Schools are horrid mindnumbing conventionality factories most of the time but getting bad grades isn’t the way to wage war on that. Really, life is much easier if you got their piece of paper stating you’ve done your time and passed their little exams. You can argue with it or not but that’s the system. But you knew that already.
So make sure you pass. You’re probably so smart you’re actually bored to tears with this stuff but that also means a little work can go a long way. That’s what I did at the time. I never swotted but I did just enough to get by at the time, keep everyone off my back and get out of there without having to gasp repeat a year of get nasty letters sent to my parents. After that I could go back into the world of books and strange imaginings that I inhabited then (and do still inhabit some of the time) or hang out with friends.
You probaby do have ambitions. They are probably just not very well matched to what school wants them to be right now. Which isn’t your problem, but the best thing to do is figure out the smartest way to deal with the system as it stands. Which is to study a bit.
My mother has been doing this sort of thing as long as I can remember, which included hitting me/making fun of me.
Yes, I am currently in counseling, and I’m on three antidepressants (including the trazodone)
My response to the “What is this?” was not sarcastic in ANY way, and I was telling her what it was.
I certainly DO care about school, but it seems sometimes I can’t focus on doing the work. I did get a good grade since I got the letter, though. 91 on an AP Euro exam.
As much as I would like to, my current position does not enable me to move out. I’m 15.
I live in the United States. What I was saying was that I used to go to a Catholic school my mother had to pay for, but I am attending a free public school because of an incident.
No, I think it’s true that you’re depressed. The diagnosis confirms it. You’re being under and over medicated, both at once. You need to talk this over with your doctor, and if she won’t take a good long look at your meds and do some tweaking, you need to find another doctor.
You also need to find something to be passionate about. What gets your motor going? You’re a billiant woman - ever consider tutoring? I’m sure there’s a literacy program or just some students in lower level classes that could really use your help. Don’t think you’d like tutoring? How about a soup kitchen? Sorting cans at a food pantry? Grading papers for a teacher, or making bulletin boards for the young kids’ classrooms? Volunteering in a vet’s office, walking the dogs and grooming the cats? A hospital, holding and loving the premature babies? You need to find some way to remind yourself what a great and competent person you can be when you care, and that there are other people out there who desperately need your help.
Get out of the house and help someone else. You’ll be amazed at how much energy and focus this will give you, and how quickly you’ll start to feel better about yourself. I don’t sense that you really need gobs of time to study, with the grades you’re obviously capable of with only a little effort, but you do need to find some way to get yourself the energy you need to do the minimum class requirements.
Feeling awful makes ya feel awful. And meds can help, but there’s also other things you can do to help yourself heal.
A simple, “Mom, I am so in over my head right now, and I’ve already come up with a plan to change things - would you mind hearing it and telling me what you think?” might go miles in beginning to repair things. But you’ve got to have a plan, and you’ve got to commit yourself to carrying it out.
The OP’s posts here are well-written and gramatically correct. This alone places her in the not-a-waste department, in my view, since many of her contemporaries are incapable of such a feat.
I have no idea if she’s clinically depressed or simply lazy. Not knowing her, I hesitate to hazard a guess. However, I’d urge her to work on counselling and depression… if it can help, great. If not, no harm done.
Repeat: NOT A WASTE. Why would you buy that? It’s obviously not true.
I’m very wary when I speak to the counselor, partly because I’m afraid they will have me sent somewhere, and partly because truthfully, I’m afraid of what he might say. I know this person is supposed to help me, but the feeling of being ridiculed will not go away.
What? How in the world is telling her that she needs to do better an awful thing to say? She pretty much said it herself in her post. And it is a true statement: Dark does need to straighten her act up. I say that because the mother’s reaction is interesting. We’re only hearing about one incident, but the mother’s reaction tends to make me think that there is a whole helluva lot of back story that we haven’t gotten. It sounds an awful lot like what we’ve gone through with my stepson.
Then you may need another counselor. It doesn’t sound like anything you’ve posted here is indicative of a mental illness that you would need to be hospitalized for, but then, we don’t know you that well and are clearly not in a position to judge that. If you don’t trust your counselor you need to tell him or ask for another. He can’t help you if you can’t be honest with him. I believe your sessions are confidential, (even if she’s a minor?) so have no fear on that account.
He’s not going to ridicule you. He’s there to help you.
I’m sorry about your father. Again, though, if your mother has always treated you this way, that could be construed as abusive.
Or maybe it’s what she needed to get her ass into gear.
By her mother saying those things, DarkSideoftheFloyd took the time to write about it here, which demonstrates that she’s clearly taking her mom’s thoughts seriously, and it’s about time.
DarkSideoftheFloyd, face your fears, talk to your counselor and stay committed to school. If you stopped failing your class, not only would your mother feel better, but more importantly yourself. I speak from experience.
*I missed the part about the “hitting”, which by definition would be abuse. If it’s an on-going thing, look into it, but from the way you worded it, it sounds like a one time thing.
Anyways, that’s contrary to the OP’s original question, and I still stand by my answer above.
So, according to DSotF, this may not have been a one-time vent of a frustrated parent. It may have been long term. If so, then she needs to tell another adult. Ridiculing a child will not improve their schoolwork.
DSotF, I can understand the way you feel. It’s very difficult losing a parent and not feeling like the other one loves you (if you indeed feel that way). It hurts. Now, you are almost an adult, and it’s time for you to take charge. At 15, you have a lot of control over how your life turns out. You are not a waste, and you need to stop telling yourself that. Perhaps you can find a more precise way to define how you feel, rather than using the generic term of calling yourself a waste.
Why do you feel like a waste? What do you confirm by calling yourself names? That your mom is right? Calling yourself names is not constructive. Answering back to the voice that tells you that is constructive. You need to tell yourself that you are not a waste. You may feel like you are not contributing to society according to internal or external expectations. What can you do to change that?
It’s time to become your own parent. Be kind to yourself. You might want to read the book “Longing for Dad” by Beth Erikson to see how losing your dad has affected your way of thinking about yourself and the world.
Immerse yourself in your healing and taking care of yourself. Including with the depression. Don’t take what people say to you at face value (e.g. You’re on 3 meds, you should be fine…NO. You must go by how you feel and communicate accurately and forcefully to people who have the power to help you get better.)
Yes, it’s an awful thing to say. I’ve been where she is, and taking shit like the kind her mother gave her does not help at all. I’ve been told to “suck it up” and “straighten up and fly right” when I was having trouble in school (and suffering from undiagnosed depression) and all it led to was a suicide attempt.
She needs help, not abuse. Being told simply to “do better” trivilalizes the problem and doesn’t help one bit. She wants to do better, she’s said so herself. I know how it feels to have those things said to me, so I know.
I don’t know how long you’ve been working with this counselor, but if it’s been a while and you still have this concern, I’d ask for a referral. The ideal theraputic relationship is one where this thought doesn’t come up - you trust the counselor to help without judging, to be your cheerleader, not your mocker.
I’ve re-read this thread again, and I have to say you don’t strike me as lazy. I don’t know what it is, but you just come across as someone that needs a boost to deal with some troublesome issues, not someone who’s goldbricking or malingering.
I wish I could offer encouragement more substantial than words, DSotF. But on a messageboard, words are the only coin of the realm.
You will do fine. You will not merely fly – you will soar. You have destiny to fill, lines to write, hearts to break and hearts to mend and love to share and people to help, yourself, someday, I am sure of it. And one day, on a message board-like thing of the future, you’ll be able to write that when you were fifteen, you felt bad - awful - for a time, so you know what it’s like.
DarkSide, if you listed an email address - one whose emails you can keep fairly safe from prying eyes - you might find some folks willing to help on a more-than-general level.
No it doesn’t, at least not in the eyes of the person who said it. I was in a very similar position, minus the physical abuse (and mental, to a degree). And you know what? I bucked up and solved my problems by, get this, myself. Crazy, I know, especially in this day and age.
The feeling that a person is a waste of space is common place with many young people in school, esspecialy if they live someplace boring. I’ve felt the same throughout many different years, and so has a friend of mine who’s a few years younger than me.
Disclaimer: I’m no doctor, I can’t say for sure anything leads to depression, I’m just reporting things based on personal experiences.
And I think the main problem is this: You’re young. There’s very little opportunity for someone between the ages of 10-15 to accomplish much. But they’re very capable and know it. This leads to depression. You’re 15; chances are you don’t have a job, no transportation of your own, and have to rely on others for money. If you don’t find school work satisfying, you feel even worse. It’s like being put into a rut, with no real way to get out other than writing The Great American Novel, or something similiar. Accomplishing anything that feels really gratifying and worthwhile is difficult. Hold out for another year, find a job, save up for a car; you’ll go places, literally and figuratively speaking. This rut will not last forever, and you’re not a waste of space, there’s just not much opportunity at your age, and you haven’t been given too many chances to prove to yourself how much ass you kick. You will very soon; just hold on.
As a short term solution, catch a movie. The Incredibles has proved to be good at lifting my spirits in the past. It’s nice to see a family, even a fake one, work together and solve problems from time to time.