I can’t remember if I’ve ever heard anyone in the US use “madam”. I don’t know whether that’s got to do with its meaning the woman in charge of a house of prostitution (is that a “knocking-shop”? I’ve never heard that either), or whether it’s just that it sounds, how do I put this, prissy? hoity-toity? sneering? If I got called “madam” by a clerk I would think they were probably looking down their nose at me; or at least making a big point of how “high-class” the place was, which is not IMO actually a classy thing to do.
“Oi! You!” sounds rude to me; though if it’s used for people doing something they shouldn’t, maybe it’s meant to be. Interestingly, or at least I find it interesting, I just realized that while “Hey you!” (a more likely USA equivalent) sounds rude to me, “Yo!” doesn’t, or at least only does if it’s in the wrong tone of voice. I don’t know why that is; I don’t, around here, hear either of them all that often.
I have no problem being called Ma’am. My folks required us to use sir/ma’am with them and all adults, and when I was in the Navy, it came naturally.
I do hate when a child calls me by my first name. And I get stabby when someone refers to me as “young lady” - you’re not flattering me, you’re pissing me off! Then again, I don’t understand the whole “Don’t ask a person’s age” BS.
Yeah, that’s the safest. I try, but it can be kinda tough for someone who was raised at a time that inclusion of Ma’am/Sir was a sign of respect. Think of the old time shows, where kids addressed their fathers - or any adult - as Sir. But times change.
Not quite on topic, but I can’t help but mention one of the greatest lines ever transcribed by a court stenographer. During the deposition of an expert witness, Ph.D. toxicologist Kathleen Dougherty, she was asked if she wished to be addressed as “Miss or Mrs.”
I use Sir and Ma’am all the time as signs of respect. I sometimes call my father “Sir” as a term of endearment. To me it means that I consider him to be older and wiser, and respect his opinions.
The issue here is not with the terminology, it’s with the underlying belief that being old(er) is a bad thing. If we all just accepted that everyone ages, and that there are advantages and disadvantages at every age, and stopped constantly worrying about how old we seem to others, then it wouldn’t matter whether we were called Ma’am.
The problem with “madam” is various connotations such as someone who runs a brothel, certain notorious madams in books/movies and so on. “Ma’am” carries far less baggage.
Yes, all the time. Despite saying I try to avoid it, I guess it still is instinctual to me. Just today I found myself saying “excuse me ma’am” or possibly “thanks ma’am” (I can’t remember exactly, but I do remember saying it this morning and immediately remembering this thread.)
So I guess I really don’t avoid it all that much except with people around my age? I don’t know. It’s just such a normal word for me to use to get a stranger’s attention, and “miss” always sounds a bit, I dunno, juvenile or something to me? Heck, I call my 3 and 5 year old daughters “ma’am” all the time, too!
In this context yes you sound a wee bit offensive and its your perogative I guess to respond with disdain perhaps, and reduce a credentialed professional to that of a witness or defendant. INAL
otherwise fuck no, ma’am can’t take offense most times.
I must have grown up on a different planet. I would never ever dream in my wildest flights of fancy of calling anyone Miss unless I knew for a fact they were unmarried or so blatantly a minor child that what else ya gonna call em if ya don’t know their name and don’t want to seem condescending and snotty?
I call my female customers Ma’am everyday all day cause I’m terrible with names
Odd to me exception, teachers. Always Miss/Mrs./Mr. Last Name in my day, now First Name for my kids (when did that happen?)
I’ve lived north of the Mason-Dixon line all my life and grew up hearing ma’am and have people address me as “ma’am” all the time. I’m a bit gobsmacked to find out now that there are people think it’s not respectful. Did I not get the memo?
Although it’s true a lot of women have issues with age - sometimes I really want to look them in the eye and say “Yes, you are moving forward in time at the rate of one second per second. You’re getting older. Get over it. Seriously, there’s only one alternative to getting older and that’s getting dead. Which do you really prefer?”
But, since I need my job and that sort of brutal honesty is not considered good customer service I keep my trap shut.
When I was a prof, I routinely used “Sir” and “Ma’am” when addressing students during a lecture. Someone raises their hand, “Yes, ma’am?”. With large classes and seeing many students for just 1 or 2 classes, learning names was often not possible for me by the end of the term, never mind the start.
I have no idea why someone would think these terms are reserved somehow. Nor do I get the “cringe” people experience when they are called “Sir/Ma’am” for the “first” time. It has nothing to do with age or status, folks.
My Pops nearing 90 yo, often uses terms like “babe” “toots” “dude” “sweetheart” “darling” “jack” it was his jazzy way of speaking and no one was exempt. Most folks don’t take offense though a few old dames in the nursing home took offense others just loved it.
I was raised in Texas and taught to be polite. After 65 years, “sir” and “ma’am” are hopelessly ingrained in me. I don’t think I could stop using the terms if I was held at gunpoint (any more than I could leave a room without turning the light off). And to be honest, I’m shocked to hear that some people don’t/didn’t call their parents “sir” and “ma’am”.
I suppose all of this could be an indication that I’m growing old. But is that even possible?
