Never thought I’d say this, but thank you, Nazi Germany!
Is my friend hitting on me, messing with me, or are men just getting more comfortable w/ each other?
Actually in my group of friends straight men cuddling straight men does happen. Definitely in the way the old timey and German pics are showing. They dance together too!
Usually it would just happen, but I can imagine someone asking. If someone said “no thanks” that would be respected. Consent is a big deal in this circle. The repeated requests made me agree with the “fucking with you” response, but showing anger about this thread makes me think he’s gay or bisexual and not comfortable with it or at least not out about it.
What definition of “straight” are you using?
I’m 30 and there is no way this is a joke, and nor way it is innocent. Your friend is trying to “ease” into a homosexual relationship with you or is in denial to himself sorry.
If it was a joke it would have stopped at words, I’m guessing if you had responded positively it would have extended to showering together, watching porn together, and before you know it he is sucking your dick.
Sorry honest opinion, not that there is anything wrong with that if you find an interested party.
men who identify as heterosexual who have romantic relationships and sex only with women.
Sorry mate but a hug is cool but cuddling is for the missus. He is either fucking with you or grooming you. Either way he is a knob.
Must be an age or cultural thing.
A guy I know is on the list for a kidney? He can have one of mine. But dying of hypothermia that cuddling might help? I’ll say some kind words at his memorial.
Saw shared post in my Timeline (by person I believe is gay, FWIW) claiming 93% of straight men cuddle.
Absolutely. The nature of the contact / requested contact, and its repeatedness, strikes me as 100% sexual in nature. I mean, laying his head on your shoulder??
Your friend is either gay or bi, and he fancies you. You need to clearly tell him that you are not interested, and you want him to stop. If he can’t respect your boundaries you should reassess your friendship.
My friend and I are on great terms now, FTR. He wasn’t mad that I posted on here, and showing him this thread really did the trick in getting him to stop. We talked a little more about what’s been going on, and according to him, it was partly a way to make me feel uncomfortable, which he found funny. The other part is that he personally believes that people are too up-tight with ‘touching’ all together, (apparently). I should make it clear that he would NEVER touch anyone’s private areas. He means hugging and cuddling and sh*t.
“Why does it have to be sexual?” He said.
Regardless of whether or not he sincerely believes that there’s nothing sexual about it, he knows to mind my request that he stops. Last time we hung out, he even seemed concerned about how close we were sitting while playing video games on my couch.
I DO wonder if this is a sign that men are getting more comfortable with each other. Perhaps he was taking it “too far”, but this issue is not one he’s shy about. Like I said before, he’s brought it up in front of other people, (his friends that are his age)… and he totally seems as if he feels that it’s really no big deal. I can’t say that I don’t entirely disagree with the fact that men can be a TOO squeamish, in general, about certain things. Football players smack each other on the ass. and whip wet towels at each other in the shower room…
If it’s true that men are more comfortable with each other, or even more willing to experiment with their sexuality, I’m fine with that. I actually think it’s a good thing. But my friend has to learn that I’m not a kid, and grew up thinking things like that are… well, “gay”. I support him in… whatever the hell he’s doing. He just has to learn that I feel nothing but resistance when he’s tried it on me, and too be carful about who he’s inviting to cuddle with because some people would elbow him in the face for that.
I don’t know if I take my friend at his word that he’s 100% straight… but I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s stopped. If you’ve read some of my posts on these boards, you would know that I’ve made many mistakes… but I’m actually proud of myself for taking this particular course of action. He’s stopped, and isn’t mad at me. I’m cool with him.
Oh… if he does, or did “fancy” me… I’m flattered in a way. Just wish he would have stopped the first time I told him no.
Good job. Most guys would have been creeped out and ended the friendship.
Just for kicks, come back to this thread in 5 years and let us know if your friend is still straight.
I will keep you Dopers up to date, lol.
If it is changing that’s a good thing. I’ve never understood why straight guys have a problem with physical, but non-sexual, contact with other guys.
Glad to hear things worked out.
Yep, he’s gay…just not ready to admit it yet.
A commonly misquoted statistic. It’s actually that 93% of “straight” men who cuddle are really gay, and the other 7% were on ecstasy and are really embarrassed about it.
For some reason I just imagine the situation escalating, with each dude trying to out-mess with the other dude, until they end up in bed together. Whoops.
My 2c is he’s a closet gay man.
And yes, you’re being totally cool about this.
(link to lyrics for Eve 6’s song ‘‘Jetpack’’ which is also about a dude being totally cool about his male friend hitting on him)
So the way you act, is it just an act or some strange courtship ritual?
A habitual nervous reaction
Hey it’s just me, set yourself free, why don’t you let me know what’s going on
Inside your cluttered head
I don’t know how you manage to be unfailingly hilarious, but keep it up.
Well, not to speak for anyone else but I don’t have a problem with physical, non-sexual contact with other guys and I can’t think of anyone within my hetero male social circle who are. This would include things like hugging, putting your arms around someone, and generic grabass (which is tailing off the older I get).
However, the second it switches to an act that is usually reserved for the opposite gender, it becomes sexualized, even a little. Holding hands*. being topless/nude for the sake of being nude (e.g. not changing into/out of clothes, at the beach, playing sports, in a locker room), and cuddling/nuzzling.
*Yes, I know holding hands is a common practice for heteromales in the Middle East, India and other places but I really don’t like holding hands in general. It feels awkward and limiting. I only put up with it because of the sexual connotations it affords me with my gf. No such connotations with just a buddy. I wouldn’t just go hold hands with just a good female friend, so no such luck for my good male friend.
I disagree that your friend is gay. I think he just likes dick. Yours, specifically. No romance involved.