1000 partners. But none (or was it only one?) of the lesbians had had that many partners. I remember this distinctly.
I’ll go get the book at the library again tomorrow so I can be a little more reliable with my numbers.
Only if you count masturbating. My girlfriend and I make love about ten times a week unless one of us is sick or out of town on business.
Yes, you missed the obvious. Your typical straight man will not have sex with any woman he finds. He has criteria of some sort. One of them is that his potential partner must be female. Your typical bisexual also has criteria. It’s just that gender is not one of them, at least not directly (some bisexuals have gender-sensitive criteria).
Bisexuals can be extremely picky or wanton sluts, just like straights and gays.
Um…and by not being restricted by gender have thereby doubled your pool of potential partners giving you more options for getting laid. Or did I miss something?
What you missed is, I believe, a critical point–only a small percentage of folks (that being the ones who are homosexual and bisexual) would even CONSIDER doing it with a member of their own sex. It far from doubles a bisexual’s options, I would guess increases them by 10% at the max, possibly less than half that.