My opinion:
Anything that you feel you have to hide…is cheating. If there weren’t something wrong with it, then you would do it freely and out in the open. To me cybering is just one step leading to the actual meeting. Desire is desire, no matter what form it takes.
It’s cheating because it was a betrayal of trust since he promised he wouldn’t have cybersex again. He’s an imbecile because he ended up doing it with your friend. I’m sure that this wasn’t the only time he’s done it since he’s been with you despite any of his protests to the contrary.
Just a question, do you dislike him looking at pornography and asked him to stop doing that? I think that’s a bit overboard since porn is just porn, a solitary pursuit unlike cybersex.
My personal opinion seems to align with many others here: porn isn’t cheating. Cybersex is.
I see cybersex as investing in another person sexually. When I’m in a relationship that is supposed to be sexually exclusive, that ought to be off-limits.
Very grey line there Twisty, but yeah… little too far.
Since this is IMHO, I guess I can get away with saying that “Yes”, if I was uncomfortable with my SO using a vibe and told them so, and they went and did anyway, then to me, that’d be cheating.
Prolly sounds a little weird huh?
In response I personally do not like PORNO sites however that is up to ones self I am not would never contoll him on that he would do it anyway…but there is a but…the porno sites he goes to are the HARDCORE BEASTAlITY AND VIOLENT RAPE sites , And Rape stories that I do OBJECT TOO…what is your take on this? is this really just a NORMAL brousing on the porno sites?
Lady G
In Answer to this is: I do not like him looking at porno sites but neither can I stop him… in a perfect world , I SHOULD BE THE ONE HE LUST AFTER… and that should be enough for him…but no matter how many times or how many ways I woould try to satisfy him he would go to these sites along wiht his collection of magizines and videos he has… the problem here he hides it and denies it too me when he knows I know …he says DEAL WITH IT YOUR NOT GOING TO CHANGE ME, I AM GOING TO “ALWAYS HIDE IT FROM YOU” AND IF I GET CAUGHT I WILL DEAL WITH THAT WHEN IT HAPPENS.
Lady G
He sounds like a real prize. Do yourself a favor and ditch him and quick. You must be a saint to have put up with him for so long.
I have recieved several responses fro you all supporting my theory that what my boyfriend did was cheating…I have not hidden (as he did) this forum here from him he knows I posted here and has read all of the responses so far…he has threathened to post his side here, he believes it will change everyones view I agreed that he should do that…so we can clear the air and I can decide which path to take my life on…he has said that hes very sorry and wants to continue our relationship and AGAIN promises that it will never happen “AGAIN”
should I believe this ? he also states he does NOT feel guilty about it but feels very bad I found out! Said his intent was not ot hurt me thats why he hid it from me… becouse he loves me so much, STILL defending his side…
:mad: :wally
yeah and I was born yesterday at 10 am ! Am I wrong to doubt his sincerity? And if anyone out there who knows how I can heal my hurt with the way he trying cover all this up, please tell me becouse eveytime he says to me that I am weird becouse I don’t like porno or him cybering with someone not me …and alot of wierd things that turn him on such as BJ’s and swollowing,( which according to him ALL women do it and they love it !!) I might add he has never had a complant when we have made love…his only complant is that its not often enough…( but he wants me to start it all the time he “never” makes the 1st move) And I must say he does complain it is a PROJECT to get me off! takes to much time …effort…he has suggested that I DO myself for him and then do him the way he wants…he says it SELFISH of me to expect him to satisfy me everytime…I have said why should I have to make love with him if I get nothing out of it…Am I being selfish to ask this of him? after all in the last year it has been all for him and maybe if I am lucky 3 to 4 times for me…mean while…
sense I am gone now working to bring a better life back monitarly for us both I must face this dilima of weither or not fighting for this relatioship is worth all the trouble…and yes I do love him and he does have good quailites…but…
Lady G
ps sorry to drag this out like this…but I need some hard put doubts of mine to be resolved here…
LADYG, you can do better. I know NOTHING about you, except for your patience and what sounds like youth and inexperience in your voice, but I do know that you can do better. May I suggest one of the fellows here? No one in particular–that’s your choice to make–but get to know them and see if any strike your fancy. Here you have the advantage of many Grumpy Moms and Dads (like me) with your best interests at heart ready to kick the guy’s sorry ass if he gets out of line. Peer group pressure is a powerful tool and we aren’t afraid to use it. 
I hate doing “me too” posts, but I have to chime in and say this guy sounds like trouble and you won’t be losing much if you leave him in the dust. If my daughter was involved with someone like him, I’d be heartbroken. And if I’d ever dated someone who acted like that, he’d be history. Life’s too short to put up with that nonsense.
Run for your life LADYG. This man is a complete and total asshole! Any man who tells me that:
would NEVER touch me again. That is so completely selfish. Most people that are in love try to satisfy their partner sexually before they satisfy themselves. If he doesn’t think you’re orgasm is just as important as his then he’s a selfish asshole and deserves to spend his life cybering on the net because that’s the only way he’ll ever satisfy a woman.
He says he’ll never cyber sex again… bullshit. He’ll continue to do it until you catch him again and then he’ll beg your forgiveness again and promise not to do it and it will just become a vicious cycle. Dump him and find someone who really loves and cares about you. This man is a complete waste of time.
Thank you for your reply…I am not young have been married and widowed but I was very young at the time so I have taken over 9 years to try to find the right fellow…looks like I missed judged wow alot…I believe in true love “one on one” and in honesty loyality and have a best friend…whom you can trust and depend on completely…ok so I know that I live in a dream world (so MO says)…but why should I settle for less and be unhappy…
lady g…
[Homer Simpson]
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to believe it.
[/Homer Simpson]
No dream world at all. It can be attained surprisingly easily. Stick around here for a while and you’ll have suitors worthy of you falling all over you.
I agree that it’s cheating. But to me, worse than cyber, is damn lying about it. I hate a liar.
I also, in a way, view porn as cheating. But I request that my mate not view it (unless it has me in it) and if he agrees, I expect him to stick by that agreement. The big part of that is that he NOT LIE TO ME. I wouldn’t end a relationship due to porn being viewed, but the fact that he lied to me would mean that he would lose a lot of trust… and that takes a LONG time to regain with me.
Your scumbag is a lying piece of dirt. Kick him to the curb. DZ is right, many much nicer guys around here 
LADYG, stop doubting yourself. It sounds like you know you can do better (SO much better), but feel guilty about putting your needs ahead of his.
Screw that. He’s a lying, manipulative asshole. Every day you spend with him is a day you’ve stolen from both yourself and the loving, considerate man you could be with instead of this wanker.
It breaks my heart to see nice women with asshole men. It happens all the time, and I can’t for the life of me understand it. Any feelings you have for him can’t be worth his lies and selfishness.
I could not maintain a relationship with someone who told me it’s okay for them to lie to me as long as I don’t find out.
If someone feels that lying to you is acceptable as long as they get away with it, what else might they do? What else is “okay as long as you don’t find out?”
I agree with the rest of the board. This guy is a real asshole, and there are lots of better people out there. He sounds completely self-centered, interested only in his own happiness, and hypocritical to boot. Ditch the jerk. You deserve better.
As for the question of cybering:
I would consider cybersex cheating. I’d be badly hurt if my SO did it with someone else, and I don’t do it at all.
Dump him. Better to be alone than to be with a lying asshole, whether he’s technically “cheating” or not. The point is you can’t trust him.
So when is “Prince Charming” going to mount his defense?
he keeps saying hes going to today we shall see…;j