I often find myself in this position:
I have just pulled a door open and gotten halfway through when a person coming the other way, who clearly arrived later than me, tries to go through befor I get clear, making me step back. It’s as though they assume I should yield to them for some reason.
Yes, it’s rude. Usually there’s a slight hesitation as the other person glances at you to see whether or not you are, in fact, opening the door for him. If he doesn’t pause, it means he doesn’t acknowledge your presence, let alone your right of way, and he’s being rude.
Maybe the person is from the South. Down here we hold doors open for each other. The person for whom you’ve held the door always says “thank you”. This is deeply ingrained in us, and if it doesn’t happen as it should, it’s a bit disconcerting. Occasionally someone will realize that they shut a door prematurely, and they apologize profusely.
I have to make a big mental adjustment when I travel because I expect doors to be held for me and they aren’t. And people look at me strangely when I hold doors for them.
People do hold doors open for each other up north as well.
Yeah, I’m not from the South but I hold doors open for people all the time. I was raised to be polite.
One day last year some friends and I decided to go to Pasta House to celebrate a friend’s birthday. It was crowded so we had to wait, and there wasn’t really a waiting area. We were standing by the door, so I decided I’d just open it for people entering and leaving. Only about 20% of the people said thank you…but I still do it.
But me opening the door for myself then someone trying to come the other way through the same doorway after I started to enter is sort fo rude. If you are holding a door open you stay off to the side to let them through, then enter/exit yourself.
I hold doors open for folks all the time. When someone’s behind me, I’ll stand aside and say “Come on in!!”
It’s fun to see their faces light up a little when they experience a bit of random niceness.
I live in NY and I hold doors open all the time too. I hate that old hat “Southern people are nice”, not necessarily true, having lived in what was apparently the most racist city ever. And before you think it was some backwater it was Nashville. They were nice until we moved in.
I will often tell people “You don’t need to hurry! Only time to hurry is when we’re *leaving *for the day.” and get a smile out of them.
I open doors for people, too. Here’s a scenario that always puzzles me, though. I can’t figure out what I should do.
Double doors that open out. You are inside the building. Someone reaches the door before you and starts to come in.
For me, waiting is weird, because there’s another door. But for some reason that I cannot explain, using the other door also seems weird. I guess I’m always thinking that it will feel to the other person as if they are about to get hit by the door.
Tell me I’m not the only one who thinks like this. Please?
You ought to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they misread your body language until it was too late to change course.
In my experience, people that assume doors are being held for them do so because they hold doors for other people. So it’s probably a pretty nice person who commited a faux paus. It happens.
Perhaps it is like the heavy glass swinging door into the kitchen at work. If the person who goes through first lets go of the door it swings shut in the face of the second person to arrive. Like the OP though I expect to be allowed to walk through and then hold the door for the person coming the other way.
I usually glance at the person to get the “Yeah, I’m holding it open for you” look before I go through. If I am holding the door open for someone, I step aside and smile at them so they know.
I love when people hold the door open for me. I don’t know why, but it makes my day! It’s so damn polite. I am especially flattered when someone (almost always male) runs ahead of me and grabs the door.
I’m always afraid that I’m just assuming the person is holding the door open for me, when they’re not and that I’m consequently being terribly rude. And people in the south do not universally open doors for each other, believe you me. Though I did get into a fight with an overly zealous “Southern Gentleman” whilst on a date because I didn’t wait for him to come around and open the car door for me.
I used to open doors for a living, and I can’t stop myself now. If I start through a door and see someone coming, I usually spin on my heel and hold it open. If I don’t stop myself, I’ll wish them a good morning, afternoon or evening, too.
And for the people who worry that they are being rude by assuming I am holding the door for them - I am. I am never in so much of a hurry that I can’t stand still for a few seconds holding a door. Just try to at least make eye contact if you don’t want to say “thank you.”
Hmmm… Am I the only person that just always uses the door on the right in a double door situation?
I have always thought that this was kinda like the “elevator rule”, people exiting have the right of way.
I always let the inside person get out. In my mind, clearing the inside makes more sense. This scenario frequently happens at restaurants on Sunday morning…the church crowd. Our little town only has a couple decent restaurants and there are always a bunch of people standing around waiting to be seated. I figure if I let someone out, there’s more room for us to stand around inside.
I think it’s actively rude unless you are male and the “offender” is female. Then it becomes a grey area.
If you are female, then it really seems rude (no matter the sex of the other person) for him or her to “assume”.
Yes, it was rude of her and it was rude of you not to hold the door when you had the opportunity.
The first time I saw you post about the difficulties you had in Nashville, I apologized for your experiences here and invited you to visit with me if you are through here again. I even provided Shuba as a reference – thinking that most in the Indian community here know her. But I did not get a response. The invitation still stands! I agree that Southern people are not very nice sometimes. There are worse places that Nashville though. Wait until you live in a city that doesn’t vote liberal.
One thing I’ll throw in here… if we adopted it as a social rule that the first person in a loose ‘cluster’ was expected to hold the door open for everyone else… presumably it would ‘more or less even out in the end.’ The interesting question is… would we all spend less time on average going through doors that way??
In other words, is it more efficient for one person to hold the door open for the rest, speaking in average terms?? 