looks like hes sweating it out here…as he said he has to plan out what hes going to say…according to him he can sway you all into believeing what he did was ok…gee I love that word …“OK”
oh and by the way… I think you guys are allright… Thank You very much for the support makes me feel as if I am “NOT CRAZY”… ( as he says) and indeed I am normal… looks like I have found some new found friends here …who think as I do …AGAIN THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND SUPPORT…eases the pain…
Lady G:)
Lady G, please forgive me if you feel I’m overreacting, but you may want to look up the term “gaslighting” on the internet. Telling you that you are crazy is a classic form of emotional abuse, called gaslighting. Your last post concerns me, because it sounds like you borderline believe him that you are crazy. Trust me, you are not. Please don’t let him brainwash you, okay?
As usual, Magickly is right. That is abusive. You are not crazy. He’s a dick and a ballsy one at that. It takes a special form of asshole to tell someone that it isn’t cheating if you don’t find out, then tell you that you are crazy if that doesn’t sound right to you.
Have you lurked here long? Has he? Does he realize just what the phrase “emotional abuse” means? 'Cuz he’s going to find out when he shows up. The folks here don’t fuck around.
I don’t think he’s man enough to try it, anyway.
I have seen this board becouse he LURKS here all the time, I had rarely came here but I knew he would read what I wrote and REALLY to have some support…we just got off a 2 hour arguement becouse he feels it was onesided of me to post here…and he said that he was going to post his side of the story…but do you see it ?? no!:rolleyes:
And he still defends himself and has told me that it would be diffrent if he had posted first his side …noone would be listening to me at all…well perhaps he will be here soon who knows…he has been writing his side of the story all day guess he thinks he can minipulate( did I spell that right ? sorry if I did not) everyone to his side lets find out…
Boy am I mad ARGH!
There was only one post here that he “thought” defended his side and he goes on and on about it…but as KIKI said it had nothing to do with what he did…posted by “even sven”
Which read:As a woman, it irks me to no end to see other women place random demands on guys and then get all upset about a “betrayal of trust” when the guy doesn’t follow through. Either you love a guy and the things he does, or you don’t. You don’t say “I love you, but if you really loved me you’d never do XYZ again”. That is called controlling behavoir, and it isn’t healthy and it isn’t cool.
If you’ve got a problem, talk about it. Work it out. Seek understanding and compromise. But for god’s sake don’t resort to emotional bribery to try and get someone to stop doing something that makes you a little uncomfortable. That isn’t making things better for anybody. You’ve both got issues that need to be worked out, and using your love as a bargaining chip wasn’t the best plan.xxxxxxxxxx
there was never a demand ever I told him that if he needed these cyberwith other women to go and find him someone who agreed with it I DID NOT and it was cheating to me …I do not controll anyone he had a choice he made it before we ever became a couple…
Does he realize just what the phrase “emotional abuse” means?
He says he DOES not use emotional abuse but he is controlling and abusive in the way he tries to maniplate me all the time …and to add insult to injury …he has bragged to this friend (the one he cybered with) that he does and can manipalate me into thinking and doing what he wants…
sorry venting again forgive me
Lady G
Ditto.
Life is way too short for bullshit. 
I agree with everyone else, but mostly because of his deception more then the act of cybering.
I guess the question for him would be does he mind of YOU do it? If he really doesn’t think anything is wrong with it, perhaps you should take up a new hobby. See how he likes it. 
Of course that’s a stupid game to play. But it would be interesting to hear his reaction on it. 
Interesting you should bring that up…tonight durning the FIGHT over the phone (LONG DISTANCE 2 HOURS :() I told him what if I were to do that? His response? He said he would not like it …but would except it…and of course HE would not act or make such a big mountian out of a moll hill…( as I have).it would be no big deal…to him.
And yes out of my anger I told him maybe I would go out there and do it too…he said “good do that then maybe you’ll stop complaining and drop the the matter!”
For all you guys info I would not lower myself to his level of @#@#$%^&()^^&&& ways!!!:eek: :eek: :o
Lady G
the more you describe him, the more of a scumbag he sounds like.
the question is, why are you still with this guy?
Do you really think it’s going to get better?
Why even be with a guy knowing full well he doesnt consider it cheating unless you know about it?
What clue from above are you waiting to get that this guy is a waste of time?
A two hour phone call about this?
It could easliy be reduced to less than a minute. hang up.
and I, too, anxiously await his side of the story.
Seriously doubt its going to happen.
the more you describe him, the more of a scumbag he sounds like.
the question is, why are you still with this guy?
Do you really think it’s going to get better?
Why even be with a guy knowing full well he doesnt consider it cheating unless you know about it?
What clue from above are you waiting to get that this guy is a waste of time?
A two hour phone call about this?
It could easliy be reduced to less than a minute. hang up.
and I, too, anxiously await his side of the story.
Seriously doubt its going to happen.
You’ve been going out with him for three years?
Knowen him that long…but only been with him one year…
Lady G
One year too long.
First of all, let me add my voice to the chorus: cybersex is cheating. ANYTHING that you do in violation of an agreement not to do it is cheating.
Now, as I understand it, his current line, having been caught multiple times, is something like, “Look - I am who I am, and this includes the cybersex. I’m going to do it, I’m going to promise you that I won’t, and then I’ll continue. Deal with it.”
In my view, that’s fair – that is, it’s no longer cheating. He’s as much as said that he’s going to do it, regardless of what else he promises. That takes it out of the realm of cheating and into the realm of behavior that you have to decide how you’ll react to.
If I were in your shoes, I’d end the relationship immediately.
“But… but I love him! I can’t help it!”
Really? What does “love” mean to you? And, more importantly, what does it mean to him?
You may love him. But I guarantee you that he does not love you. And I romise you this: if, deep in your heart, you believe that by standing by him even though he treats you badly, eventually, you’ll win his heart and he’ll come to love you… well, stop. Stop believing that. It isn’t true. It’s NEVER true.
Albert Brooks’ character in Broadcast News says desparingly to his crush, “Wouldn’t this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?”
It doesn’t, though. And if you cling to him, hoping that your loyalty and fidelity will ultimately win himn over… trust me when I say that all he sees is insecurity and desparation. And it doesn’t make you more attractive to him.
Get out. Get out NOW. Pretend he’s a house in Amityville. Get out.
- Rick
I’m still curious in regards to “Prince Charming”'s defense because I’m sure there must be something he’s reasoned out how this is perfectly acceptable.
He must be a real man since he likes rape porn and bestiality therefore he must have the testicular fortitude to step forward and state his case rather than lurking in the shadows.
This entire thread has been entirely lopsided and there should be one person, even if it is him, speaking out in his defense no matter how weak or laughable it is.
I think he’s scared to tell his side because he hasn’t received any support from any of us so far. (Nor will he receive any support IMO) He knows that he can’t “justify” his behavior to us because we’ll see through the bullshit that LADYG has been blind to.
(side note: it’s great to be back!)
I’ll try not to be redundant here, but if I am, please forgive me.
Ask yourself in your heart of hearts, LadyG - if a friend of yours came to you and told you what you’ve told us, what would you say to her?
I know how hard it can be to break up with someone and how scary it is to look for love. But you have to ask yourself if you are getting anything positive from this. Love is about meeting each other’s emotional needs, and it doesn’t sound as though he is concerned about your needs at all.
And I’ll echo what others say about trust - if you cannot trust him in this arena, you can’t really trust him in general. This is a pretty dangerous situation to be in.
Bricker is right. What you’re showing this guy is that although you hate what he did - surprise, you’re still with him, and you’re trying to work it out. This means he gets to keep doing whatever he can get away with as long as you don’t find out about it.
Leave him.
Get out of this relationship NOW.
Don’t allow him one more excuse, lie, justification, manipulation, or rationalization.
Stop wasting your time and energy on this creep! Don’t let him steal one more precious minute of your life.
Don’t answer his phone calls. Don’t respond to his emails. Put him on ignore. Permanently. Don’t even give him the courtesy of a “goodbye.” He doesn’t deserve it…and believe me, he’ll live. And you’ll be surprised at how fast you’ll stopping missing him, and wanting to pick up the phone or open the email.
He is mentally abusing you, plain and simple. Part of that process is making you question your own judgement…even your own sanity. Don’t let him do that. Be strong. YOU ARE RIGHT. HE IS WRONG.
And hey–so what if he is right, and you are wrong? <disclaimer>I absolutely do not believe this.</disclaimer> What do you have to lose by dumping his ass? Absolutely nothing! Nothing but a lot of heartache, uncertainty, and self-loathing.
Please, go to google and search under “mental abuse” or “domestic abuse.” Find a hotline. Call them. Please.
I’m not an expert, but I’ve been there before and speak from experience. And I’m living evidence that something better is out there for you! I’m now with a WONDERFUL guy…there are lots of them out there. But you’ve got to make yourself available and worthy of them first, and the first step to doing that is to love yourself enough to get rid of the creep, pronto!
Sorry this is so long, but it’s an issue close to my heart.
Get out of this relationship NOW.
Don’t allow him one more excuse, lie, justification, manipulation, or rationalization.
Stop wasting your time and energy on this creep! Don’t let him steal one more precious minute of your life.
Don’t answer his phone calls. Don’t respond to his emails. Put him on ignore. Permanently. Don’t even give him the courtesy of a “goodbye.” He doesn’t deserve it…and believe me, he’ll live. And you’ll be surprised at how fast you’ll stopping missing him, and wanting to pick up the phone or open the email.
He is mentally abusing you, plain and simple. Part of that process is making you question your own judgement…even your own sanity. Don’t let him do that. Be strong. YOU ARE RIGHT. HE IS WRONG.
And hey–so what if he is right, and you are wrong? <disclaimer>I absolutely do not believe this.</disclaimer> What do you have to lose by dumping his ass? Absolutely nothing! Nothing but a lot of heartache, uncertainty, and self-loathing.
Please, go to google and search under “mental abuse” or “domestic abuse.” Find a hotline. Call them. Please.
I’m not an expert, but I’ve been there before and speak from experience. And I’m living evidence that something better is out there for you! I’m now with a WONDERFUL guy…there are lots of them out there. But you’ve got to make yourself available and worthy of them first, and the first step to doing that is to love yourself enough to get rid of the creep, pronto!
Sorry this is so long, but it’s an issue close to my heart.
First let me tell you all that I am not with him right now…I had left for a business trip …the day I left all this started,as they say out of sight out of mind…I guess if I did not have to take this business trip (so he says) he would not have gone as far as he did…to me thats a lame excuse…( which is one of the reasons why I have not returned YET) Although I have to still have to make my mind up weither or not to return…I know that some of you have said I am weak to put up with this…or insecure…that is far from the truth…I believe that when you have troubles in an relationship you try your best to resolve them…noones perfect…however…in this case rethinking the time and effort I have put into this relationship…and the due course that has been takin by him…and by all the replys…jeeze guys the writings on the wall…And yes I would like to give him a chance to redeem himself…but he does not seem to be to trying hard to convience me…:wally
In all fairness hes IS NOT all bad !!!He has never hit me…or emabarresed me in public …he is a good provider…he, as everyone has good quailites.( he has been very generous to me in several ways)…again …HOWEVER…is what he did and continues to think and do … worth my giving him another chance??..and how many of us run when theres problems in a relationship? We don’t …we stick around ( beating a dead horse) hoping it againest hope ( he/she) will change …rarely anyone does…you either love wholly or not enough…So its really up to you weither you will except being loved half way…personally its not enough for me…I would rather be alone than to accept a defective love…but, mind you that I will allways fight to save a relationship if I see it worthy enough to save…is this the case here?..my heart says yes he could and wants to change… my mind says RUN as fast as you can go to the farest regions of the earth and dissapear forever…start a new uncomplicated life and be happy…I DO NOT NEED A MAN TO COMPLETE ME… I need a man to compliment me and share a friendship and mutual respect of love… and of life , the years are too short to waste it on sharing It with someone who is not willing .to give in as much as you do…I hope this can let you all see that, what I am, is NOt a deperate, insecure, lonely woman,but rather a woman is trying her best to pick the right road for me to travel down
Lady G