Divorce is a downer to think about and a tough blow for the kids to deal with, but I can’t say it’s really a bad thing. All the divorced families I know are better off having done it.
My grandparents were married for nearly 50 years, most of those unhappy and loveless. Although it left my grandmother bitter, I can honestly say divorce was the best thing they ever did for each other. Grandpa’s moved on and I’m sure Grandma doesn’t miss that 150lb weight on her shoulders.
I think we’re agreeing with each other… I think I was just thrown off by the OP’s use of the word “ever”. It seemed out of context to imply that something like divorce is usually a barrel of laughs, but has anyone here EVER had a hard time with it? That’s like asking if full-body cavity searches are ever bad.
Full disclosure: I’m a child of divorced parents and am divorced myself.
I agree I did use poor word choice. And I never would think that the process is easy or exciting. I did say After the initial healing period.However I did get the answers I was looking for.
I suppose to be clearer I am contemplating divorce and have been for some time. It is quite a scary proposition for me. Then one day it occurred to me that I have never heard anyone say, “My divorce was the worst mistake I ever made.” I usually hear how liberating and great it was. With all the fear and pressures and stigma against divorce it seems to be a good choice always. Even with children. I see the flag raised about children in a divorce all the time but it still seems to be the best choice.
Ever is still a poor word choice. I fully agree. It was what was going on in my mind and the actual question. So far it seems really rare for someone to look back at a divorce and think how terrible od a choice that was. Including the children.
How often do people look back at staying married and say how awful a choice that was? I think we tend to make the best out of the choices we make and assume we ended up in the best of all possible worlds. Doesn’t mean it’s true.
fifty-six, that certainly puts things into context, so thanks for sharing. I know it’s a hard thing to have to decide… for some people it’s the hardest thing they’ll ever have to decide. And don’t get me wrong, it is liberating in some ways. I know it sounds corny, but you really do learn a lot about yourself and what you’re looking for, and you’re that much more prepared when the next relationship comes around.
Whatever happens, good luck!
The usual advice is to make up a list of pros and cons. And Ann Landers always used to say, “are you better off WITH him/her or WITHOUT him/her?”… If children are involved, though, and the only real problem is boredom, I say suck it up until the kids are grown. I know it happens all. the. time., but I can’t imagine going through the upheaval of a divorce just because there might be someone ‘better’ just waiting out there for me.
Was your father’s father Napoleon or Hitler?
LOL Nope. Just that they divorced.
Then married again.
Decided to have a child to keep the marriage together.
Then were divorced again before my father was born. :smack:
They managed to forget trying to invade Russia.
When I was going through a divorce I read about how a large proportion of men in particular regretted in later. I am going from memory but it was something like 70% This is totally at odds with what I have observed both amongst my friends and personally. As one of them says, “Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.”
Divorce is always bad, but a bad marriage (and I mean BAD) is worse.
It’s funny.
I’m NOW more of the man my ex wife wanted me to be and she’s now more of the woman I wanted her to be.
Still though, I have absolutely no desire to be with her again.
But yeah, if I hadn’t divorced my wife I would’ve never met the girl I’m with now (I guess I should say dating now. you get the jist) There’s been one other SO in my life since my divorce. I broke it off with her because it turns out she loved the cocaine more than she loved me. But man, before drugs entered the picture, we had such good times. Really, I don’t think I laughed more in my life than when I was with that girl. I value the memories I have of that girl and wouldn’t trade them for the world.
Memories I wouldn’t have had I not got divorced.