Is cybering cheating?

In My Humble Opinion
81

HERES A GOOD ONE…
Another arguement

Today he added his little cyber girlfriend to his messenger list he said he NEEDED to say goodbye to her ONLY…
I TOLD HIM TODAY I WANTED TO GO AND PICK UP MY BELONGINGS…THE CONVERSATION NOW TOOK A DIFFRENT DIRECTION,
However he is now saying that it is just possible that I was the one who came on line with him and cybered( pretending I was his little friend) I was supposed to have drove home AT 3 am and messaged him.( how ever I do not have a PC at home ( he says there maybe be one there )I did have a laptop which burnt uo over a month ago).he says I can be one one PC and have 2 different msn messengers open in 2 diffrent names at the same time and that this could be set up by me to trap him…although he says that even if this were not true it was not an excuse,for his bad behavior…
by the way I did catch him 3 years ago on line flirting …and that time I had been the one checking him out…but he said he knew it was me and he just went along with it…However this time he did not suspect it was me…(until now)…hes turning it around so that he looks innocent…he truly thinks he is …his little cyber girlfriend who was talking to him at the same time as he was LIEING and talking to me on line…( must be super woman here )…he had talked to her when I was at home with him (before) she has had SEVERAL messenger names allways changing them…however we have one line only theres no way to be on 2 pcs at the same time…now the drive from the office here in the early evening is a 40 mineut drive…I have spoken to him durning the drive home on my cell …however…the night he was on the phone with me and hung up …running to his little sweetie…was about 10 minuets tops…oh but once again I am Superwoman flying through the air here…to trick him into doing all this… just so I can ?? accomplish what?? He said he is still going to post here…my head hurts… boy what a twist to his story here. ok Sir your turn…post it!!

Lady G

82

LADYG, your almost-ex is a very sick man.

This is a man who has taken every questionable (if not downright frightening, disgusting, and morally reprehensible) action on his behalf and tried to lay the blame on you.

He has told you that you should not believe your own senses. He has told you that what you think matters does not. He has told you that you are not competent or sane enough to make decisions for yourself. He has told you that your emotions don’t count, and that your reactions have no basis in reality. He has told you that it’s your fault he has behaved in such a manner.

All of these are red flags for an abusive, manipulative personality.

Now he’s telling you that you did things which you know without a doubt you did not. Clearly, he knows that he is starting to lose control of you, and he is starting to come up with more and more frightening gambits to keep you around.

Do not - for God’s sake - do not put yourself in this man’s power. You will not come out of it again.

If you have to be around him to get your stuff and your pets, take no less than two large, hulking, pissed off male friends with you. Rent a cop if you must. Hire several foaming-at-the-mouth, haven’t-shaved-their-legs-in-six-years, men hating, bull dyke lesbian femlibbers to glare at his crotch while they sharpen knives.

Get your stuff (with a hostile, ready to smack bodyguard at hand), get out, and cut off all contact with this . . . creature. If he continues to contact you, file a restraining order. Have absolutely no more contact with him. Ever. I guarantee that in six months you will be asking yourself how you ever conceived of putting up with his crap.

Perhaps I sound a little reactionary about this, but I have heard and seen too many recalcitrant pusbags like him hurting people because they have the chance. At the very worst, you’ll have an amusing story to tell of it. At the best . . . well, it could prevent him from becoming violent. (You think he won’t? Go and have a look at those porn sites he so favors and think again. Men who enjoy looking at violent rape don’t like it because they think the women involved get warm fuzzies during the activities.)

For LADYG’s lurker almost-ex: If you are a lurker here, you know what the BBQ Pit is for. Go there. Read every virulent, profane, animosity laced, expletive crammed, anger filled thread ever written by a poster who has experience a hundredth of what you’re trying to pull on LADYG. Take the lot of them, fold them until they are all sharp corners, and stuff them up that oozing orifice you seem to be using for a moral compass.

83

LadyG, in your OP you said this all started over Christmas…I can only begin to imagine how stressful the last three months have been for you.

Well, actually, that’s not true. My ex cheated for years, and if we’d been online then, I’m sure he would have used that venue, too. So I know how you feel. Fortunately, it doesn’t sound like you two live together, or have children together, so while the pain you’re enduring is horrible, at least it is limited.

The mindset of “I don’t feel bad that I did it, I feel bad that I got caught” is an indication of a truly conscience-less soul. The sexual problems this man has (never wants to initiate, then demands things that make you uncomfortable, then accuses you of being difficult to satisfy, needs to use extreme pornography) all fit a pattern that you really don’t want to continue for the rest of your life…or even for the rest of April.

After my ex left (and I never truly believed any of the crap he tried to pass off as my problem) it only took one evening with a man who was more concerned with my pleasure than his own to confirm that I was a fully-responsive human being, and then a terrible vicious cycle began…I only wanted to give him pleasure, and he just wanted to give me the same, and hot damn, sex was fun again!

So I hope, if you decide that life is really too short to spend it with a jerk(-off), that you can find someone who cares about your feelings and has that all-important conscience. And go get your stuff while he’s at work.

84

Oh, and by any chance is the computer he’s using yours, so you can take it with you?

85

It’s nice that a person knee deep in emotional turmoil can get the level of support that’s been exhibited by the replies to LADYG. I’ve read most of the goings on, and the alleged boyfriend’s letter, but I can’t help but thinking to myself, hmmm, “only one side of the story is being told here”. What would be the reaction of any doper here if your significant other installed spy software on a PC you were using? To me this is behavior that’s a bit over the top.

I interpret this as a relationship where one party can say anything to the other, but not vice versa. The implication here is that the man here attempts to temper what he says so that he doesn’t hurt LADYG’s feelings, but feels that she doesn’t do the same.

86

But apparantly he doesn’t mind lying to her and ‘cheating’ on her, which does hurt her feelings.

87

Those are the exsact words to the tee my boyfriend uses…he said he would post here under a diffrent name …could it be you??? why else would you defend this man …and if indeed you are not himas to your question.

.What would be the reaction of any doper here if your significant other installed spy software on a PC you were using?

he could I have never hide anything from him and it would not bother me at all…the problem here is that he has cheated on me 3 times allready on the PC …he was talking to other women at the same time and lieing to me about it …and I found this out on much later 1 1/2 years after… he also when we were first together into the relationship… still talking and for all I know seeing his ex girlfriend… whom he had cybered with ALOT on the PC…and weither you believe that spying on him is a mortal sin then fine becouse I now know that he is a cheater and what he really is about and his REAL feelings about me…which I would have never knowin had I not done that…so , what really gets my gander up is this… should I wait untill he kills me acting out his fantasy???.. even if he does not how can I ever really trust him?? What on earth is so sexy about rape and beastality any way ??

If he were so inacent than why won’t he post here under his own name…I want everone to see and let him defend his actions… and if everone thinks I am wrong then I will go back to Him …

Lady G

88

EasyPhil…can you reply again ??
you must be his twin@@

89

If my significant other put spyware on my computer to see what I was up to I would be seriously pissed, regardless of what actions transpired and were logged. I wouldn’t be able to trust her for quite some time.

It’s pretty weak to say that LADYG had suspicions and if she asked Prince Charming he would’ve denied it and acted hurt even though he was lying through his teeth so she had to take matters into her own hands and betray that nugget of trust. In this case both parties are in the wrong but her Prince Charming is more in the wrong than anyone else.

Too bad he’s too much of a big fat pussy to defend himself.

90

He knew I put that Program on his PC I told him before I left…Icon was on the bar at the bottom … it was that program that you can access your pc while away I needed it to be able to access my files.for my work… I did not hide this from him…but little did I know what else I would find there…I trusted him…enough…he had sense enough …he knew it was there !!!why would he go ahead and do what he did?..I DID NOT HIDE THIS FROM HIM…nor did I install it to spy on him…it was a last minuet thing I decided to do becouse my lap top was acting up and I knew if it went out (which it did burn up 3 days after I left)I had a backup copy of my important files on hic PC I really did not check all the little pluses it had…but it recorded any activity that was put on the PC…EG PORN SITES and their DOWNLOADS…which I might add was on his desk top not even 2 hours after I had gone on the trip…
So really am I really that bad??
Lady G

91

LadyG - your soon to be ex is not an employee you have to justify firing.

You don’t have to justify anything. You don’t have to make excuses, or show evidence or anything. You want to end the relationship for certain reasons. End of story.

92

Heh, he’s just stupid then.

93

I assure you LADYG, I am not his twin, I would definitely not engage in the kind of antics you folks are engaged in. Besides, I like my porno live as opposed to pixelated. :wink:

94

Right, but there’s two sides to every story and you’ve only heard one side.

95

he knows about this thread I told him …so where is he now?? if he is so right !!! I have been truthfull all along…I hide NOTHING!!

96

DOES HE HURT?

97

I understand your point, but in this case, I think it’s pretty moot. She is obviously suffering in this relationship. He may or may not be, as he stated he was going to post here and has not (according to LADYG, and we have no reason not to believe her). You stated that it seems he’s trying to SPARE HER FEELINGS, which is total BS unless you’re calling her a liar. [hyperbole]The only thing left that he could do to hurt her feelings is fuck her mother. [/hyperbole]

Sorry if I sound hostile (I am having a REALLY bad morning, someone come chop my head off to make it stop hurting please?) but until her worthy-or-not-so-worthy man steps in here to input his own side of the story (which he said he was going to do and has not) there is really no point in arguing that we’re only hearing one side. There’s nothing to stop him from putting in his own red cent on the issue.