After the initial healing period has anyone ever really been upset that they got a divorce. It seems to always be a good idea.
Unless you are strictly speaking about the divorced husband and wife, I would think there are tons of children who think divorce is bad . . .
Um… what? Isn’t divorce inherently bad? I mean, sure, there are people who are better off without each other, but the whole idea of a once-solid relationship gone sour isn’t generally “good”.
And there’s the people who remarry each other.
When people look back at things, there is a tendency to make it seem less bad then it was.
That’s why people say “Twenty years from now we’ll laugh about this.”
It can be good for the kids, when done right. Nothing is an absolute, and there are so many variables in all the lives involved it can be overwhelming to figure out what is best.
For the kids, a peaceful stable home with very involved parents is important, and that can actually come** as a result of a divorce**.
There are many many sad and frightened children out there, very confused and upset about mommy and daddy and what has happened to them. They are scared, and wish for something better…for mommy and daddy to get along. And these kids have parents who are married and in the same house.
Think about that.
It was definitely better for my kids and myself. Their dad would go on violent rages when he was drunk (which was quite often). Better to haveno dad than a dad like that.
Which has got to be one of the champion stupid things in the whole world. Right up there with invading Russia.
ETA: The only thing stupider that I can think of is: “Let’s have a child so we’ll have a reason to stay together!”
My father’s parents did both of these very stupid things.
They were divorced again before my father was born. :eek:
Although I can’t speak from experience, I can imagine that if you had a lot of money before getting divorced, and now you have half as much money, that would be bad.
I think there are a lot of people that almost get divorced and then years later are very happy that they didn’t. However, it’s impossible to say that they wouldn’t be equally happy if they had gotten divorced.
It’s bad if children are involved and the reason it’s happening is not due to abuse (physical, emotional, etc.) or non-support.
If the adults have just gotten bored with one another, they need to find some way of accommodating their interests without disrupting the children’s family lives. Or to learn to live with being bored.
People get divorced and go for the do-over wedding all the time. Divorce can be bad for the couple and the kids, but it is usually for the best. Even when children are involved.
Maybe, maybe not. I wouldn’t want my (hypothetical) children to think that my (hypothetical, again*) loveless, boring marriage is what they should expect and settle for.
*We’re very happy and still crazy in love after 15 years.
Not necessarily. My husband has always said that the money he spent getting rid of his ex-wife was the best [insert six-figure sum here] he ever spent.
Kids don’t care if your marriage is boring. If you make the decision to have kids you shouldn’t flake out just because your marriage isn’t as fun anymore. That goes for men and women.
You should meet my Dad. My Mom left him after thirteen years of marriage in the early '70’s. Three years later he married my Step-Mom and they’re still married over 30 years later. He’s still pissed off and bitter about it.
I second this - I was one of those kids. Good on you for getting rid of him.
Even though, 15 years later, my and dad and I have a good relationship, my parents getting divorced was the best thing that ever happened in my childhood.
I believe in earning your way out of a marriage. When a couple, especially one with children, divorces without having tried marriage counseling or parenting classes it indicates to me that they have little regard for their children and little respect for family. That having been said, if the couple have gone through counseling and have found through the process that they are never going to be happy or compatible together, it’s sad, but better.
Children will live what you show them, not what you tell them. Showing them never to expect happiness is Not Good. Showing them that it’s best to abandon commitments once they become difficult without trying to take control of the situation to make it more acceptable is also Not Good. The lesson we want our children to learn is that we are in charge of our own happiness, and both examples preclude that.
To answer the OP’s question, divorce is never good, but there is such a thing as a good divorce.
My first husband told me a few years after that leaving me was a huge mistake and he never should have done it. So yeah, it can be a bad thing in that sense. I think this is what you are going for?
No, we never got back together. Some things I just don’t forgive.
Your logic doesn’t follow. Yes, I would say “the whole idea of a once-solid relationship gone sour isn’t generally ‘good’” is true. But these things happen.
IMHO, the bad arises from not being able to do escape the failed relationship by divorcing.
Knead
Happily Divorced