Okay, here’s the situation. There’s this woman who I know through work - she represents a company that does regular work for our office. This morning we all get an email from her announcing that she will be leaving her current job and moving to better things, and giving us the details of her replacement. At the end of her email, she provides a personal (non-work) hotmail address and her mobile phone number.
I thought it was a bit odd that she was providing personal contact details in a work-related email, but I just shrugged my shoulders and wrote her the following message:
>Hello Nathalie,
>
>Sorry to hear that you’re leaving (our supplier). It’s been very good working with you, and I hope that your new job goes well. Drop by and see us next time you’re in (town where our office is)!
>
>All the best for the future,
>(Bib)
About five minutes later, I get the following reply:
Hi (Bib)
Thanks for your e-mail.
Yes, it would be nice to meet.
Speak to you soon
Nathalie
She then provides me with her full home address, her home phone number and her mobile number again. So call me dim, but is she making a pass at me or not? Does she expect me to call her and set up a date? Or am I completely misinterpreting a perfectly innocent work email?
I have only met her a couple of times when she came to our office for meetings and presentations, and during those times, there was certainly plenty of eye contact. I certainly found her attractive, and I got the impression that it was mutual. However I never pursued it because it was unprofessional, along with a couple of other pretty big reasons.
So what do you think? Is she flirting?
Yes… I’d suggest you email a little bit first - then see if you’d like to meet. Suggest a drink, something casual - coffee? Then if its crappy or she says no way, you don’t lose face.
But if a guy gave me that level of info and I thought he was cute, yes, I’d think he wanted me to contact him - but email’s the best way to go at the beginning to test the waters so to speak.
She tells the people at your company, which I assume is hiring her as a consultant or contractor, that she’s leaving the company she’s working for. She gives you the means to contact her without her current company knowing about it. You let her know that you approve of the work she’s done, and she gives you more information on how to contact her or mail her job offer information.
Not flirting.
Job hunting. Leaving her options open. Letting you know she might not mind coming to work at your company.
Here’s the thing, though - I’m not really interested in a relationship with her. She’s more than cute enough, but I’m looking to get married, not for a casual fling. As before you ask, I can’t get married to her because she isn’t the same religion as I am, and that’s very important to me.
So my dilemma is how to politely refuse wihout hurting her feelings. If I write back and say “sorry, I’m flattered but not interested” and it turns out that she wasn’t flirting, then I end up looking like a narcisisstic jerk. If she is flirting, then I want to be totally honest with her and not lead her on. My loins say yes, but my heart says no…
I should probably point out that while we’ve had limited face-to-face contact, we communicate quite often by phone and email and the relationship has always been very warm and friendly. I haven’t ever flirted with her (not exactly), but some of the phone banter has hovered on the edge…Anyway it’s these communications that lead me to believe that she might be interested. And no, i don’t think she’s networking or looking for a job, because she’s already moving to a new one.
As a woman, I would say that she is flirting. That is an awful lot of personal information to give more than once for someone who is not looking for a non-professional relationship.
My advice is to simply let it go. Do not email her again and if she does email/call/send carrier pigeon, be polite but do not extend any type of message that may be construed as interest. (Like "drop by and see us next time you are in town) because that gives a sense of false hope. I think that you sent her mixed messages also. She may be wondering what your intentions are too…
You are looking to marry, she is looking for who knows what, but you have stated you are incompatable, so I would not waste your time or hers.
You can head off any misunderstandings or potentially sticky situations by keeping your communications with her strictly professional in all ways. Don’t be guilty of sending the double message of your loins saying yes while your heart and head say no.
I would certainly never say that to her, I just meant that I found her physically attractive, and would certainly be up for casual sex if I was still in the “casual sex” phase of my life. 
However, I’m not looking for that anymore, so I guess that my higher faculties win out this time.
Forward her info to me. I’m not particularly religious and could use a date with a hot professional woman.
Snap snap!!
Maybe she just wants to be friends? If she’s giving out her personal info, that does sound a little removed from “strictly professional,” but it doesn’t necessarily mean she has any romantic interest - she could just want to hang out.
Or maybe she really, really wants to marry you, and would be happy to convert to any religion you like, as long as she can spend the rest of her life in your arms. I dunno.
It doesn’t sound like flirting to me. It sounds like attempted networking, since she’s now out of work. If it is flirting, it’s subtle enough that you should definitely just ignore it if you’re not interested.
Okay, thanks for the advice, guys. I’ll just leave it alone and hope that there are no further emails from her. if there are, you’ll be the first to know!
Bib