Lately, I have not been keeping up with my schoolwork, probably due to me being discouraged and tired of “it all”.
This has been reflected in my grades, all except Art and Earth Science (both of which I like a lot).
A letter came in the mail addressed to my mother, telling her that I’ve “failed multiple subjects” and that she should speak to me about it.
God, did she speak to me about it.
I was asleep, and she shook and hit me awake.
“What the hell is this shit?”, she said. I read the letter, and I tell her that it is a letter from school telling her about my grades. She leaves and goes to work.
When she came back from work, her friend called her, and spent about two hours talking about me and how horrible I am.
What really got me, though, was when she (my mother) said “Yeah, she’s shit, so I figure I’m going to just leave it alone and let her do whatever the hell she wants. She’s got no ambition. None. NONE. I wish I didn’t waste my money on this girl.” Note: I did not exaggerate, and I remember it exactly.
I felt so bad that I took some trazodone and went to sleep immediately.
I’m currently attending a public school, after having to leave a private catholic one because of an incident with some girls who bullied me.
The whole thing is not only about grades, but apparently, I’m lazy and stupid.
Sounds very much like you could be in the grip of depression to me. Perhaps you should see a doctor to see if this is so. Disinterest, lack of ambition, discouragement, escaping through sleep…these are all symptoms of depression (although by no means all of them). Many medications exist that can deal with depression very effectively. From the way it sounds, just living around your mother’s negativity could well be significant cause. I wish you the best of luck.
How long have you been feeling like this? More than two weeks, and I’d say clinical depression is *very *likely, and you should go get checked out.
I have great sympathy for you right now. In six weeks, I won’t. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but if you have a medical condition, you need to get it treated. If you don’t have a medical condition, you need to get your ass out of bed and hit the books. Because, although she could have phrased it more nicely, your mom is partly right. She is wasting her money if you’re not passing your classes. You could go home and lay on her couch and sleep in your old bed for free. I don’t think she’s automatically right about you being shit, lazy or stupid, however. Get yourself checked out and treated for treatable stuff before you decide a major personailty overhaul is required.
I’ve been there, and it sucks. And the part of me that’s been there wants to be all soothing and say, “There there, of course you’re OK. Just rest awhile.” But people letting you stay in bed is part of the problem. You need a little ass kick to get yourself the help you need.
:smack: I misread your OP. You are still at home, I get that. Still, the money she’s spending on your schooling is indeed going to waste if you’re not getting schooling.
Hey, DarkSide, that sounds rough. Your mom sounds like she’s making the problem worse, not better, but the only person you really have control over in this situation is you.
First of all, no, you’re not a waste of space or money. It sounds like your mom is frustrated with you, and she is lashing out in a thoughtless and harmful way. That sucks, it’s not fair, but if you feel thiat she is just reacting badly in the heat of the moment, then it can be easier to hear things like this, and not get hurt.
Now what about you? Are you happy with the current state of things in your school life? Do you feel there is a problem, or do you just see this as a temporary blip while you deal with some stuff?
Sounds like she’s already on anti-depressants. Perhaps the trazodone isn’t working as well as it should? Can you talk to your doctor about that?
Are you old enough to legally live on your own? If so, it sounds like part–if not most–of your problem is your mother, and maybe you’d be better off leaving her. Hitting you and calling you “shit” (unless you’re a child molester or a serial murderer, you’re not shit) is abusive and certainly counter-productive to helping you do better.
You’re not a worthless person, but the verdict’s still out on your mother.
Sounds like the whole thing would have been avoided if Floyd had done better in the first place. Her mom is spending money for her to go to school and she’s flunking mutliple subjects because she’s “discouraged” and “tired of ‘it all’”. Give me a friggin’ break.
Couldn’t possibly be that Floyd is actually lazy.
Gotta be depression, right?
Gotta be the mother, right?
Anything except that **Floyd[b/] is actually lazy, which she says in the FIRST line of her post.
Nice way to deal with problems, too. . .take a drug and go to sleep. That sure beats actually dealing with it, huh?
Once these things start it can become a vicious circle…you’re not doing well so you dont want to study which means you don’t do well.You’re doing well in the stuff you like,but it’s just the other things…is this just a blip or have your grades been low for a while?Sometimes it’s easier if you can get some mates and study together(it’s a lot easier studying with friends and popcorn!).New year,new term. If you’re finding something difficult it may be worth speaking to the teachers to see if there’s anything they can do.
And even if you’re not pulling your finger out at the moment,you’re still not a waste of time and space You’re a beautiful young lady who if you work hard can do well.We’ve just got to get you motivated!
And I know what the depression’s like.Both me and my sis have it
My email’s in my profile if you need to talk
Maybe, or maybe we’re seeing the flip-side of a norinew situation in the making.
The fact is, sometimes, we all screw up. Sometimes it’s because of chemical issues (which should be treated) and sometimes it’s just the long-dark teatime of the soul. Sometimes, we are, in fact, lazy.
This doesn’t excuse her mom hitting her or saying such nasty things, but I can completely understand if this is a long-standing issue that she’s simply fed up with. Maybe she just doesn’t know what else to do anymore. At one point, **norinew **had to make the difficult decision to stop supporting her daughter’s drug and self-abuse habits, and we all supported her in that awful time. I don’t know for sure that this is an analagous situation, but I think the idea shouldn’t be ruled out. I hear lots of excuses and avoidance in the OP. It could be the voice of depression, or it could be the voice of a lazy and spoiled child.
If you’re sick, get treated. If you’re lazy, get over it. The best way to prove mom wrong would be to pass all your classes with high marks.
Well, according to the results on google, trazodone is an antidepressant, so I’m guessing you’re already being treated for that. Chances are, the treatment’s not working though. Definitely get in to see your counseler/doctor/whatever right away.
Oh, and Trunk, while it’s true that she may just be plain lazy, it’s also true that she may have a serious medical problem which needs to be addressed. If that isn’t the case, then yes, she should let this be a wake up call.
If you’re taking the trazadone to go to sleep after a fight with your mother, you’re abusing the trazadone, or at the very least, not using it as indicated.
Trazadone is a sedative, however. Were you prescribed the trazadone? Are you taking it as directed? Some of the side effects may include “Drowsiness, fatigue, lethargy, retardation, lightheadedness, dizziness, difficulty in concentration, confusion, impaired memory, disorientation”, so this would be something to talk to your doctor about right away. The trazadone could actually be causing some of your problems. If it is, there are many other antidepressents that your doctor can recommend.
I can understand your mother’s frustration. She wants you to do well and does not see you as doing your part.
First, tell your mother you overheard her conversation. I bet she’ll feel horrible. Next, resolve to buckle down and improve your grades. I’m not sure where you live, but the implication I get is that you are in the UK, since you mention “public school” and that your mother spends money on you for school.
If you are being treated for depression, ask to see the doctor to work on your meds. I cannot tell you how important education is, and it is truly horrifying to a parent to see a smart child throw away their chances with both hands. She wants you to succeed in life, and she’s scared because she knows that unless you do well in school, you will not have as many opportunities in life.
Talk to the school about getting extra help. You only have a brief time to get ready for adulthood, which will last 50-60 years, so the foundation you lay now is what you will have to live on for the rest of your life.
I have some sympathy for being in the situation of being still in high school, and living with a mother that is domineering/controlling or otherwise mentally abusive, even if that mother is well-intentioned or in denial about her behavior. When you are in that kind of situation it is hard to see past it.
You need to get through high school. You need to do it with good grades if you want to go to college. You want to go AWAY to college, even if it is a local college; if you can afford it, you need to live in a dorm. Only then will you be able to finish growing up and get a sense of who you are when you are away from your mother.
My advice is to continue to seek treatment for your depression (BTW, I was on Trazadone for awhile back in college, about 12 years ago now - it is VERY sedating! I would sleep all day and miss classes constantly. It is definitely not the drug of choice if you need to have any kind of energy level! Please talk to your doctor about another medication that would a) work better and b) not leave you a zombie. I lost 25 pounds on it because I was too tired to eat. However back then there were not all the SSRI’s that have come out since then).
Get the depression treated, get into therapy and work through your issues. However, you are going to need to pull yourself up, once you have started treatment, and get good grades. You sound like you are an intelligent person, you need to look beyond high school and see that your future is in your hands, not your mother’s. Most likely she just wants the best for you and is incredibly bad at expressing it, perhaps she is frustrated at the apparent lack of effort (from her point of view) on your part. In any case, it doesn’t matter what she thinks; it only matters that you don’t do anything to mess up your future. High school is a very brief time of life, no matter how interminable it seems while you’re going through it; soon you’ll be out of the house, in college, and then out into the “real world” (college doesn’t count! ) Keep it together, look to your future, and don’t let your mother send you spiraling down any further. Every problem is fixable.
Good luck. I’ve been through mothers and depression and would happy to talk further if you want. My email is in my profile.
And, you are not a waste of time, money or space. You just need to take charge of YOUR life.
As I expect you know, most starting jobs in society are allocated on educational performance.
Schooling is a process that builds on previous lessons and is relentlessly continuous.
Therefore it makes sense for almost everyone to do their best at School.
It is a common phenomenon for pupils not to tell their parents very much about School.
Parents do not like receiving bad news about their kids from others.
Therefore your mother was badly upset by the letter. (She should NOT have used violence.)
I think it was disappointing that your first response to her “What is this?!” was the sarcastic “This is a letter about my grades.” This suggests to your mother that:
you are rude
you don’t care about School
you don’t want to do well in future
Your mother badly needed reassurance, which is why she phoned her friend. It is a standard response to a bad situation to assume the worst, so you can then begin to cope with it.
What your mother actually meant was “I am terrified that my child is going to waste her one opportunity to get an education. I can’t handle that, so I will make emotional statements.”
I suggest that you need to plan how you can do better at School. If you need medical advice or counselling, add that in.
Then go to your mother and apologise for not letting her know there was a problem at School. Say how you want to make her proud of you, and what you plan to do. Ask for her help.
You’re a beautiful young lady who if you work hard can do well.We’ve just got to get you motivated!