I’m asexual, so I’m probably not getting married. I don’t understand the point of romance, and the thought of sex squicks me out. I can’t imagine anyone who would be willing to have a completely platonic relationship with their wife.
But I like some of the other aspects of marriage. Having a friend for life sounds nice, and having someone to help with the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc would be a big help. And I really don’t want to live alone. I hate being alone, and I never remember to do things unless someone reminds me.
Do you think it would be possible to get a roomate-for-life? We could live in the same house and help each other and stuff. I mean, are there people out there like me who just want to live with another person?
That’s completely within the realm of possibiity. I bet if you put the word out you could be married to the “right” person within a year. What have you got to lose? There are like-minded people out there who could benefit from the “pooled resources” aspect, insurance, companionship, and all the other benefits of cohabitation.
Of course, many of these benefits don’t require marriage. Many states offer insurance benefits to life partners.
I suggest you pursue this. You might find it worth your while.
Since sex and the resulting jealousy is not involved, it might be possible to hook up with two or more other people. I’ve twice shared a house with two other young men, many years ago, and it worked fine at least for a couple of years. Not that I, or the others, were asexual: we just weren’t interested in each other as sex partners, since we were all heterosexual.
I’ve lived with the same non-related, non-sexually-entwined friends for years. It always surprises me when I’m reminded how unusual this apparently is. Rents are so outrageous here in California; I just don’t think 80-90% of your income is an acceptable figure if you want to eat. And I work full time.
Last week, one of my roommates passed away. He was a veteran, and the hospice people didn’t blink at the fact we weren’t related. They’ve been totally cool.
My roommates have become my family. Everybody (nearly everybody) needs someone to lean on, and to lean on you if they need it (need to be needed), somebody to laugh with, to point out the moon to, and in my case, somebody to cook for.
What about finding another asexual person to live with? Then there would be no potential for confusion about boundaries, but you could have all the other stuff.
If you feel this way, there’s an excellent chance that someone else does too. I don’t know how you’d go about looking for like-minded people, but you could looked for asexual support groups and maybe start there.
Would you be OK if the roommate wasn’t asexual and brought dates back to the house? In other words, are you looking for a friend to live with, or an exclusively intimate partner?
Four close family friends have done just that. They are all very religious and at least one is a closeted lesbian, I think, but it works regardless. My mother’s cousin and her friend lived together for years, and have now both moved back home to take care of aging parents (that’s one problem with the situation - no one would expect you to move away from your spouse in that way, but it’s not considered a hardship to ask your daughter to move away from her roommate). It was years until I realized that my “Aunt” Joanne was not actually related to me, as she was at every family gathering.
I’ve pretty well figured out that I’ve a very dominant personality. Dealing with most people, I always end up feeling like they’re a follower or younger sibling or (simply) an idiot. However, this means that in a long-term relationship I’d end up being overbearing or simply feeling like I wasn’t with someone who was an honest equal.
There are other natural dominants in the world, but in my experience they tend to be rather stand-offish towards one another, or competitive.
So overall, I suspect that my best bet is to find another dominant but to have a relationship more of mutual respect than of close, romantic caring. Essentially, roommates (with benefits).
I know a very sweet guy who just happens to not want sex. He’s a tad bit odd (not because of the asexuality; he’s an astrologer) and I wonder if he ever wonders what you wonder.
I’m way too much of a touch freak to have that kind of relationship. If I have a woman living with me, I want to be touching her a lot. Not always sex (but not NEVER having sex either!!), but when watching TV, laying in bed, that kind of thing.
Maybe you should find someone who is into being poly. Then they can have a partner just for sex, and you for everything else.
