I drive a Barbie car. As in, you rev it up by giving it a few quick runs across the ground like a toy car, and it goes. It’s small, it’s cute, it runs, and it gets me where I need to go. In other words, I drive a Kia Rio. I know that in a couple of years, my car will be a piece of shit with a worthless trade-in value, but right now, it does what it needs to do, and runs perfectly fine.
So I try to take care of my car. I usually give the windshield a squeegee when I hit the gas station. I check the oil when I remember (thank goodness for mr. avabeth, because he remembers these things better than I do). I try to keep it clean. I like my little car.
This past Sunday, after mr. avabeth and I went to see Shrek 2, we headed for the supermarket. On the way, we stopped to get gas. Since my car was almost covered in bird shit, I decided to run it through the car wash. A quick wash later, the outside was fairly sparkling clean. Yay!
That was two days ago. My car had no bird shit on it yesterday. I went outside at 6:45 this morning to leave for work, assuming I would find my car in the same pristine condition that I left it last night at 9:00.
Fuck, no. Bird crap covering the hood. Bird crap down the driver’s side window. Bird crap down the passenger’s side back window. And the piece de resistance, bird shit right in the middle of my rear window.
All of this in less than 10 hours! What did this bird do, decide to play “Ring Around Avabeth’s Car”? Did he pause in between craps just to switch sides? Or maybe there were four of them shitting in unison - perhaps they’d been playing Musical Chairs.
Whatever they were doing, it means I have to go wash my car again! And since I live in an apartment building, there’s no hose for me to just wash it outside - no communal car wash area. I have to pay for another car wash!
I’m trying to figure out revenge on the little fuckers. I’m thinking a bird-only-hearing-range car alarm - one that alternates meowing with ear-splitting beeps. I’m guessing this was done by the numerous geese we have wandering around town - a gaggle of them typically decides to cross the street by my apartment on the mornings that I’m running late for work - and no amount of honking will make them move. They also ‘visit’ us in the picnic area at work - usually to try and steal lunches. I’ve had several near misses with these buggers - If it wouldn’t wreck my car, and if I weren’t such a damn bleeding-heart, I’d consider not missing next time.
In the meantime, I’m going to go get my car washed.