From the perspective of age, my feeling is that you’re doing yourself an incredible disservice here. First of all, as you pointed out, you are eliminating a huge number of women, many of them possessing many wonderful qualities in comparison to which, virginity is a particularly useless and fleeting virtue.
Secondly, and most importantly, you’re treating the first sexual experience (and by implication, the rest of them) as this awesome, life changing mystical experience. Well — it’s possible, but the odds are against it. It’ll probably be very nice, but it’s only slightly more likely to change your life than your first game of tennis. You’ll be much happier if you lower your idea of how significant the actual event will be.
Then again, at 18, there’s no reason to rush into things. Find someone you like, and things will take their course. But weed out prospective flings on things like how much you like being around them, sense of humor, and intelligence. Trust me, in any sexual situation, a good sense of humor and open mindedness is going to be more useful than just about anything else.
What if, Soapbox Monkey, you fall in love with a virgin and end up marrying her…and then she dies ten years later from some sort of an illness?
So working with that, say you marry at 25, and then are again single at 35. Say you decide somewhere between 35 and 40 to start dating again. Will you need to find a virgin the second time around?
Frankly, your attitude creeps me out. You are focused more on a transitory aspect of a woman rather than her essential qualities. I can assure you that if I went out with you, we’d both remain the virgins you so prize.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing to marry as virgins and share your first time together (e.g. Buckleberry Ferry’s post). I understand the moral and romantic significance of this.
You seem to be attaching quite a bit more to this, however, Soapbox Monkey, in terms of jealousy, feelings of inadequacy and general “ickiness” of sex. I think it’s “a bad thing” to bring all of this into the beginning of a relationship without any attempt to understand yourself and why you have these feelings.
Also, to provide a counterpoint to something TGWATY said, even if in jest: Do not use two condoms. There are some arguments that say this increases condom breakage through friction. Condoms are made to be worn one at a time, and you’ll have the best results by following the manufacturer’s instructions.
Yeah, cool username Soapbox Monkey. It was, in fact, the only reason I opened this thread.
This is definitely something you’re going to have to get over, though, if you ever want to have a healthy sex life, as others have pretty much pointed out.
And another counterpoint to something he said - don’t do or say anything to “get the goods”. It’s not worth someone loathing you deeply for a night or so of sex, if you woo her for a while promising it’s more than physical and then dump her like a brick, or by forcing her to have sex when she doesn’t want to.
But yeah, I agree with others you’re putting way too much importance on virginity and the act of sex. I don’t get the idea that it’s from a deep religious belief, which I can respect, but from very conflicted ideas about sexuality and self-esteem problems.
Don’t worry, I paid no attention to anything that TGWATY said. And I would never, NEVER, have a relationship solely for sex and then just ditch the girl.
But unfortunately, there are many people my age who ARE doing that, which is why the number of virgins is dwindling.
Soapbox Monkey said: “And I wouldn’t call it jealousy so much as just complete and utter terror and mortification at the thought that my girlfriend has already done that with someone.”
What would cause you to feel complete and utter terror and mortification because a girl you like has had any sexual contact with another person? Why do you feel that way?
Frankly, it concerns me that you cannot bear the thought of being with a woman who has had any sexual contact with a guy, ever. Other people’s lives don’t start and end with you–any girl you find yourself interested in existed before you discovered her, and her experiences have helped shape her into being the girl you find yourself attracted to!
It also makes me wonder: do you mind if she’s had a boyfriend before, even if they didn’t touch one another? Or if she’s had a serious crush on someone, or even fallen in love before? What about hugging and kissing?