Define this wierd behavior. Is she nuts? Is she my ex-wife?
(FTR Male 35 married now but divorced earlier from a cheater)
My former wife did this kind of thing. She would fool around/sleep around and then leave clues and when I didn’t track her down and catcher her she confessed. For some strange reason (well her childhood was pretty f***ed up) she wanted to yelled at and even hit around. So maybe your gal is a little messed up in the head. Or maybe she just had a little fun at a party.
How would she react if you did the same?
That I think is the answere to your question. If she expects you to hold to a higher standard of behavior than she has end the “relationship” now. Oh and btw the bad word for a guy that sleeps around is DOG.
Well, this whole thread is about kissing and five-minute makeout sessions, isn’t it? OK, so crispix’ girlfriend could have had sex with this other person and not come clean about it, but there’s no evidence that she did. That’s one of the many reasons I think most of the posters who have responded to this thread are being outrageously hard on the woman.
As for the rape analogy – if you don’t already know why it’s both absurd and deeply offensive, I’m not going to waste time telling you.
My question for the OP: what’s up with the card?? It sounds like you’re really being a doormat here. (Not because you’re considering taking her back, but because you’re falling all over yourself to smooth things over.)
She violated your trust (although not that badly, IMO), and it’s her job to make things better. You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to be mad at her. If she has no interest in working to rebuild that trust, then that’s a big sign that the relationship is over.
My advice would be to talk to her about how you feel about this, ask her if she’s been completely honest with you, and see if she wants you two to have a non-exclusive relationship. (Although breaking up might be easier and less painful than non-exclusivity, in this case.) Don’t force a relationship that’s not going to work – it’s a bad idea.
Anyway. Back to the discussion of cheaters and STDs and whether or not Fretful Porcupine is incorrigibly evil (I say no).
I can’t give any advice to crispix since I don’t know his precise situation. But no one else has restrained his/her thoughts on this subject, so I might as well throw in mine.
I’m a 22 year old male, btw, and have been in a seriously committed relationship for the past four years.
I adore my SO, perhaps recklessly. So far we have been faithful to each other. I may find other women attractive, but I have never placed myself in a situation in which I even remotely desired to cheat on her. I just don’t understand these “moments of weakness” or “stupid mistakes.” I know that if I touch a hot stove, I am going to get burned. Well, when you cheat, you burn someone else. Badly.
I don’t want to make any grand pronouncements about how I would react if I found out that she were cheating on me. I might fly into an insane rage. I might cry like a baby. My heart might freeze over. But would I ever be able to trust her again? All signs point to no.
Well I see that you’d have a problem tih your girlfriendmeesing around with another guy and stuff. But a tramp…I really don’t think so. She was just probably over excited and felt that she needed some action or something like that.
Let me clarify. I never meant to say that the girl in question is a tramp. However things like this don’t just happen for no reason. Even you said that when you did it you were feeling lonely…and you probably chose to tell your SO because you subconsciously wanted him to know things between you two were not right (otherwise why would you have felt lonely?). It all worked out for you and that’s great…but personally I think it would be bad advice to tell him to just forget about the whole thing and continue on as if nothing happened. The fact that she did cheat indicates some kind of major problem that needs to be dealt with…
Hold your horses! I never said that women were never stereotyped or generalized about. I merely stated that having the very name of one’s sex be used as an insult is about as bad as sexual stereotypes can get.
Someone pointed out that when it comes to promiscuity, men are women are generally called different things. Women are called sluts, and men are called, well, men. I commented that it is a very bad thing for one’s sex to be used as a derogatory term, worse than using another term such as “slut”.
In my experience, “man” or “men” is used much more often as an insult than “woman” or “women” is. Your milage may vary, but it’s really not crucial to the point I was trying to make.
