My Mom passed away on October 9th, my aunt had a durable power of attorney with her name typed in and my Mom’s signature, it was noterized.
My Aunt and Uncles disposed of all of my Mom’s things, everthing except the few things I was able to get out that I had personally given Mom before she died. My sister did bring Mom’s coat and some of her shoes and gave those to me at the funeral home. But I have no idea what they have done with the rest of her personal belongings. None of my Mom’s siblings are speaking to me so I can’t ask where they are or even if I can have them for myself, two of my sisters who have been disowned also or for our children. The last time I reached out to her siblings was with an email giving them my new address and phone number, they all have my email address.
Do y’all think it would do me any good to contact an attorney to see about this ?
AFAIK Mom didn’t have a will and we 4 did inhereit the 3 burial plots she owned though one sister has signed her interest in them to one Aunt and Uncle. It’s not that she had anything valuable money wise but we (the 3 disowned daughters) and our children would like to have some of her things to remember her by.
I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense, I am still pretty torn up about losing Mom (and the family).
Wow, what a terrible series of events. I’m so sorry for your loss.
IMHO and experience, getting any of your mother’s things back now will be like pulling hen’s teeth. Even assuming that your mother’s siblings kept any of her things instead of destroying them, getting them back would be an uphill legal and emotional battle that may not be worth it. I’m very sorry, but imagine trying to prove that lamp was your mom’s when your uncle is saying it’s been in his house for years.
If you have a sibling or a cousin who has not been disowned, you might check with them. But doubtless you’ve already done that.
Dividing up the personal belongings is hard enough when the family gets along, much less with the situation you’ve described.
I agree with finding a relative who’s on speaking terms to be a mediator. I’d also suggest that you try to focus on photos, letters and other things that can be copied, so that you aren’t perceived as trying to take something away from someone else.
There are laws that prescribe who is supposed to get what when someone dies, even (especially) when they don’t leave a will. One relative can’t just grab everything and do whatever she wants. As a practical matter, it might be hard to do much after the fact, particularly when it involves personal belongings rather than bank accounts or real estate, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt to talk to a lawyer, and he might be able to help.
Sorry, but this illustrates the problem with public message boards - you can’t trust the replies.
Unless/until a real lawyer speaks, do not trust anything posted here. IANAL, but this reeks, imho.
No real lawyer will give you detailed advice until he/she interviews you in detail, and that may or may not be free - contact your local attorney referral service (almost always free - I think I know who pays them, but I do not know, so will not comment), or check your local phone book - many lawyers will offer free initial consultations.
Lastly, my condolences on your loss - and my sympathy on the family strains. Been there. It sucks.
I am happy to be set straight when I am wrong, which is several times every day. But in this case I don’t think I’m too far off. What I said was:
1/ There are laws about what happens to a person’s property if he dies without a will;
2/ The relative who gets there first isn’t entitled to just grab a dead person’s stuff out of the hands of other relatives and do whatever she wants with it; and
3/ It wouldn’t hurt to talk to a lawyer.
Obviously, DantesTenth is absolutely right in that only a lawyer can tell you whether you have a case worth pursuing after he assesses the facts about your particular situation. You should talk to one. If money is a problem many university law schools have student legal clinics where you can get some general advice and referrals to appropriate law offices.
** The Devil’s Grandmother, kunilou, tryout1, DantesTenth **
Thank you all for your replys. I wanted opinions as to whether or not it would be worth the time and aggrivation of going to an attorney and y’all gave me that input.
I think I will at least do an inital consult with a lawyer. The things I and my sisters would want would be such things as pictures, letters, small nick-nacks. Things that have a purely sentimental value for us.
Sadly there is no one in my family who can/will speak for us.
Lest you think my sisters and I are horrible people I want you to know that what we have been disowned for is
making a list of names for my Mother’s obituary knowing if we waited until she was gone we would not be sane enough to remember everyone.
Agreeing that yes Mom said she wanted to be buried in her blue suit.
Agreeing that Mom had said she wanted us (her daughters) to stick together, to love one another, to be kind and have dignity.
This was twisted and my Aunts and Uncles were told we were planing Mom’s funeral ant that they would have no say, no part in it. I tried to reason with and explain the truth to Mom’s siblings to no avail. I will stop here before this becomes a pit post.
I’m sorry to hear of the troubles you are having- it seems there are two kinds of family responses when someone dies. Some families come together and work things out, some split apart with blaming and finger pointing all around.
My friend’s dad died recently and she was working on his obituary prior to the death. Some family members were very offended by this and it caused quite an uproar. She told me that when her mom died, she had to dash together an obit on short notice and was very sorry that she didn’t do a better job of it. This was the reason she started early (plus his was not a sudden death- he had a lingering illness). I must say, the obit she wrote was exceptional.
Anyway, I’m sure you are not awful people. A family fracture at a stressful time is not usual, just unfortunate.