Is it me?

[ivylass]

@TheSpeculationElucidation

What a ridiculous statement. Are you making that assumption due to menopause? People don’t only have sex to have babies, and statistically most men begin experiencing erectile dysfunction in their 50s, the same time women generally begin menopause. So let’s just throw that out the window.

---

THANK YOU! My jaw dropped on that one. And by the way, menopause has done nothing to curb MY appetite. Maybe I’m part Betazoid.

[dracoi]

I would definitely have a doctor assess him regarding depression before you make any choices.

I would also recommend some kind of marriage counselor or even a DIY solution like a book or a video. Some third party source of direction that will facilitate the start of a conversation about what the problems are and how to resolve them.

Some of his behavior I can sympathize with. I went through a period with my wife where I was so angry with her that sex really wasn’t an option. Trying to address sex head-on would have been unproductive, but addressing the underlying issues fixed the sex problem. Given the back story, it certainly sounds like it could be a fit.

[scootergirl]

@Chefguy

Initiate sex? Why on earth would she initiate sex with this catatonic asshole? Walk out, don’t look back.

This ^

Though the problems in my 17 year long marriage did not have to do with any kind of substance abuse/addictions, some of this sounds familiar. The only reason why I still have contact with my ex is because we have two kids - one grown and one almost there. He’s a nice enough guy - but I have nothing, absolutely nothing in common with him anymore other than the kids. IMO, I would walk out now before you find yourself 17 years later wondering why you stayed so long.

[John_Mace]

It’s always you. You own your life and what you do with it.

[msmith537]

@puddleglum

He sounds like he is majorly depressed. Low sex drive is a very common symptom of depression, as is flat affect, low energy, and not wanting to interact. It may be a symptom of his quitting alcohol, or it may be that he was treating his depression with alcohol and they reinforced each other. Depression does not have to be a life sentence, he can get help in the form of drugs, and therapy. Going to AA might also help with his depression.
Depression is a sickness and you promised “In sickness and in health”, this sucks but it can get better.

Unless he’s depressed because he hates his wife.

[Smeghead]

A newly-registered user signs up and starts a thread asking for advice on an unusual relationship situation. This should go well.

[Snnipe_70E]

In a marriage it is not 50/50. It is giving 100%. In good marriages it is not about what your mate can do for you but what you can do for your mate.

It sounds like the only thing you can truly do for your mate is help them get counseling. If in time you can not get him to seek out help, then you have done all that you can and you are not able to help him and it becomes time to look out for yourself. You may have to leave him.

If there is a church near you check to see if they have a celebrate recovery program. If you can get him to go that is a good start.

As far as the in time, only you can say when the time has come. But if you are being hurt to the point that it becomes permanent damage I would think it is time.