Thanks for the kind words, gracer. We’ve all been working on it and I think you’re absolutely right that one of the keys in moving forward is that my daughter and her girlfriend get to know each other better (and that my wife and I get to know the girlfriend better, as well). We’re making some good progress.
ProbablyProcrastinating, ordinarily I’d agree with your statement that
In this case, though, the girlfriend lives out of town, so the options for the visit were to let her stay in the house, but in a separate bedroom, or stay in a hotel. I’m still not sure how we’re going to handle the next visit, but they’re not planning one anytime soon, so we have a little bit of time at least to continue that discussion.
I see your point, but in my opinion, if her parents aren’t coming for a visit, too bad for her. That’s what it means to be in a long-distance relationship as a teenager, right? Her parents can let her do what she wants but you have no obligation to host your daughter’s date overnight at your house.
Does your daughter have Skype in her room?
My mom was VERY permissive but she never would have had a boyfriend stay over at our house overnight unless we had already discussed sex and agreed that it could happen, or if it was as a favor to his parents, say for an academic purpose (like taking the SATs the next day).
Maybe she feels that because it’s a girlfriend, and girls are not as physically intimidating as boys, you should be more relaxed. But emotionally the danger is the same for any partner in any sexual relationship so I would agree with you that you need to be protective.
No, the visit that prompted this thread is the only visit by either of them to the other’s house.
I did speak with the other girl’s parents before the visit and explained the separate bedroom rule. They agreed that it was appropriate. We’ve spoken since then and they agreed with our actions during the visit. We haven’t yet discussed what we’re going to do for future visits, whether here or there.
And, yes, my daughter has Skype. Before she got it, we had a candid discussion about what we considered to be appropriate usage, though there’s obviously a chance she could be using it otherwise.